


Heartlines and Vorpaths

by ana



Series: Vorpatrils & Vorkosigans - What Happened Next [1]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Angst and Humor, Art, Ballet, Barrayar, Cake, Caravanserai, Career Change, Children, Chocolate, Clubbing, Dancing, Dragons, Earth, Etiquette, Family Drama, Heartbreak, Homecoming, Ice Cream, Identity, Love, Multi, Next Generation, Nightclub, Nude painting, Other, Reconciliation, References to Shakespeare, Secret Identity, Secrets, Sex, Spies & Secret Agents, Tea, Urban Regeneration, Vorbarr Sultana, Wormholes, gentrification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-10-08 07:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 50,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17382581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana/pseuds/ana
Summary: A snapshot of the Vorkosigans and Vorpatrils during a summer. Based on Barrayar and Earth and much about the new (and older) generation finding their way and all those caught in their paths.I've tagged Cordelia and Mark as they are mentioned a fair bit but they are not actually in the work.There are references to two films in the chapter titles that some people may pick up on...:D





	1. Prologue |Rebel Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters:  
> 1\. Prologue |[Rebel Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48ztymZHA_w)  
> 2\. Barrayar |Lizzie’s New Friend |Tea and Discovery  
> 3\. Earth | Alex’s New Place | Art Not Included  
> 4\. Barrayar |Vorrutyer House Party | Donna’s Special Appearance  
> 5\. Barrayar |The Vorpatrils Arrive|Taurie’s Path  
> 6\. Earth | The Landlord’s Offer|Fight or Flight  
> 7\. Barrayar | Lizzie & Allie’s Visit | Lizzie’s Decision About MK  
> 8\. Barrayar | Miles’s Visitor |Arming Taurie  
> 9\. Earth |Fight not Flight|Alex’s Falcon  
> 10\. Barrayar | Taurie’s Interview|Taurie Gets the Blues  
> 11\. Barrayar | Taurie Makes a Decision| Ivan’s Made His Decision  
> 12\. Earth |The Troll Club |Dancing, Sex and Epiphanies  
> 13\. Barrayar | Rohan’s Question| Ivan’s Made His Decision (Again)  
> 14\. Barrayar | The Vorpatrils and the Fluffies  
> 15\. Barrayar | Ancient Rites and Kitchen Cake| A Solution!  
> 16\. SPACE| Simon’s Blue| The Boys and Venus  
> 17\. SPACE|Barrayar| The Plan| Breaking Out The Lady Alys| Ivan’s Visit  
> 18\. Barrayar| Homecoming|The Plan is Not the Plan  
> 19\. Barrayar|SophV, Stink Bombs and the Clameur de Haro  
> 20\. Barrayar| Beginnings...  
> 21\. Epilogue| The Troll Club| A Different Vor Path|There is Another...

 

In the unkempt backyard Alex placed the last of the paintings on the ground and watched the flames rapidly tear through his passion, his pain - turning them all to ash. Except of course they didn’t. He should’ve known it was never going to be that simple. Every touch and every word from _him_ still scorched his skin; the sticky desire of wanting and not wanting couldn’t be burned away.  Alex picked up his rucksack, the ache in his bones and heart growing stronger as he tried to walk away.  _Another failure. Another wrong turn._ _What now? What now? What now?_ Alex travelled to the shuttleport, picked a planet at random and booked passage.

 

*

Ekaterin and Miles viewed Max’s latest report.  Alex was fine and Max wasn’t going to let him out of his sight. The Armsman was the only one that Alex would see – after Alex had tried and failed to lose him several times.  When Miles and Ekaterin had tried to see Alex, he’d disappeared again. He needed to be alone.  He was a grown man, he could take care of himself. A grown man? He’d never sounded so young. And what did age have to do with your son cutting you out of his life? So what if he was 24; he could be 54 – he was still their son and he was spiralling into something Miles had to stop.

“He’ll contact us when he’s ready,” Ekaterin said. “We have to give him what he wants, Miles. You understand?   This is temporary.  He will be back in touch with us.”

Miles could hear her staggering pain when no one else could. He kissed her hand, already plotting to bring his son home.

 

*

“You can’t leave,” Crescent said. “Are you insane?”

“For fucks’ sake.” Nikki hoisted his bag on his shoulder. “You have a replacement pilot. I transferred the contract, stop bitching about it.”

“You do this run you’d be damn close to getting your own ship or don’t you want that anymore?”

Nikki thought about the money he was kissing goodbye and about Alex. He shrugged. “One has nothing to do with the other.”

Crescent gave him a pitying look. “It sounds like your brother’s a liability. You should -”

Nikki stepped close to her. “Never, ever say that about my family. “ He smiled and patted her cheek covered with the patterns reflecting her name. “You just don’t get it.”

 

*

It was the ball at ImpRes and listening to people talk about her family that did it.  Alex had been the latest gossip fodder for a while; sensible, steady Alex stunning everyone by ditching his job to pursue art and love on Escobar and then heartbroken leaving that too.  People made snide remarks about what third career Alex was going to wreck. Not in the earshot of the Vorkosgians; they were too cowardly to do that but it got around. The family line was Alex was well and not to disclose anything further.  Taurie wondered again if he was in contact with anyone in the family.   Uncle Ivan was the ambassador on Escobar – surely the Vorpatrils knew something? Would her cousins tell her anything if Alex told them not to? She’d hardly heard from Alex for a while anyway; not since he went to Escobar for the holiday that led to that abandoned civil engineer post.  Would Alex go back to that? She couldn’t assume anything now about her brother. To cut _everyone_ off like this. Three months of nothing. It just wasn’t Alex.   

Everything had changed.  Alex wasn’t someone she could talk to anymore; she’d just have to accept that, and the rest of the family were all acting like everything was normal.  Maybe for them it was – they were Vorkosigans after all; Taurie had never felt less like one and that’s when she remembered what was hidden in her bedroom safe. 

What would it be like _not_ to be a Vorkosigan for a while – to try it out for real?  Who would she be then? Would she dare?


	2. Barrayar |Lizzie’s New Friend |Tea and Discovery

**Barrayar – Vorkosigan House**

Ekaterin stood on the threshold of Alex’s room, examining his paintings and then turning to peruse the dizzying image wall – filled with whatever had caught Alex’s eye over the years.  Ekaterin did this now and then and most of her family ignored it; what was there to say anyway? Lizzie hugged her Mama from behind, wrapping her arms around Ekaterin’s waist and catching the familiar scent of her mother’s citrus perfume.

“You going to decorate his room, Mama?  I think you should. Give him a nice surprise when he comes back to visit.”

Lizzie squeezed tighter when her mother’s back stiffened. “I don’t think he’d appreciate that,” Ekaterin said, patting Lizzie’s arm.

Alex probably wouldn’t appreciate that Lizzie had been removing images from that wall but damn, it felt good to do it. It’s not as if he was there to object. Lizzie was tempted to replace them with something garish. “Pink and luminescent green,” she said thoughtfully.  “I’m sure his artist eye would appreciate it. Add some polka dots too.”

Ekaterin laughed and turned, giving Lizzie’s hair a soft stroke and holding up the ends of Lizzie’s silver gauzy scarf; her eyes sharply observing the delicate embroidery decorating the edges. “This is fine work.”

“One of the patients gave it to me. She’s leaving today.  I’m accompanying her home as she’s got no family to take her.”

Lizzie could almost hear her mother biting her tongue on a conversation they’d had repeatedly. _Where do they live? Be careful._   This time she only nodded.

“Would you like me to do your hair tonight?” she asked a touch too hopefully.

“What’s wrong with my hair?” Lizzie asked in mock hurt.

Taurie muttered something as she emerged from her bedroom.  Taurie’s hair was up in a tight immaculate twist with a silver band contrasting bright against her neat black hair; all her curls beaten into submission.  She gave Lizzie’s bronze brown frizzy hair one of her looks and Lizzie returned the stare with a smile. “Good morning, Taurie! How are you today? Looking forward to Allie’s visit?”

Taurie’s sour look turned into a scowl as it often did at the mention of the Vorpartril’s eldest daughter. Taurie turned to her mother. “Is only Allie coming? She’s not staying here is she?”

“If she was, she would be very welcome,” Ekaterin said pointedly.  “But no, not just Allie – they will all be here at their own home in VS.”

“I thought Uncle Ivan was selling that place,” Taurie said.

“No, not anymore. Oh but Pax won’t be coming until later.”

Lizzie wasn’t surprised. Pax loved summers on Barrayar but he had a position at a prestigious dance company on Earth, at 18 he’d already achieved so much. But as much as she admired his career he was so very different from his older sister Allie (although with only ten months between them she wasn’t that much older).  Her memories of Pax didn’t mesh well with him as a professional dancer or as a professional anything.

“Why isn’t Pax coming?” Lizzie asked.  “Is he stuck up a tree?  Shall I go rescue him again?”

“That was many years ago.” Ekaterin sighed. “Must you still tease him about that?”

“It would be wrong not to,” Lizzie said solemnly and thought she almost got a smile out of her sister.  But Taurie gave her Mama a quick kiss on the cheek and turned away. “I’ll be late.”

“You should have breakfast and –“

“I’m not hungry, Mama.” And she dove into the lift tube clutching her art case.

“I should go too,” Lizzie said giving her mother a hug. “And I’ll let you do my hair as long as you don’t put anything weird in it.”

 

In the vestibule Lizzie pulled on her short boots and smiled as she heard the tap of her father’s stick as he got closer; he looked both tired and alert at the same time.  He often looked like that.  When she’d told him that he told her not to be fooled be either impression.  

“Off to work?” Miles asked, sitting next to her.

“Yup!”

“And after work?”

“Oh you know. Up to no good. Yes, I’ll be back in time for Sophie’s party.”

He looked up at her, forehead creased. “Not looking forward to it?”

“Sophie says it’s just an excuse for her Da to show off the new library and that everyone and their aunt’s been invited but Sophie loves all that attention. She just likes complaining. She’s probably already counting the gifts.”

His lips expanded to smile. “Dono is very proud of the refurbishment.” He tugged a strand of Lizzie’s wayward hair. “I thought you liked parties.”

“I do and it’s always fun at the Vorrutyers but do you know how many messages I’ve had about Pax since everyone’s heard the Vorpatrils were coming?”

“Padma is very popular,” Da understated.

Padma was Pax to everyone but Da.  No one used Pax’s full name anymore.  Pax didn’t seem to mind his uncle Miles calling him Padma but that was Pax all over – it took a lot to rile him which was good because he got teased a lot about his hobbies.  It wasn’t that she disliked Pax but whenever he turned up, people she’d not heard from in months would send her comms; even certain men who never got the hint that Pax wasn’t interested.  Apart from emblazoning her messages with PAX LIKES GIRLS she wasn’t sure how else to get that point across.

“I’m just going to get tons of invitations to pass on to him,” she said, “and no one is going to believe me when I tell them that Pax isn’t interested in the VS party scene and that he’s gone off camping somewhere or birdwatching.” She shook her head as she stood and shrugged on her coat. “Pax was born with the wrong face and body. Wrong something.”

Her father gave her that look, a laser gleam in his grey eyes. A look that meant _did you really mean that? Rethink what you’ve said._ He would never say it out loud because he would expect his children to be smart enough to figure it out for themselves, and no one wanted to let him down by having to ask him outright what that look was about. It always made Lizzie feel guilty.

“I suppose it’s not his fault he’s so sickeningly handsome,” she added and only received a contemplative, “Hmm.” Her father was still staring at her but then he asked, “Did you see Taurie before she left?”

“She won’t talk to me, not properly and after yesterday she definitely won’t.”

“Yes, your mother mentioned something about it.”

“I was being helpful,” Lizzie insisted.  “One of her blouses ended up in my laundry and when I went to give it her she went crazy just because I asked her about her course and what she was working on. Said I was trying to spy on her and that she didn’t have to show me or anyone anything. I don’t know why she’s doing this arts course if she doesn’t want anyone to see her work.”

Miles tapped his stick on the tiles. “She’s become very private.”

“You and Mama worry too much.” And she knew where that worry was coming from.  “Let her have her space. I’m not going to spy on her and I’m tired of having my head bitten off every time I try to talk to her.  I think we should just leave her alone. Now I have to go.” And she kissed him goodbye and ruffled his hair making him laugh. “Stop worrying.” _And at least Taurie is talking to you._   But she’d never voice that aloud.

She was glad to go to work and put aside all thoughts of her family for a few hours but Barrayar’s capricious Goddess must have heard her because she wasn’t having any of that.

**Caravenserai**

Lizzie held Madam Dimitrou’s arm as they walked the rest of the way to Madam’s home. The aircar being too large to go down the narrow passage. Madam Dimitrou insisted this was a shortcut although it wasn’t on Lizzie’s map. The red brick passage between the two shops had walls decorated with elaborate painted flowers.

“Beautiful isn’t it? My son did this one.” She stroked the flowers.

“They’re very pretty.”

Lizzie tried to be attentive but the sudden silence on entering the passage was holding most of her attention. They weren’t that far from the bustling tourist trap of eateries but it was suddenly very quiet.  “Your house is near here?” Lizzie asked again.

“Oh yes.”

Lizzie tried not to keep looking over her shoulder. The warnings she’d heard about this part of the Caravanserai suddenly all at the forefront of her mind. But as they emerged into the sunlight she entered a picturesque street with red brick houses and a few shops with every front door painted a different colour.

“Nana!”  A hulking fellow yelled crossing the road, swallowing Madam Dimitrou in a hug. “Nana where have you been?” he demanded pulling away. “Why haven’t you answered any of my comms? And why didn’t you tell me about this?” He shook an official looking document in his meaty hand, giving Lizzie a sharp appraising look with his one large blue eye. The other eye was covered with a black eyepatch and with his untidy hair, he looked like one of the pirates from _Silver Space Pirates –_ a kids show all her siblings had been obsessed with at one time.  Lizzie ignored his hard look, and realising she’d taken a step back, stepped forward again defiantly and turned to Madam Dimitrou.

“I thought we fixed the problem you were having with the wristcom?” Lizzie asked softly.

“What problem with your wristcom?” the man asked.

“I didn’t want to bother anyone,” Madam Dimitrou said. “And the hospital was taking such good care of me.  What are you doing here, Frederick? This is my grandson, Frederick. This is Elvie.”

Lizzie tried not to look guilty but it’s not as if ‘Elvie’ was a lie – it was a nickname Allie had given her although granted only Allie was the one who used it.

But if Frederick noticed her guilt he ignored it. “I went to pick you up, Nana just as you asked me to but they said you’d left.  I came back here and –” He looked at Lizzie and then back at his grandmother and dropped his voice sounding embarrassed. “Oh not this again, Nana.”

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I must’ve forgotten you were coming and this girl was very happy to take me home and you’re here now so what’s the fuss? Frederick doesn’t usually overreact like this, Elvie and you didn’t mind bringing me did you?”

“Of course not.” Lizzie was more amused than annoyed about Madam Dimitrou’s blatant lies that she had no family able to take her home.  Lizzie began to guess at why and knew she had to extricate herself quickly.

“There you are, see.” Madam Dimitrou smiled.  “Elvie doesn’t mind at all because she’s a lovely sweet girl, Frederick. Stop pulling a face. That’s your name and you should be proud of it.  Elvie will think you have something wrong with you. He’s a vet. Could’ve been a proper doctor. Elvie is training to be a doctor.  Now let’s have some tea.”

And Madam Dimitrou sped up to cross the road, dragging Lizzie with her.

“I have to return the air car I borrowed back to my friend,” Lizzie lied easily. “I really can’t stay.”

“One cup, dearest. One cup.”

“Nana, we have important things to discuss _in private_.” He waved the document.  “They’ve approved the development. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She walked into the house and waved her hand in return. “That’s nothing, they’ve approved that clinic. It’s a lovely idea. We need one nearby.”

“Nana, you don’t understand. It’s not just the clinic.”

Madam Dimitrou turned around on the threshold.  Lizzie bit her lip to stop herself from laughing at the towering man backing up as his much shorter grandmother faced him down.

“Tea, Frederick. Where are your manners?” Her firm tone and sharp look resulted in him fixing a smile on his face.

“I’ll get the tea.”

Inside the elegantly decorated parlour Lizzie was struck by the light coming from the large windows facing the back garden; they lit the modestly furnished room with a warm brightness.  Close to the windows were two comfy looking armchairs and a huge shelving unit with small clear glass doors holding different coloured threads and materials.

“Is that your work area?”

She turned to find Madam Dimitrou had disappeared.

“She’s gone to the lav. Look, my grandmother is ah – she means well but…”

“She expects us to fall in love while she’s in the lav?”

He looked startled and barked a laughed.  “Been here before?”

“I have well-meaning family too, Frederick” she said.  First time she’d been so effectively conned into a set-up though.  It would make her parents laugh when she told them. “Shall we get to that tea?”

He nodded.  “But it’s just Fred, no matter what my nana says. Frederick is an old family name best forgotten,” he said dryly.

She followed him into the kitchen. It smelled of citrus fruits and fresh flowers but seeing how cramped it was she stayed at the door.  With the one table filling most the floor space it didn’t leave much room for Fred to move around. Lizzie was tempted to suggest moving the table back a few inches.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Fred said. His blue eye twinkled. “Grandma won’t let me move the table. Some things she gets very rigid about. You can sit down,” he said.  He sounded annoyed but this seemed to be his permanent tone.

“No, here’s fine. Thanks.”

Lizzie stayed hovering on the threshold especially since sitting down could also lead to other food items being placed in front of her. She expected the inevitable cake and would stay the requisite amount of time to be polite and not to insult. It was a relief to see it wasn’t going to be a traditional tea made from scratch but tea from sachets. To avoid any further questions about her family she picked up the document he’d abandoned and asked, “Do you mind?”

He placed the fine small cups on a tray and shook his head. “Go ahead. It’s a public document in the usual weasely government speak. Bunch of charlatans. ”

 _Oh God._   Lizzie stared at one of the logos of the companies involved. _It can’t be!_

“It’s confusing, I know,” he said, misinterpreting her look.

“Uh yeah.”

He walked over in two strides and stabbed the document with his finger.

 “They said the majority have voted in favour and it’s going to go ahead. Of course the majority voted in favour! _Those_ folk live in the poorest part and they’re getting cleaned up housing, a new clinic and a new school building.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Lizzie asked hopefully.

“It’s a con. It’s only good for them but this area, they’re going to kick everyone out – relocate them in some pseudo village while they convert these buildings into luxury apartments and some overpriced boutique hotel. They’re not getting away with it.”

Madam Dimitrou eventually emerged and Lizzie sat through a painful half hour trying not to gulp her tea down and concentrating on chewing the cake she couldn’t taste while Fred tried to explain to his grandmother that it was serious but she refused to believe she was going to have to leave her home and friends. This was until a neighbour knocked on the door waving the same document. Only then did she believe it to be true.  Lizzie did manage to leave but with poor Fred cajoled into escorting her to her aircar. He didn’t linger, bluntly apologising and telling her he had a list of jobs to do for his grandmother before he returned to his own home. “I took the day off for this but now I have to sort this development business.  My grandmother likes you a lot,” he said sharply, “but no one expects you to visit again.”

“What’ll happen with the development do you think?”

“It’s not the first time and won’t be the last time they try and squeeze out us Caravanserai.  It’s not your concern though.” 

Not her concern? Lizzie wished it wasn’t. Wished she’d never even gone to Madam Dimitrou’s. Wished she’d never seen that document with Uncle Mark’s company name emblazoned all over it.

 


	3. Earth | Alex’s New Place | Art Not Included

**Somewhere in Western Europe, Earth**

Pax bypassed the lift tube avoiding eye contact with the open mouthed, semi-clad blond who was wearing some kind of red and gold hybrid swimming costume dress. 

“Yeah, I’m on my way,” Pax said into his comms; making sure his stunner was visible as he climbed the stained and cracked red and black staircase three floors up. “No, I didn’t want to wait for you and it wasn’t far - urgh.”  Some odd residue on the partial bannister had coated his hand. He looked behind him but he wasn’t followed.  He found the flat easily and tapped on the door.

“What’s the password?” A voice crackled through the archaic speaker.

Pax stared at his sticky hand. “I think I’ve discovered a new organism.” He sniffed. “And a new smell.”

Nikki opened the door and laughed as Pax held up his hand

“Send it one of Uncle M’s labs,” Nikki said, embracing him carefully.  “You can wash at the sink. You have to turn it on with that wrench and Pax, what the fuck are you wearing?”

Pax looked down at his fitted grey trousers, plain black t-shirt, waistcoat and matching jacket.

“You said casual, it’s casual.”

“I said to dress down, not up. You look like you’re going out to dinner!”

“I would never wear this out to dinner. You’ve been off the ground too long.” Pax washed his hands in the corner excuse for a kitchenette and examined the exposed pipework. “This doesn’t look safe.”

“Illegal too,” Nikki said locking the door with several bolts. “Bathroom is down the hall.” He stared at Pax a moment before adding. “Take a guard with you when you go.”

A stocky, blond haired man approached Pax with a wavering smile. He’d been staring at Pax since he’d walked in. “It is good to see you, m’lord,” he said with a small bow. His basso tone reverberating across the room.

“Max?” Pax tried not to make it a question but was unable to quite hide his shock. The usually tidy Armsman looked older with that short ragged beard and his usually tidy service haircut much longer than Pax had ever seen it.

“Good to see you again too, Max although we probably shouldn’t use titles here,” Pax said. “Where shall I put this?” he asked taking his large rucksack off his back.

“Not there,” Nikki said. “That’s my bed.”

Pax surveyed the sofa, and the small pallet on the floor in the corner where Max was currently standing to attention. “Damn. You weren’t joking, were you? Glad I brought my camping gear. Never camped indoor before.  Well, not since I was a kid.” Pax dropped his voice.  “Can’t you get him to move? Where is he?”

“I’ve tried.” Nikki gestured to the closed door of the only room in the flat.  “He’s being a stubborn fuck. What?”

Pax stepped over and tugged Nikki’s stubby ponytail. “Um…what is this?”

“It’s my hair. Stop touching it.”

“Don’t think I know any jump pilots with long hair.”

 “And how many jump pilots do you personally know?”

Pax grinned. “Just you, cousin.”    

The door opened and another ragged bearded man faced him. Alex. His grey eyes were shadowed, his rich dark hair matched Nikki’s and their shared mother but Alex’s hair was far more unkempt and sticking out at several angles.  Pax was more prepared for this, Nikki had warned him but to see how much weight his cousin had lost from his already slender frame it was hard not to be surprised.  But it wasn’t just the physical difference. It was the hostility coming off in ten foot waves from Alex’s tense stance and hard stare.

“Hey, cousin.” Pax embraced a stiff Alex with a one sided hug before he was pushed away.

“Pax?” Alex stared up at him. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to keep you company,” he replied brightly

“I don’t need company,” Alex said with a purposeful stare taking in all three of them and then focussed on Pax, as if seeing him for the first time. He stared, his hazy eyes widening.

 “You came here _alone?_ ”  Now this sounded more like the old Alex, treating him like he was a child.

 Nikki sighed. “I did say I’d meet him at the metro but he’s as stubborn as you are.”

“I can take care of myself,” Pax said, “I’ve had training.”

“You’re a dancer,” Alex spluttered. “What are you going to do, pirouette yourself out of trouble?”

“Do you have any idea how strong you have to be to be a dancer?”

“Why would we? You only mention it every time we see you,” Nikki said.

 “And I have spook training just like you,” Pax continued, “and three black belts. How many do you have?  My parents insist we keep up with it. Da’s very paranoid lately but there’s a reason for that.”

“What reason?” Nikki asked sharply.

He shook his head. “Can’t tell you, and I was fine coming here although I’ve never been propositioned this much before - not with monetary amounts attached I mean. Got four offers on my walk here from the metro, including a strange looking fellow who offered to put me up in a palace and pimp me out for a small percentage. Said I’d make a fortune especially if I had no preferences.” Pax frowned. “I don’t think he meant an actual palace though.”

Alex put a hand over his eyes and muttered something.

Nikki nodded. “Yeah, this place is full of sellers – you can get anything - drugs, weapons and whores but Beta Colony it aint.  You picked a sweet spot to hide, little brother.”

“I’m not hiding,” Alex said, “and I told you all to leave me alone. Isn’t it enough that I have Max with me every second of every day.” He pointed at Pax. “Aren’t you supposed to be on Barrayar with your family?”

Pax smiled. “But I am with my family.”

Alex opened and closed his mouth and went back into the bedroom slamming the door.

“I bought some depilatory too if you want to shave,” Pax called after him.

Alex swore at him through the door.

“Alright then,” Pax said. “Maybe later.”

Nikki emitted a hum. “That’s a good sign.”

“That he hates me being here?”

Nikki waved a hand.  “He doesn’t hate you. He’s pissy with everyone. But that’s the most he’s said in days. And I never told him about your family going to Barrayar.” Nikki looked at Max and he shook his head. “He must be accessing more comms than we thought.”

“Maybe he viewed my family bulletin,” Pax said.

Nikki placed a hand on Pax’s shoulder. “Pax, your family bulletin is boring. No one views it but it’s great to see you – if you brought my booze?”

“Yes.”

“And my chocolate?”

Pax opened his rucksack. “Your diet is atrocious. I brought some real food too. Didn’t you bring any food with you?”

“Brought it, ate it and we are out of rat bars.” Nikki stared at him with an open hand.  

Pax sighed and took off the two sealed bedrolls first, throwing one across to Max. Nikki snatched the bottle of Red Fire out of Pax’s hands before he’d even got it half out of the bag. Nikki kissed the drink label. “Missed you too, Red. We’ll catch up later.” He tore open one of the Silver Space Pirates chocolate bars Pax placed on the sofa, ate half of the bar in one bite and laughed at Pax’s wince.  He crouched at Alex’s badly fitted door and slid another bar underneath it.

Pax opened one of the sandwich boxes he’d brought and placed it on the small rickety three legged table or stool – Pax wasn’t sure what it was. He frowned at Max who looked like he’d been sharing Alex’s terrible diet. “Max, please – eat.”  He turned to Nikki wanting to know if that smell was what he thought.

“Someone smoking reef greens?”

Nikki looked surprised but nodded. “Alex.”

“At least they’re not addictive.” Pax looked over the flat and back to Alex’s door. He tilted his head towards the grimy sink, the furthest away from Alex’s door and they walked over.  “Alex’s relationship is none of my business but I’ve heard different accounts and I don’t want to put my foot in it.” Pax knew he was bound to if Alex was so hostile but best to mitigate it where he could.

Nikki was surprised Pax didn’t know and told him plainly that Alex had caught his now ex screwing someone in Alex’s studio. Alex knew about the other lovers but his studio was off limits - they’d had an agreement about that. From then on it went rapidly downhill between them.  Alex had been the one to end it.

“Doesn’t make it any easier,” Pax said.

“No.”

“Did Alex – did he really destroy _all_ his work?”

Nikki leaned against the sink and folded his arms; like Pax he’d dropped his voice. “No. Just the ones with his ex in it, at least that’s what his friends think; they put what was left in storage. But most of it has literally gone up in smoke.” Nikki’s brow creased. “What? You look relieved.”

“I am – that he kept some of his collection. I have a painting he did and I’d like to keep it.”

Nikki burst out laughing and clapped Pax on the shoulder. “Oh Pax. So Pax.” He chuckled. “What did you think Alex was going to do – make you burn it?”

“It’s not funny. I don’t know what’s going on with him.” Pax threw his arms in the air. “I know he’s hurt and this lover was some kind of muse but I never thought he’d cut everyone off like this.”

Pax had gone straight to his family when his own relationship with she-who-shall-not-be-named had ended. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if they hadn’t been there to curse his ex and stop him from doing the crazy things that crossed his mind. 

Nikki walked over to his sofa/bed and grabbed another chocolate bar.  “I don’t think this is just about the breakup. There is something else going on. Notice anything about this place? Think Alex. What’s missing?”

Pax shrugged and again wondered why he was here. He went to his rucksack and began to unpack it properly.  He’d left that painting Alex had done at home. It was a beautiful miniature of a falcon in flight. It wasn’t based on a known species. Alex had asked him to describe it and he drew it, painted it and gave it him as a birthday gift. Pax jumped at Nikki snapping fingers in front of his face. “Still on the planet?”

But that painting was from a long time ago. Pax faced Nikki. “Alex has hardly kept in touch, even when we were on the same planet. I don’t know why you’d expect I’d have some insight into him or why you asked me to come.”

Nikki perched himself at the edge of the sofa’s arm rest. “You’re helping being here. He’s always trusted us. Distance doesn’t mean anything.”

That woolly explanation all sounded like horseshit and Pax was about to say so until Nikki said, “His art tools. The daily images he captured and plastered everywhere. He was still doing that but not here. There’s nothing here.”

Pax glanced around at the blank grimy walls which needed a severe cheering up. It was a shame Alex hadn’t stuck anything up. Had Alex’s image walls in his studio ended up in the fire too? Probably not. The images he’d collected were never of people he knew – they were of strangers or objects or changes in light. That much Pax did remember.  Pax turned to the closed door. “What about in that room?”

Nikki shook his head. “Nothing. He left it all behind and hasn’t bought anything. No holo-sketching either.”

Max nodded in agreement as he slowly ate the sandwiches. He looked like he was savouring every bite.

“I don’t understand,” Pax said, placing another snack box next to the sandwiches. “No matter what he did – art has always been his thing. He was always working on something.”

Nikki wagged what was left of his chocolate bar at him. “See. You do understand.”

Pax was still suspicious about why he’d been asked to help but it didn’t look like Nikki was going to tell him. So Pax asked the question his Da said was always dangerous to ask a Vorkosigan - even if you could trust them with your life.  “Do you have some kind of plan?”

Nikki’s smile broadened into a grin.   


	4. Barrayar |Vorrutyer House Party | Donna’s Special Appearance

**Vorrutyer House**

Lizzie had taken a table near a towering, leafy plant that shielded her nicely.  Not that there were many guests now that the main festivities were over and only a few tables in the gallery were occupied. Lizzie’s eyes blurred as she tried to comprehend another housing document. The Nouveau Maison development as it was called, shortened to NM in a shimmering gold logo, contained a lot of material on how ‘forward thinking’ the housing development process had been at ensuring everyone affected had been involved.  It was all horseshit. How could they spin it that way?  She had had to dig deep to find anything on the appeal against the decision. About the only good thing about it all was there was still time before construction started.  Uncle Mark and Aunt Kareen’s company were one of three companies involved in the development. No matter which angle she looked at it there was no way her uncle and aunt didn’t know what the redevelopment involved.   There had to be more to it.

“Are you studying?”

Lizzie closed the file on her wristcom and met Clement’s enquiring blue eyes.

“No,” Lizzie replied.

“Ah, something secret.” He sat down opposite her at the table, adjusting his uniform as he leaned forward, his eyes appearing brighter against his pale features.  Once she would’ve suspected he was ill, except he always looked like that. “Love notes from your boyfriend?” he asked.

“No.”

“Girlfriend?”

Lizzie sighed. “No.” She should’ve just lied and said she was studying. “How are things at spook central?”

“The usual,” he said.

Lieutenant Lord Clement Vorrutyer was always vague about his ImpSec position as most ImpSec personnel were.  Instead of using it to give him a more mysterious or dangerous air, as Lizzie had been subjected to from many officers, Clement acted like it was a job like any other.

“So what do you think of my parents project?” he asked gesturing to the gallery filled with family portraits and several sculptures, all lining the way to the colossal mahogany doors at the end that opened into the vast library.

“It’s all amazing,” Lizzie said, not sure what else to say without calling attention to one of the main attractions.

He snorted. “Yeah, I bet no one is talking about it; they’re all wondering who painted that picture of my father in his previous incarnation.”

The painting of the naked, busty brunette draped over a large armchair had caught and held everyone’s eye.  Sophie had obviously not been expecting to see it up in the library, centre stage above the antique ornamental fireplace. 

“Sophie seemed surprised,” Lizzie said.  Sophie actually hadn’t said anything but her body language had spoken for her.  At least the library and gallery unveiling had happened after Sophie’s birthday gift giving and dinner but Sophie didn’t seem to see it that way; Sophie’s elder sister Milla had steered her out of the room with a roll of her eyes and Lizzie hadn’t seen either of them since.

“Sophie’s seen it before,” Clement said a touch defensively.  

And because he didn’t elaborate Lizzie didn’t hide her puzzlement. “Then I don’t understand, Clem.”

Clement adjusted his chair, leaned back and stretched out his long legs to the side. “Our parents asked us all if we minded it being displayed and asked Sophie if she minded the library unveiling on her birthday and she said she was fine with both.  None of us had any objections.”  Clement shrugged. “Now we have this farcical misunderstanding. Sophie thought the nude would be displayed in a private room, not unveiled today in the library.  _We_ all knew it was today.  Father should have clarified it with Sophie.  He knows what she’s like.”

“She was surprised,” Lizzie said neutrally.

Clement shook his head. “It’s not the surprise. Its phantoms – the Vorrutyer and Koudelka past,” he said.  “Sophie thinks she has to compete.”

Lizzie couldn’t ignore the fact that Sophie was always trying to be the centre of attention and caused a lot of trouble for herself at school.  There were only a few times where it felt Sophie was being herself and not performing.

“So father will have the painting moved which is a shame; it’s tastefully done, don’t you think?” he asked pinning her with his eyes.  “Do you have an issue with it?”

Lizzie measured her words carefully. “I’m not an expert but it doesn’t bother me.  It’s not my business anyway.”

Clement grinned. “Interesting answer. So you Vorkosigans are thin on the ground today.  Don’t tell me Selig and Simone have gotten jobs and moved off planet already?”

Lizzie laughed, relieved at the change of subject. “They’re at a scout summer camp, they’re both scout leaders. Won’t be home for a few weeks.”

“And your Lieutenant Helen still serving on Sergyar?”

“Yeah but you know that.”

“I’ve been away, out of the loop, not that anyone’s noticed,” he said with a theatric sigh. He moved his chair back closer to the table.  “A lot can change in a few months, weeks.” He took a small piece of pastry from her plate and ate it. “Do you mind?” he asked, his long fingers hovering above another pastry.

“You have appalling manners. Here.” She shoved the plate in front of him and he ate the rest of her leftovers rapidly.  She shook her head. “Didn’t your Mama ever tell you to chew your food?”

He fixed her with one of his direct looks. “I’ve been told not to ask you the latest on Alex and there it is.”  He wiped his hands on her napkin. “The look.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He grinned. “Course you don’t, you could kill basilisks with that look, Liz and here is another missing Vorkosigan. Hi, Taurie,” he said, standing up and kissing her hand in an elegant gesture that was as startling as it was unlike him. 

Taurie looked at him suspiciously as if waiting for a punchline and turned to Lizzie.  “Ah Mama said we’re leaving if you want to come or –“

“I’m coming,” she said, standing up.

Taurie turned to Clement. “Pierre’s looking for you. Said he didn’t know you were in the house.”

“He’s not that bothered really,” he said. “Did _you_ notice I’d been away?”

Before Taurie could answer a loud shout startled them all.

“Clem!” Lord Vorrutyer strode down the gallery, punched his brother in the shoulder and embraced him. “When did you get back?  Why didn’t you tell me? Where’s your respect for your elders?” he asked mockingly.

“You’re only 42 minutes older, Pierre.”

“Where’s my 42 minutes of respect?”

The Count and Countess also arrived to greet their son so after quick goodbyes Lizzie and Taurie quickly disappeared from the family reunion.  Lizzie looked down at Taurie’s kissed hand and whispered, “What was that about?”

Taurie glanced back at Clement but could only see the back of his blond service haircut. “Too much wine I suspect. Sophie’s _pissed_ ,” Taurie said dropping her voice as they made their way to the grand staircase.

“Yeah, Clem says the painting thing was all a misunderstanding though.”

Taurie smiled. “No, I mean she’s actually drunk. You missed it; she propositioned Lucinda’s betrothed and Lucinda slapped her so Sophie decked her one. I mean really, what did Lucinda expect from Sophie? Her mama trained her.”

They gossiped on the way home just like they used to and Taurie was like her old self. They arrived home but it was Ana Alys Arqua Vorpatril, Lord Vorpatril’s eldest daughter, who greeted them at the door. Allie burst out laughing.

“Your faces! Yes it’s me. Allie Vorpatril is back in town. We just arrived. The rest of the clan will be here soon. How was the Vorrutyer party? How are you all? How’s the hospital, Elvie? How’s your course going, Taurie? Tell me all!”

Taurie said a stiff, quick hello to her cousin but claiming tiredness went straight up the stairs to bed. 

“Something I said?” Allie asked Lizzie but then was swallowed in greetings from all sides.


	5. Barrayar |The Vorpatrils Arrive|Taurie’s Path

**Vorkosigan House**

Taurie lay on her bed staring at the ceiling.  The Vorpatrils arrival reminded Taurie sharply of what it was like last time Allie was here; she and Lizzie had been inseparable. It didn’t matter that Lizzie was older than Allie just as Allie being the same age as Taurie didn’t make them like each other any better; Taurie and Allie had never clicked. As far as Taurie was concerned it was Allie’s fault. She was always accusing Taurie of being moody just because Taurie didn’t like to go to _every_ social event or flirt with _every_ man she came across. Allie was also likely to nag Taurie to death about what was in her art folder and what was she hiding. Probably even follow her. Allie did that once when Taurie had had a date at the Imperial Hotel tea room. Taurie had never forgiven her for it even if Allie eventually apologised.

Taurie’s stomach flipped and she sat up on her bed and she thought about tomorrow.  What if Allie _did_ decide to follow her one day? To go to the college to see what she was doing?  It’s just the type of thing she’d do ‘for fun’. What Taurie was doing was harmless. But her parents wouldn’t understand why she wasn’t attending the course or why she had opted to work in an out of the way café instead or why she'd done it under a false name and disguise.  Taurie didn't understand it herself. But if she left the café what was she going to do instead? _What am I doing now?_

“Taurie, love, are you up?”

Taurie leaped off her bed. Had Mama heard her thoughts? _Of course she hasn’t. Don’t be a dope!_   She quickly changed into her nightshirt, took the band out of her hair and opened the door. “Yeah, just about to go to bed.”

Mama was still in her evening dress; the blue bringing out her eyes as she scanned Taurie’s face.

“Without taking off your make-up? That’s not like you.”

“I was just about to do that.”

 “Since you’re wide awake, you can see if your aunt or uncle need any help with the non-twins.”

“What? I thought they weren’t staying here. And what happened to their nanny?”

“They don’t have a nanny at the moment and they’re only here for one night. I asked them to stay since there are issues with the house which are being dealt with. You have no objection to that surely?”

Taurie looked away from her mother's stare and swallowed her guilt.  “Of course not, Mama.”

“They’re in the 2nd floor guest rooms.”

“I don’t see why Lizzie can’t do it,” Taurie couldn't help mutter.  She was probably with Allie.

“Because I’m asking you,” Mama said in that tone and she laid a hand against Taurie’s cheek, turning her to face her. “And you’re always so good with them.”

“I haven’t seen those kids in ages,” Taurie said, as her mother walked away.

“Yes, a good way to catch up.”

“That’s not what I meant.” 

Aunt Tej was patiently instructing someone how to use the shower. The bathroom door was closed but judging by the sharp, “Don’t tell me what to do, Mama. I know what to do!” That had to be Moira;   eight years old and born one month after her brother Rohan. Aunt Tej had said that after seeing all the grief both sets of Vorkosigan twins had given their parents about sharing a birthday they decided to do things a little differently. Unfortunately this didn’t stop everyone from outside the family referring to the Vorpatril’s youngest as twins anyway.  The siblings had coined the phrase 'non-twins' themselves and it had stuck.

Around the corner the other bathroom door was slightly ajar with a woody cleanser fragrance wafting through and Uncle Ivan’s distinctive warm voice saying, “The dryer is not going to burn your hair off. Has it ever done so?”

This seemed like a safer option than dealing with Moira. Taurie knocked on the door. “Do you need any help?”

“Taurie? Your Da wake you up and drag you out of bed?”

She laughed. “No.”

“We don’t need any help but please come in  - ah one moment.”

Taurie moved closer to the door to listen.

“She’s Nikki’s sister. When you see her you’ll recognise her.”

Rohan’s voice was so low Taurie couldn’t hear what he was saying but whatever it was his father agreed to it. “Come in, Taurie.”

Taurie entered the warmth and Uncle Ivan tapped his cheek, Taurie kissed it and he hugged her so hard she protested laughing.  Uncle Ivan, even in loose black trousers and a t-shirt, still had the same polished air about him but he was thinner than the last time she saw him with more silver threaded through his thick hair. Rohan watched from behind his father, wrapped in a Silver Space Pirates logo emblazoned robe. 

“I’m drying Rohan’s hair. Just this once,” Uncle Ivan said firmly.  “He’s deeply suspicious about driers. We’ve had a long day haven’t we, Rohan?”

“Hi, Rohan,” Taurie said.

Rohan stepped out from behind his father but stayed close to him. He didn’t look much like his father. Rohan like all the Vorpatril children had rich dark to black hair and bronze brown eyes of varying shades that shone bright against cinnamon skin.  None of the children had had their genes altered except for a gene clean but there was no denying that Aunt Tej’s genes had put their physical stamp more firmly on the children than their father. But when they were together the differences were unnoticeable. Even with Pax whose beauty seemed otherworldly. You could tell the Vorpatrils belonged together.

“Hi. I can shower myself,” Rohan said, his freshly scrubbed face glowing. “This was a shower induction.”

Taurie pressed her lips together to keep a straight face and when she spoke she hoped her amusement didn’t show. “That’s perfectly understandable. Don’t want you accidentally flooding the house. It’s important to have someone on standby.”

He grinned, the serious look vanishing. “That’s what Dada said.”

It was what Uncle Ivan always said. He and Aunt Tej gave their kids many ‘inductions’ since all the children were born with a bad case of ‘I don’t need any help.’  Since Uncle Ivan mentioned adults did inductions in work places the non-twins felt this was acceptable.

“Quite right,” Uncle Ivan said. “And when we settle in the new house we’ll have an induction there and then you’re on your own although tomorrow it’s your Mama’s turn with you, and I’ll have Moira.”

“But you can still wash my hair again too, Dada,” Rohan said. “I’ll let you.”

“Thank you, son. You’re very kind.  You know I just remembered why you won’t remember Taurie. It’s because she never visits. Even though she’s my favourite niece,” he paused, “named Taurie.”

Which was something else that Uncle Ivan said last time. Taurie smiled. “What if you get another niece called Taurie? You’re going to have get a new joke.”

“It’s not a joke. You’ve never come to see us on Escobar. I think you’ve forgotten all about us.”

Taurie laughed. “I have not and I know you would’ve been too busy this year. All those treaties you got the Escobarans to sign, especially the education treaty.”

Lizzie had been particularly thrilled about it. It meant she could practice Medicine there and would only have to pass the requisite professional planetary exam. The education treaty, mutually recognising each planet’s university qualifications may have sounded tame to many other planets but had been a sticking point for Barrayar for a long time.  It didn’t just mean an end to conversion degree courses for Barrayarans on Escobar but recognition of Barrayar as an equal.   

“Just doing the Emperor’s work,” Uncle Ivan said, moving behind Rohan to dry his hair.  

“I don’t like the emperor,” Rohan said. “He gave Dada lots and lots of homework.”

Taurie’s laugh was cut short by the strained look on her uncle’s face.  “You know that’s not the emperor’s fault. The emperor had a lot of work too.” He bent down and kissed Rohan on top of his head. “And things are different now,” he said and his grin was back. “We are going to have two months of fun.”  He vigorously towel dried Rohan’s hair, setting Rohan off into giggles.

Taurie was determined to ask Uncle Ivan many questions so she wouldn’t have to talk about herself. But Uncle Ivan in his affable way got her to talk without her realising it until after. He didn’t interrogate her on why she wasn’t applying to university for further studies, or ask about the summer arts course she was doing or even ask if there was a ‘young man’ in her life – the winning trifecta of questions she was forever having to answer. Instead he asked if she was thinking of going travelling after her course was over as that’s what he’d heard most people were doing these days. Travel wasn’t something that grabbed her heart. She ended up talking more than she intended.

“Everyone seems to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives,” and then she quickly added. “Your generation did. Anyway, I’ll see,” she finished feebly then turned to Rohan who was testing his hair with his fingers to see if it was still wet.

“You need to do another swish, Dada.”  He made a turning motion with his hands smiling, and his father scrubbed Rohan’s hair with a towel again much to his delight.

“Did you have a nice journey here?” Taurie asked Rohan and was met with a frown.

“There aren’t any demons in wormholes, is there, Dada?”

“No,” Uncle Ivan said in a tone which sounded like it wasn’t the first time. He looked at Taurie. “Moira made a joke about how there were demons in the wormholes.”

“And if you keep your eyes open during a jump they eat your brain but only if you’re a kid,” Rohan said earnestly. Taurie would have laughed but for the terror in Rohan’s eyes. “But it’s not true,” he said staring at her for confirmation. “It’s just a joke.”

“It’s not true and it’s not a very funny joke,” Taurie said and could well imagine what the journey to Barrayar had been like for poor Rohan. “But if you want to know about wormholes you should ask Nikki. He’s been a jump pilot forever he knows all about them.  Do you want me to ask him?”

Rohan angled his head to one side, and Uncle Ivan put a finger on his lips looking at Taurie so she didn’t say a word.  Rohan finally broke the silence with, “No thank you. I can send him a message myself.”  He looked up at his father who nodded. “Nikki bought me blue frog,” Rohan added.

“A toy frog,” Uncle Ivan said and mouthed _thank God._ “Nikki drops by at odd times,” he explained. “It’s always good to see my Vorkosigan nephew and nieces.”

“Alright!” Taurie laughed. “I’ve got the message.”

“Good and also it’s not exactly true what you were saying about knowing what you want to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“That we all knew.” He looked her in the eye. “I don’t regret my choices but let’s just say we weren’t presented with an array of them. There were different expectations. It made it easier for some of us, for others who wanted to divert from the ah –“

“Vorpath?”

He laughed. “Yes, for them it would’ve been harder. I know this about your parents though, they would never want you to do anything you didn’t want to do.”

She felt herself pale and wanted to leave from his enquiring stare, braced herself for a question but instead he kissed the top of her head and hugged her. “Make a plan to visit us after we leave Barrayar. That’s something I’m sure you want to do.”

“Why are you hugging _my_ dada?” Moira asked striding in in her matching Silver Space Pirates robe, her black ringlets bouncing around her face.

“Your Da gives some of the best hugs,” Taurie said.  “It’s nice to see you, Moira.”

Moira returned a hello only when prompted by Aunt Tej who followed with more hugs and regrets she couldn’t talk as they had to get the children to bed but she was fully intending to nag Taurie on why she hadn’t come to see them on Escobar, and to get her take on what had happened at Vorrutyer House and a certain painting.

“Do I want to know?” Uncle Ivan asked.

“Maybe you know already,” his wife said with a grin, and Taurie left them to it as Aunt Tej suddenly enquired why Rohan’s hair was still damp, and Moira complained that her Dada didn’t dry _her_ hair.

Back in her own room Taurie remembered the Silver Space Pirates blankets that Simone still had somewhere; the kids might like that.  She returned to the guest rooms to ask her aunt and uncle if they would want them when she heard Moira’s angry, tearful voice through the door.

“You’re going to work so I’m not listening.”

“Moira,” Uncle Ivan said. “I promise you I am not going to work.  I’m going to sit here and read you both this story and then I’m going to bed too.”

“You don’t know how to do it. Only Pax, Allie and Mama know how to do it.”

“It’s not been that long since I read to you. Don’t you remember?”

“No! And I’m not going to listen.”

“Alright keep your hands over your ears but I’m reading it anyway.”

Taurie stepped away not wanting to step into it something so fragile. She’d had no idea that Uncle Ivan’s work schedule had affected the kids so much.  Maybe she could help out.  She should leave her job in the café. Tomorrow would be her last day or maybe the day after. 

Soon.

But then she would have to tell her parents something plausible about leaving the arts course…that she had already left. What a mess. 

 

**

In a small room in ImpSec HQ, Agent Blue went over the surveillance vids again and re-read the small file and potentially explosive letter. Managing the arrest and interrogation of Lady Taura Vorkosigan was going to put a definite crimp in her day.  


	6. Earth | The Landlord’s Offer|Fight or Flight

**Meanwhile Back on Earth…**

Nikki tried to concentrate on his book but Max was late. In a building with the most unsavoury tenants, the landlord was being unusually inquisitive about their activities. He usually left you alone as long as you paid the exorbitant rent in advance but he wasn’t doing that now. Max had gone to do some recon, only leaving because Nikki and Pax had sworn not to leave Alex alone.  Not that he was hard to keep an eye on.

Alex’s door was partly open and he was lying on the makeshift bed staring at the cracked ceiling. He only closed the door when he was smoking reef greens or when he slept.  He had his earbuds in and Nikki guessed Alex was listening to some indulgent playlist full of heartbreak and woe. Nikki and Pax had had a heated debate about Nikki’s statement that nearly all ‘love’ songs weren’t about love but heartbreak.  This was nothing compared to the debate they’d had about whether the three legged object in the room was a table or a chair. Things were getting tense – to say the least.  It wasn’t helped by Alex’s silences.

He’d only come out of the room in the evening for meals thanks due to Pax parting with some of his precious Ma Kosti herb and spice mix; turning a bland packet soup into something that smelled and tasted like home. Slowly Alex started to talk but not much and not about himself. Seeing him without him sketching was strange. He was still moody but less zombie like than he had been a week ago and Nikki would take what he could, even the sudden shattering looks that would appear in his brother’s eyes before they would blur back to blank. 

But yes, things were starting to get fragile. Pax had agreed with Nikki to let Alex take the lead for now and not to press him about his plans but there were moments when Nikki felt like he was babysitting again. Alex’s sudden irritated flashes at Pax of _you shouldn’t have come_ required a lot of deflection and distraction to stop Pax from questioning why Nikki had asked him to come in the first place.  Nikki knew that wouldn’t last long.

Pax was using the kitchenette countertop as a barre and doing some eye watering exercises, not that Pax seemed to think so. He looked relaxed as if he wasn’t in the world’s ugliest flat with a water torture drip at the sink that they couldn’t get rid of. But there he was as if he was in class or rehearsing. His golden eyes bright and focussed somewhere in the distance, moving as if his body was made of liquid. Nikki observed the muscles tense on Pax’s broad shoulders and arms and looked at his own arms _. Hmm._  

“Is it normal to take two months off?” Nikki asked suddenly. “From your ballet thing?”

From what Nikki could recall Pax was a soloist or a principal or something quite significant, Nikki couldn’t quite recall.  Pax looked surprised and pleased at the question.

He smiled. “No but the company look after us.  There’s been too many burnt out dancers in the past that, with this company anyway, things are different.”

“Better than Escobar?”

Pax’s smile faded. “Yes.”

Aunt Tej had been ready to take on the whole of the prestigious, xenophobic, tight-arsed, (Aunt Tej’s words) Escobaran Star Ballet Company when they informed Pax, on his first day, that giving him a place was a mistake, non-Escobarans were not permitted.  It was a calculated insult – not aimed at him but at Pax’s ambassador father. This was before the Escobaran Presidente had taken a shine to Uncle Ivan but it was too late. Pax moved to London, Earth to accept one of the many other offers he’d received.

“Their loss,” Nikki said.

“Yeah.”

But it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Pax missed his family.  He was very close to all of them. Nikki had regretted telling Pax that he’d received a message from Rohan asking about wormhole demons. Instead of making him laugh Pax got peeved that Rohan hadn’t messaged him and he was genuinely concerned about Rohan's nightmares returning and about Moira. She’d been indulged by a new nanny who had been in awe of Moira’s intelligence and beauty and since Moira scared away most nannies the Vorpatrils relief that this nanny stayed had backfired on them. “In more ways than one,” Pax had said but said he couldn’t elaborate.  “Coupled with Da not being home as much because of work – Moira’s taken it more personally than anyone.”  They were all hoping the summer on Barrayar would get thinks back on track.  Pax needed to go to them soon. Nikki knew that but what could he do?  There was no hurrying Alex.  He’d ended up placating Pax by putting everything Pax suggested in the message back to Rohan which would hopefully allay his fears that wormhole demons weren’t going to eat his brain.

“So what are you going to do when you’re not dancing?” Nikki asked.

“I’m still going to take classes on Barrayar. I won’t be abandoning dance while I’m – while I’m away.” He paused, a light brightened his eyes. “I’ve ah got some news on my–“

Nikki stood at the loud banging and the signal that it was Max. He nodded to Pax and Pax unbolted the door, taking his stunner from the table. Boy wasn’t an idiot. But Max was alone. A very worried looking Max. He took Nikki aside and rapidly explained the problem. Nikki had expected something but not quite this.

“What’s going on?” Pax asked. “What’s got you worried?  You can tell me. I’m not a child, Nikki.”

Whenever Pax said that it reminded Nikki starkly of how old he was, in a few years Nikki would be 40 and Pax had only recently come of age. He _was_ a child.   It felt like only yesterday Nikki was babysitting him and Alex.  Good God. Where had the time gone?  He shook himself out of the unpleasant reverie and asked Max a few more questions before directing him to get something to eat. Nikki dropped his reader on the sofa and stared at Pax. _Yeah, you are a child!_

“The landlord is demanding an extra 50% for the rent,” Nikki said. He ran a hand through his hair and lost the band to his ponytail, pulled another of his wrist and tied it again. “Pax,” he said as calmly as he could. “Did you stop anywhere on the day you arrived?”

Pax looked away. “I may have stopped for a little while. Why?”

“I told you not to,” Nikki said. _Don’t lose it, Nikki._ “I told you several times not to stop anywhere and to come straight here – alright. Never mind. Where did you stop and why?”

Pax went to the kitchenette and poured himself some tea, a rapturous look on his face. “I saw a Paradisaeidae –a bird of paradise. That’s what they’re called. I couldn’t believe it. Must’ve escaped from a zoo. It’s not indigenous to this area that’s for sure. So I went to get a closer look at it.”

“A…bird?” Nikki asked.

“Yeah a bird,” Pax said. “So I took a vid and made notes in the small park the bird was loitering in.”

“That wasn’t a park! Didn’t you notice –“

“It’s whore central. I know. I told you I got propositioned.”

“I’m not surprised if you went there! You never told us that.”

“Because you get weird when I mention birds.”

Nikki lost another band from his hair and gritted his teeth. “Do you know how dangerous – at that time of night? All because of a damn _bird?_ ”

Pax sat down with his tea on the sofa and stared into space. His relaxed pose unlike the stubborn rigid set of his jaw.

“Alright! Alright!” Nikki said. The last thing he needed was to deal with one of Pax’s sulks. “Forget the damn bird. Just tell me what happened.”

Pax placed his cup on the chair they were using as a table (or the table they sometimes used as chair). “That fellow came a long who offered to put me up in a palace, and the whores who were very pleasant, warned me to be careful and left us alone.”

“That _fellow_ runs that patch and his brother owns this damn building. They think we’re trying to poach his _clientele_ and that you’re _servicing_ Max and Alex. He said you told him I’m your pimp.”

“I never did!” Pax said indignant.

“Tell me exactly what words you used.”

“I only –“ Pax’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Hah. It’s kind of funny. He must’ve misunderstood.”

 _Child. Damn child_.  “Pax…”

“He was persistent so I said I had to leave and he – ah asked if I had other arrangements. And I said yes.”

“Pax!  What the fuck?”

“Well I did have other arrangements! I had arranged to come here. Guess he thought I had an _arrangement_ with you.” Pax snorted a laugh.  “I don’t know why you’re looking so worried. We’ll just tell him he misunderstood and he made a mistake.”

“What else does he want?” Alex asked, stunning them all.  Nikki hadn’t even noticed him emerge. He stood in the doorway of his room, still unshaven but his eyes like lasers on Nikki’s face; reminding him starkly of their father.

Nikki took a breath. “He wants to _borrow_ Pax’s body for a week and he wants the money.”

“What?” Pax bolted up from the sofa.

“It’s not a request, is it?” Alex asked with a sigh. He looked at Nikki and Pax and shook his head with a rueful look.  “I’ve been here for a couple of months and had no trouble. You’re here for a week and turn the locals against us.”

“I’ll leave,” Pax said stiffly. “Then you can stay.”

Alex turned to Max. “Transport?”

Max shrugged on his jacket. “In ten, m’lord.”

“Everyone pack up. We leave in ten,” Alex said.

Max was already out of the door. 

Nikki hid his relief and could have throttled Pax when he said. “We don’t all have to leave. I’m the one-“

“We all leave,” Alex snapped, facing Pax.

Nikki would often muse if Pax’s staggering beauty and Alex’s quiet intensity would cancel each other out when they were together – all it did was make you wonder where to look until you became desensitised to it. It caught Nikki out sometimes but most of the time he could just enjoy watching other people lose their words around them. It wasn’t enjoyable now. Not when both of them were pissed off.

“Where are we going?” Pax demanded.

“You have a place don’t you?” Alex asked.  “It’s the least you could do. You and your damned birdwatching! Good God, Pax! You’ve not changed at all, have you? Bird witted! I don’t know what the hell you’re doing here anyway.”

Nikki flinched at the look at the flashed across Pax’s face before he turned to his camping gear. “I have to pack,” Pax said through his teeth.

“Yes we all do,” Nikki said quickly. “Let’s get to it.”

Nikki couldn’t believe that only a few minutes ago he was lamenting Alex for not shifting. Be careful what you fucking wish for. He was glad to go but not like this. For the first time Nikki wondered if his da had been wrong to tell Nikki to ask Pax along.


	7. Barrayar | Lizzie & Allie’s Visit | Lizzie’s Decision About MK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting these and I'm currently full of painkillers so really hope these are the right versions I'm posting. I've double checked - I'm pretty sure they are . I've split the chapters so there will be more chapters. Not many chapters left to post! Thanks for reading.

**Caravanserai**

Allie stroked her fingers lightly over a flower; it was brightly painted in shades of soft pink to cinnabar red with names and dates – details which were all over the walls for different people with large flowers, small flowers and flowers painted within flowers.  Allie shone a light from her wristcom on to the wall to view the more faded names.

“Are you done?” Lizzie asked.

Allie slowly rose from her crouch and faced her pacing cousin. “Have you even looked at these?” Allie asked. “Some of these dates go back to the ToI.”

“It’s a memorial. Throw a stone in VS and you can hit ten of them.”

Allie did her famous one eyebrow raise and Lizzie glanced at her wristcom again. “I’ve still not heard from them. What’s taking them so long?”

“You’ve only just messaged them.  I still don’t understand why _you_ took so long asking them about the development.”

Lizzie thrust her hands in her jacket pockets. “I told you. I wanted to see if I could resolve it without them.”

Which was not like Lizzie at all. She always complained about people going the long way round to do things and yet she’d sat on this for a week before telling Allie about it or even contacting MK (Allie’s  nickname for Uncle Mark and Aunt Kareen which fit well as one of their companies was called MK Galactic.)  Allie could’ve said this aloud she but she was trying to tread more carefully. She had promised Mama to be more sensitive around the Vorkosigan children (Mama still called them children) since they were all still reeling from Alex’s activities. But Lizzie, usually a _mostly_ open book to Allie, wouldn’t talk about Alex at all and would change the subject whenever Allie tried to bring him up.

“Memorials are important,” Allie said and she meant it. “You can never have too many and this one is unique and unofficial.  I wonder what its history is. Your Madam Dimitrou will know I’ll bet. Good we’re going there.”  

“Oh are you ready to go? Have you stopped seducing the wall?”

Allie stroked the wall again and winked. “If I _had_ seduced this wall, Elizabeth Vorkosigan it would’ve been reduced to dust. What?”

Instead of the expected laughter Lizzie shushed her. “Don’t yell out my name!”

“I didn’t yell it I - you’re so antsy today! What’s with you?”

Lizzie paced and spun back around. “Look they don’t know who I am, alright? They don’t know I’m a Vorkosigan so just don’t mention it and they don’t know our family are involved in the development otherwise there is no way she would’ve agreed to see me so don’t mention that either. Probably no need to mention your last name either and maybe you should cover up.” Lizzie gestured to Allie’s chest. “Madam Dimitrou is probably quite conservative. Do up those top buttons.”

Allie looked down at her fitted silky blue blouse and laughed.  “I can tell you now that those buttons aren’t going to close.”

“Only because your breasts are about twenty times bigger than mine. I don’t know why you’re wearing my blouse.”

Allie grinned. “Because the colour suits me and matches my hair. Do you want me to take the dye out of my hair too?”

Lizzie was eyeing Allie’s blue and brown curls with a frown and Allie rolled her eyes. “You need to calm down. If she doesn’t like me it makes you look good and gives you a chance with that tasty pirate.”

“I never said he was – I should never have told you about him. I’m not interested in him and I’ve done this on short notice so he won’t be there. He doesn’t work nearby. Wait for me!”

Allie charged ahead out of the passageway, picking up the bouquet of flowers they’d left resting on the ground. Lizzie picked up the chocolate box and half jogged out in front of her cousin with lots of warnings of what to say and not what to say.  Lizzie knocked on the door still giving Allie instructions under her breath. Allie thrust the flowers into Lizzie arms as the diminutive Madam Dimitrou opened the door and she looked up at Allie startled.  Allie gave her best smile, shook Madam’s hand and held it, a technique that worked for her father with some gruesome women he’d come in to contact with. “I’ve heard so much about you Madam Dimitrou, I’m Lady Allie Vorpatril. I believe you’ve met my cousin Lady Elizabeth ‘Elvie’ Vorkosigan?”

Lizzie dropped the flowers on the ground.

**

Madam Dimitrou had no new information about the development.  She laid out the flowers on the table, the damp scent of cut flowers permeating the room as she delicately arranged them in her favourite vase. She told them that the appeal had failed but no one was giving up. Her grandson in particular would find a way even though he was very pessimistic.

“Gets that’s from his mother’s side,” Madam said.

She on the other hand was optimistic. No one was going to remove _her_ from her home. Lizzie looked through the latest documents Madam Dimitrou had received and Allie could tell it wasn’t helpful.  Lizzie was seething at Allie dropping her name like that but Allie didn’t care.

“Vorkosigan you say?” Madam Dimitrou asked again, turning around, her soft grey eyes peering at Lizzie’s face as if she’d grown an extra one.

Lizzie smiled. “Yes. One of many.”

“Well,” Madam Dimitrou said, placing another rose in the vase. “Well. Fancy that. A Vorkosigan. In my parlour.”

Lizzie glared at Allie who kept up her poker face. “Elvie is right,” Allie said from her position by the window. “There are a few Vorkosigans and some of them are involved in the development but we had no idea until recently. We’re trying to find out what their involvement is but we wanted to be honest with you. Wouldn’t want you to think we were keeping anything from you.”

 _Damn you, Allie!_ Lizzie stood. “Shall I move these chocolates out of the sun? I wouldn’t want them to melt.” Lizzie moved the box from the light drenched side table, giving Allie her death stare as she passed.

“Good idea, Elvie.  And why don’t we go in the kitchen and do the tea. No, no please Madam, you’re busy and it’s our pleasure.”

They left Madam to her flowers and thoughts, and made their way to the kitchen.  Allie frowned at the kitchen table.  “If that table was a few inches that way, it would give more –“

“Screw the table,” Lizzie said through her teeth, “how could you do that!”

“It needed to be done,” Allie said, opening and closing the orderly cupboards. “I’m not going to apologise. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt as an Ambassador’s daughter it’s that some secrets need to come out sooner rather than later. Da said I’ve got good instincts. You should trust them.  You’re the one behaving oddly. Ah found the tea!”

It was hard for Allie to stay mad at Allie especially when Allie carried on behaving like everything was alright. Allie was just being…Allie _._    They took their tea at a small table in the back garden, and Lizzie mentioned her mother’s gardening passion and profession and how she would admire what Madam had done with the space. The gardens in the proposed relocation were tiny Lizzie suddenly recalled.  Fred entered through the back door and Lizzie, startled, tried not to look guilty in response to the accusatory look he threw at her.

“Frederick! I thought you couldn’t come today,” Madam Dimitrou said.

“I got someone to cover my shift when I found out who was coming. I know who you are _Elvie_ and who your uncle is.” He turned to his grandmother. “Grandma, she’s a spy for her uncle.”

“I am not!” Lizzie said, standing up. “I would never!”

“Frederick! Where are your manners? Of course she’s not a spy.”

Fred crouched down by his grandmother and gripped her mottled hands. “Her uncle’s involved in wanting to remove you from your home.  Did she tell you that?”

“That’s not true.” Lizzie said. _God I hope it’s not true._ “I’ve asked my uncle about it.”

Fred stood from his crouch. “Yes? And what does he have to say for himself?”

“We’ve not heard back yet,” Allie said, sipping her tea.  “He’s a busy fellow, as soon as tells us we’ll tell you.”

“I’ll bet,” Fred said with a sneer which with that eye patch and piercing blue eye made him look so like Captain Xavier in Silver Space Pirates that Allie couldn’t help herself – she burst out laughing, nearly choking on her tea as her cup clattered on to the table.  After half choking and laughing she apologised and it took her a while to calm down with everyone’s eyes on her.  But it seemed to defuse the tension. 

Allie wiped her eyes.  “Sorry, just a flash of something.”

Lizzie stepped up to Fred. “Look, whether you believe us or not, we don’t want anyone to lose their homes.” She looked at Madam’s troubled face and Lizzie was more determined than ever. “We want to help. We will help.”

Madam Dimitrou sighed and patted Lizzie’s arm.  “Have some faith, Frederick, love.  I trust these girls.”

“Elvie has done a lot of research,” Allie added, “but if you don’t want to discuss it with us that’s you’re prerogative but don’t you think it’s worth just hearing her out. What harm could it do?”

Allie hand signalled Lizzie to keep her mouth shut and they waited.  Fred folded his arms and eventually said to Lizzie, “So you _do_ call yourself Elvie?”

“Some people do. It’s El from Elizabeth and V from Vorkosigan. My cousin Allie,” she said gesturing to said cousin, “is the one who thought of it.”

He turned to Allie and Allie grinned, stepped over and held out her hand. “Lady Ana Alys Arqua Vorpatril. Pleased to meet you, Frederick.”

He looked down at her hand before shaking it.  “It’s Fred. Less of a mouthful than your name.”

“Frederick,” Madam said in warning tones which he was obviously pretending not to hear.

“Nothing compared to my mama’s name,” Allie said. “One of the reasons Mama fell for my Da was because he remembered it all first try, and then she really fell for him the first time they had se–”

“Allie!” Lizzie said sharply.

“Let’s talk about what we know,” Allie said.

Fred was distrustful but he heard them out and admitted that he’d found the same as Lizzie. He looked grudgingly impressed at all she’d uncovered. But there was nothing new they could use for another appeal. When Allie mentioned the memorial wall he said the developers had agreed to leave it be which was good but they couldn’t use that against them in the appeal.

Fred was forced to walk them out and as they passed the memorial Fred stopped when Allie asked about it. “Your grandfather has a couple of memorials, doesn’t he?” Fred asked Allie in his blunt way. “Nana told me she used to watch your father at one of them on his birthday, when they stopped all the traffic every year. Nana felt sorry for him.   Most people here couldn’t afford any elaborate memorials like that so they painted the flowers. It’s not just for the men who served, it’s for the missing – men, women and children.  This your transport? Good. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”

“We will too,” Lizzie said to his departing back. “Damned rude. I don’t think he likes us.”

 Allie knew what she meant but made light of it.  “Hmm. Yeah, he’s not attracted to my buxomness or your will-“

“Don’t say willowy. I am _not_ willowy.”

Allie scanned Lizzie’s elegant willowy form, envying her natural poise that was so like Aunt Ekaterin’s elegance. Allie angled her head. “Maybe Taurie would be more his type – she’s like the body type between us two – what? I’m joking. Oh. What is it?”

Lizzie was staring at her wristcom. “It’s from them.”

“MK? What do they say?”

Her eyes scanned the message “ _Fuck!”_ Lizzie rarely swore so Allie prepared for the worst.

Lizzie didn’t want to go back to Madam Dimitrou’s with the new information – not yet.

“We could go to mine,” Allie said. “They’re all at my grandparents again.  We went yesterday for dinner.”  Allie wanted to tell Lizzie about it and the way her grandmother sighed a lot at Allie’s short hair and trousers and the way she treated Da like he was a child. It had made Allie almost explode from all the laughter bubbling inside her but Lizzie was too distracted to listen and since she had to go to work soon they returned to Vorkosigan House. 

 

**Vorkosigan House**

Allie read the written message and viewed the small vid from MK saying they hoped to see them all soon and that they were sure the accompanying written message would reassure them of their actions and intent.  “Why do they always sound like they’re talking to a client?” Allie asked, using Lizzie’s comconsole for easier viewing.

“Uncle Mark is more comfortable with business diction and it doesn’t mean he loves us any less,” Lizzie said.

“Your parents say that a lot, eh?”

“Hmm.” Lizzie only half acknowledged the question, she stared at her bedroom wall as she paused her dressing.

That message with links to various documents showed there were more than three companies involved not just theirs. Also that it had been MK who had insisted on the new clinic with the new school as part of the deal. The new maligned housing was far better than the archaic plumbing and power supply currently residing in the older housing – that to update those in the houses marked for relocation required gutting the properties and leaving the shell – a costly endeavour; a shell which was going to be turned into apartments.  With most people in favour of the development MK emphasised that it was impossible to please everyone but that they would do everything they could to make sure the new housing was of a high standard.

Allie cleared her throat. “Shall I play devil’s advocate or will you hit me?”

Lizzie shook her head and then again as if to clear it.  She wound her hair up with a clip, strands falling out to frame her face as they always did.  “I know they’ve done more than most people would’ve done. I see that but I don’t agree with it.” Lizzie took a breath. “Uncle Mark doesn’t understand that it’s nothing to do with getting a new house with up to date plumbing. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t stay any place longer than five minutes.”

MK were rootless. It was true that they rarely stayed any place for long. No one knew what they called home. Perhaps Uncle Mark was like that because of his complicated past but Aunt Kareen had grown up on Barrayar although Aunt Kareen made no secret of the fact that she wanted to leave the planet as soon as she could.  They both did so much for the Imperium and Uncle Marks’ investments had helped make the Vorkosigan District richer but MK were both restless as soon as they hit the dirt.

“They really seem to think this will work out the best for everyone in the end,” Allie said carefully.

“I know,” Lizzie said. She seemed more relaxed than before. “Fine.  They can’t help so it’s up to us.  I promised Madam Dimitrou I’d help and I will. You don’t have to though, Allie. I dragged you into this and –”

“No, I’m in, of course I am but what do you want to do?”

Lizzie looked surprised. “To sabotage them of course - the relocation part of their deal. To save the homes of the people who want to stay. You can get thinking while I’m at work.”

Allie was part concerned and part cheered by Lizzie’s words but Lizzie wasn’t one to rush in heedless so Allie wasn’t that worried. Well, not too worried. “Alright well we’ll run all ideas by each other before we act, right? I’ll get thinking but I have a date tonight with Daniel – he’s insisting we go to dinner first.”

“First?”

“Before we have sex. He does this every time. He’s still such a Vorbretton! I told him I don’t need the dance – I’m fine with going straight to his place but no. I’ll just have to make him think it’s his idea to cut the dinner short.”

“How are you going to do that? No forget that,” Lizzie said registering Allie’s grin. “I don’t need the details.  So you and Daniel still have this thing then?”

“It’s not a thing,” Allie said quickly.

“Seems to be a thing every time you’re on Barrayar.”

“We just see each other. It’s not a big – it’s not a thing. Doesn’t have a label.” Allie strode over to Lizzie’s wardrobe. “Do you mind if I borrow that silver skirt? Don’t worry, it has a split in it already. I’m not going to tear it.”

“You tear it you buy it. Yeah, yeah go ahead.”

“And I have an idea already,” Allie said. “How about getting Taurie involved in our sabotage plan?” Taurie could be a more sobering influence to balance things out. “May help bring her out of this shell she’s climbed in.”  And she’d promised her parents she’d make more of an effort with Taurie but Taurie wasn’t making it easy.

“I’ll think about it,” Lizzie said. “I don’t think Taurie’ll be interested. She’s really moody and boring these days.”


	8. Barrayar | Miles’s Visitor |Arming Taurie

Miles waited in the converted attic room that the kids used to play in. The other half had been partitioned off into Nikki’s chosen room before he moved out. The kids hardly came up here now; snug in their own rooms or caves as Miles called them.   The attic was back to being the dumping ground for various ‘we’ll sort it out later’ boxes, wedding presents they never found a use for, the garish vase Tej had wrapped for Ivan that he had sent to them from Komarr; Ekaterin refused to let go of it – she became sentimental about the oddest things and Tej got a kick out of it every time she saw it but not enough to take it from their hands (Miles had tried. Repeatedly.) Miles shifted and the canvas against the wall twisted his heart – one of Alex’s. A painting of a VS street scene.   _Why couldn’t you speak to me? To your mother?_  Miles ran a hand over his face and recalled the brief message from Nikki, _“Alex is ‘waking’. Don’t worry. All going to plan. Love to all.”_   Bless that boy.

The alarm chimed on his wristcom and on cue the window opened and Agent Blue deftly jumped down.  Miles watched her fake blue eyes scan the premises as did one of her spook toys. “It’s all clear,” Miles said.  “I told you. Why do you do that?”

“Because it irritates you,” she said, her voice a different pitch to her normal voice. Ever the paranoid professional. She used a subtle voice changer even though Miles knew her real identity; he knew those boots increased her five foot three inch frame by an inch; that under that close-fitting hat she probably had a wig over her short brown hair and that she’d covered the scar that ran along her chin into hair.  

“My staff know there’s a sweep; I could’ve snuck you in.”

“Nah. I like the roof.” Blue sat next to him on the box and sighed. “You know, I only came back to Barrayar to review my training programmes. I’m not supposed to be doing fieldwork. I’m too old for this.”

“You don’t look old,” Miles observed and she pulled a face.

“Not my fault.  I should start failing the medical on purpose.”

Miles smiled. “You said that last time. So you have an update on my son?”

Her hands gripped her knees and she turned her head to face him. “Not one of mine but I can tell you the assigned team fully appreciate your son finding a place in the arse end of nowhere.”

Miles couldn’t help but smile.

“The derelict properties,” Blue continued, “and whore and chem cartels are of course an added bonus to any covert activity.”   She tapped his knee with her finger. “Just give the word, you could pull him- pull them all out.”

“No.” Max would make that call only if they needed it; anything else would drive his son further away. “My orders stand. You’re not here to just do a sweep. Is it the Vorpatrils?”  

“Not mine either and you have the updates but no, there’s no Jacksonian chatter.”

He raised his brows and she waved a hand. “I knew you’d ask.  Alright I can’t put this off.  You remember those high end pseudo ID kits being sold to school kids a few years ago?”

Miles nodded. “Not one of mine,” he mimicked with a smile and froze at her look.

“Taurie,” she said. “That’s why I’m here.”

That feeling he’d had for a while, that thing that he couldn’t quite put his finger on now gripped his heart. He had thought it was Alex.  “ _My_ Taurie?”

“Try to listen, don’t interrupt and don’t give me one of your death stares, Miles. Remember this is me telling you this. You know how I handle things. Tomorrow I will be interviewing Taurie in a safe house about her use of a pseudo ID and a letter she submitted to the university under your name – here.” Blue showed him on her wristcom as Miles focussed.  “She got lucky, Miles. It got flagged directly to the boss who sent it to me.”

Taurie was working in a café? How had he missed this? And she’d – Miles read the letter and swore. He rapidly thought through all the scenarios and there was no way he could admit to knowing its content.

“Which is why fast penta is out of the question,” Blue said, as of reading his thoughts, “and luckily for us I never had to use it in the original case.”

“But Taurie didn’t even go to that school.”

“I know so I checked. She was in the same scout group as the seller. It’s how some of them were sold the IDs.”

Miles looked up at Blue. “Why are you really here?”

“Because I want to give your daughter the same second chance I gave those other girls.  This would just be a wrist slap if it wasn’t for the letter and you being a bloody auditor.  Your work on the Vorsmythe district corruption case makes it even harder for her to have that second chance, Miles. If this got out –“

He stopped her speech with a look. She scowled. He didn’t need to be told. They’d use Taurie as an example. They’d wreck her life to make a point. Even exonerated for an innocent mistake it would destroy her.   Ever since the Vorsmythe family had nearly bankrupted their own district by lax auditing and too much nepotism people were out for blood. Vor blood.  

“ _If_ this gets out we will have a record that it wasn’t ignored and we followed through. It’s the only way to protect you both.”  She sighed.  “You understand? She is of age.”

“Only just. She’s just a kid,” Miles said sharply.

“I agree,” Blue said softly. “So since I conducted the original interviews with the other girls it makes sense that I interview your daughter. All being fair. One parent brought into the interview when required, and two agents. Exactly as I did last time. Tomorrow you are the parent.”

“And the letter?” Miles asked. “There was nothing like this in the original case.”

Blue smiled. “Since this is linked somewhat with the ID it makes sense that I deal with that too.”

“No one else will think so.” He was an Auditor after all.

She shrugged.  “I made the case to the boss and he agreed, eventually so that’s good enough for me.  This is _my_ case.”

“Who else knows?”

“Lieutenant Clement Vorrutyer tracked the ID.  Ah of course, you would know him. Very discreet. You don’t need to worry about him. He flagged it and I got the surveillance on your daughter. Apart from finding that letter there was nothing else. The case is locked to me now. Vorrutyer doesn’t even know about the letter – only me and the boss know.”

“And the university.”

“And the university.”  She stood. “Miles, let me handle this. You have to trust me.”

“What do you think I’m going to do?”

She studied him and he pictured those flickering hazel eyes he knew were behind the blue.

“I know you want to protect your daughter but you have to trust me that this is the way to do it. Time to go. I know I don’t need to tell you what to do,” she paused, “and what not to do for both your sakes.”

“She’ll be there.”  Miles waved a hand. “Go.” But she’d already gone.  No footprints in the dust.

So Clement knew? If someone had to know Miles would accept Clement. Not that he had a choice. This wasn’t the first time Clement had diffused a powder keg. His delicate handling of data had placed him under a spotlight at ImpSec.  Miles swore profusely.

Ekaterin came up half an hour later, her long gown brushing the floor. She held out her hand. “What is it, Miles? What are you doing up here? Aren’t you coming down to dinner?”

Miles enjoyed the warmth of being wrapped in Ekaterin’s arms before saying, “What do you make of Nikki’s message?”

“Ah so that it. I’m trying not to be optimistic.”

“Optimism – not a Barrayaran disease,” Miles said.   

He hadn’t seen Ekaterin all day and they caught up on their respective meetings while Miles planned how to deal with tomorrow. The whys would have to wait.

“I saw Tej too at their home,” Ekaterin said.  “She’s worried about Ivan for several reasons and he won’t agree to hire any new nanny after what happened.”

Miles dragged his thoughts away from his children to the non-twins and understood Ivan’s fear and hesitation. And fury. “You mean his in-laws attempting to abduct the youngens through the nanny?”

“Tej’s family are still insisting it was a misunderstanding. That the IDs and secrecy were to protect the children from their Jacksonian enemies.  That it’s common practice to create those IDs. What is it?”

Miles scrubbed a hand through his hair.  “Ekaterin, I need you to raise a particular topic at dinner. There is also something I need to explain to you but I can’t do it until tomorrow.”   

Ekaterin searched his face, her own had paled. “This about the children?”

“Yes. Tomorrow it will be resolved.” He’d make damn sure of it.  “I can’t tell you before the end of tomorrow.”

“Is it Alex?”

“Not Alex.”

Ekaterin didn’t look happy about it and why should she be? There had been many things that Miles had never been able to disclose to Ekaterin over the years but they came to an understanding on how to handle it. When it came to family Ekaterin knew that Miles would tell her everything when he could and she could always tell when there were things on his mind. It had never been easy to find a balance on how much he could disclose without compromising his family or work.  

A call from Gregor helped Miles compartmentalise and cease his elaborate plans to stop Taurie’s interrogation. Miles didn’t fight that he couldn’t sleep; he wandered around the house like a ghost looking in on his sleeping girls until Ekaterin dragged him back to bed.

 

 

 


	9. Earth |Fight not Flight |Alex’s Falcon

“Max, drop me at the embassy please,” Pax said, opening his eyes and sitting up.  “I need to check in.”

“Of course, m’lord.”

“Why the fuck do you need to check in?” Nikki asked, unsealing his iced water bottle and taking a swig.

Pax, seated almost opposite Nikki, gave him the full force of his burnished bronze eyes.  “Because I promised my Da I would. You have a problem with that?  You can get into my flat without me. You still have access and I’ve added –“ Pax’s face stiffened. “I’ve added Alex on to the list.”

Alex said nothing. He hadn’t said one word on the entire journey. He was seated behind Nikki and had a row of seats to himself in the decrepit ten seater vehicle but Nikki kept an eye on him.  Alex would look out of the aircar window intermittently, watching the storm clouds following them and slowly he’d uncurled from his slouch but whatever he was listening to on his earbuds was keeping him occupied. He’d kept his eyes closed but Nikki couldn’t tell if he was sleeping.  Pax on the other hand had alternated between being intensely silent or a prickly bastard.

Nikki leaned forward and lowered his voice. “If you don’t want us to go to your flat –“

“I said it was fine didn’t I?” Pax snapped back.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Nikki asked. “You got something to say just say it.”

Pax’s long fingers busied with sealing the straps on his rucksack.  “You could’ve hired someone. You didn’t need me at all.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Giving me all that crap of how Alex needed me.” Pax raised his head. “Horseshit! Alex is still the same. You asked me to come because you knew he’d be pissed that I was here and because you know my face gets me into trouble.”

“What do you mean _I’m_ still the same?” Alex asked before Nikki could think of how to refute Pax’s accusations.  He didn’t know why Pax’s brazen honesty still took him by surprise. Alex now looked very much alert. Sneaky sod. 

“So it worked,” Pax said ignoring Alex. “You got him out. Congratulations.  I’ll be back later.”

“Pax, come on-“

“You shouldn’t have lied to me, Nikki. I’m not a kid. I would’ve still helped.”

“Hey I’m not invisible what are you two talking about?” Alex asked, moving out of his seat into Pax’s aisle.  Pax didn’t respond and Nikki tried to signal that he’d talk to Alex later but Alex had that look and Nikki knew that look; he unbuckled his harness as quietly as possible and slowly shuffled in his seat closer to the large door.

“This is as close as I can park,” Max announced.  

Nikki opened the door and the heavy heat flooded the aircar.  Pax unbuckled and half stood to leave, falling back as Alex dived and hooked a leg under Pax’s causing him to fall in the isle between the seats. Alex wasted no time and sat on Pax. “Answer my question! What –“ Pax threw a punch and moved out but not far enough as Alex threw a punch in return, knocking Pax’s head back against the floor,  and Nikki, already outside the vehicle with Max, shook his head.  

“Give them a minute,” Nikki said mildly, grabbing his own bag from the aircar and taking out some essentials.

Pax and Alex were both scrappy fighters, but in such a small space the filthy aircar was causing them more damage than they were to each other. When Alex fell back close to the open door, Nikki grabbed his shoulders and hauled him all the way out, dropping him on the ground.  Nikki poured his ice drink over Alex’s face, leaving him gasping and swearing but not getting up.

Pax moved slowly out of the air car and Nikki sighed. “You done?”

“I could go another round.” But he sat on the edge of the air car, gingerly rubbing his jaw, long legs stretched out.  

Nikki tossed healing packs to both of them. “Kids,” he muttered.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Alex said, his dishevelled appearance together with the stains from the filthy aircar made him look like a vagrant. Pax looked just as rough but it didn’t diminish his looks one iota.

“You already know it,” Pax said wearily, holding the healing pack against his eye. “I know why I’ve not heard from you. You and your family think everything about me is weird. But I’m not ashamed of my interests. I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t need your approval.”

“What interests?  I never said anything about them!”

“You made a dig about my birdwatching. I told you you could stay behind in that hovel. I could have just left on my own.”

Alex barked a laugh and winced. “ _That’s_ what this is about?  It’s not the birdwatching, you fool. You were there because of me.” The anguish in Alex’s voice was a relief to Nikki. _It’s about time_.  “If anything had happened to you, Pax it would be my – damn it, Pax, you should’ve listened to Nikki and gone straight to my _hovel._ No, you listen,” Alex said staggering upright as Pax had stood too. “It was just like when you were kid and you’d scare us all to death by wandering off talking to strangers or chasing after some bird and no matter how many damn times we’d tell you not to do it you’d still do it. _That’s_ what I meant about you not changing.”

Pax looked down and broke the silence with a petulant, “I _can_ take care of myself but-” he looked at Alex, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “You may have a point.  I did used to wander off. Nikki was a terrible babysitter.”

Nikki’s heart lightened as Alex and Pax exchanged grins. And just like that they made up.

“Hey,” Nikki said. “I delegated. But no one was as paranoid and as overprotective as our Alex. Born babysitter.”

And it was those protective instincts that Nikki had been relying on to kick in with Pax’s arrival, not that it had been exactly his idea but whatever. Da had been right. It had worked and shifted Alex to think about someone and something other than himself.  Alex had always been very protective and over anxious around his younger cousins and siblings.  It had been a family joke.

“You’re not the only one I’ve ignored,” Alex said. “Not personal, Pax.” He frowned. “If you felt like this why _did_ you come?” he asked, sounding more curious than accusatory.

Pax shrugged. “Nikki asked and you’re – well, you’re family.  You’d do the same for me,” Pax said. “It’s the way it is, right?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah it is and as for you being weird, you are and that’s one thing you and me have in common,” he said with a rueful smile.

“After you’ve checked in at the embassy let’s go to a club,” Nikki said, he surveyed them. “After we’ve all cleaned up.” The humidity had rapidly drenched his clothes. Never mind washing off the sweat, he was looking forward to showering off Alex’s hovel in Pax’s pristine apartment.

Alex’s sombre eyes warmed and he surprised them all with a, “Sounds good. I could do with a drink.”

Pax smiled. “Yeah? Are you going to dance too?”

Alex pulled a face. “You know I can’t dance.”

Nikki sighed.  “Yeah we all know it but when you’re smashed Alex you tend to forget it.”

“Well make sure I don’t forget it,” Alex said. “Get me out of there if I insist on dancing.”

“Sure,” Nikki said.

“Absolutely,” Pax said. “Speaking of getting smashed.  I got a message from Allie. She told me Sophie got drunk and punched someone at her birthday party, and that Uncle Dono displayed a huge nude painting of his Lady Donna self _at_ the party.”

Alex and Nikki refused to believe it.

“It’s true!” Pax insisted. “Sophie’s left Vorrutyer House and is now crashing at Mila’s. Apparently it’s all some misunderstanding but you know what Sophie’s like. Do you want to see the nude?”

They huddled around Pax’s wristcom to view the image;  Pax and Nikki struck by the ample size of Donna’s breasts and the difficulty of reconciling this with the image of the stocky, bearded Dono. Alex didn’t seem to notice the breasts but commented on the excellent brushwork which set Pax laughing for a long time it was a while before Pax could head off to the embassy. 

 

 

**

After cleaning themselves up at Pax’s swish flat they made their plans to go to a club which got delayed for Pax when his neighbours called around, delighted to find he hadn’t left yet for Barrayar.  Nikki had met the two women before, one was a designer of some kind and the other a finance something; both almost as beautiful as Pax, both a lot older than Pax, and both keen to have him to themselves for a couple of hours.

“Pax do that a lot?” Alex asked as Pax left the apartment with a knowing smile on his face.

“Probably,” Nikki said. 

Alex looked a lot better; all cleaned up, no beard and dressed in a fashionable long asymmetric shirt that changed colours before going back to silver, contrasting well against his dark trousers. The shirt was too big as it was Pax’s – Alex had no club wear on him but Alex had the confidence to carry anything off simply because he didn’t care about what he looked like.

“I thought he had a regular girl he was seeing?”  Alex asked shovelling down his second plate of groats; his appetite had returned with a vengeance but Pax didn’t have much food in.  Nikki had already sacrificed two chocolate bars to Alex and needed to restock. 

“She messed with his head or tried to. I wouldn’t bring it up unless he does.” Nikki sighed, adjusting his layered jacket in the mirror. “Pax is still looking for someone long term. Can you believe he’s already decided how many kids he’s going to have?  Never met anyone so young who wants to settle down.”

Alex laughed at Nikki’s shudder. “Not for you, bruv?”

Nikki tied back his hair. “No fucking way. Never met anyone I wanted that life with.” He paused before asking, “What about you? Was it that serious with your ex?”

Alex grimaced. “I can’t give you that conversation right now, Nikolai.”   He put his plate down on the table. “You ah hear from Mama or Da?”

“All the time.”

Alex nodded but closed up again and Nikki remembering his mother’s advice did what she said. _Don’t push your brother to talk. It always backfires. I need you to employ as much patience as you can with him_.  His father’s advice had been a different variation. _Push him when the time is right. I trust your instincts._  

Nikki could see Alex was at the edge of one of his brooding pits. Not the time to push.  “Alright I’m ready,” Nikki said.

“You sure you don’t need another hour?”

Nikki smiled. “I look good enough to eat and that’s exactly what’s going to happen. I have some time booked with someone at the club so we better hurry. You be alright on your own for an hour?”

Max, currently in the spare room sleeping or pretending to sleep, had agreed to Alex’s demand that he had to have the night off but they knew there would be someone watching. The embassy would make sure of it because Max and their parents would make sure of it. So far the ‘children’ had been allowed to fight their own battles but Nikki had never received a straight answer if there had been occasions if threats had been dealt with that they weren’t aware of.  They would be told when they needed to know was the standard response.

“I’ll be fine,” Alex said rolling his eyes as he stood.  He wandered over to the shelves displaying family portraits.  “I have been living on my own you know.”

“Hmm.  Alright let’s go then.” But he was at the door on his own.  “Alex?”

Alex was absorbed in a frame he held in his hand. “I don’t believe this.”

Nikki strode over and looked at it. “It’s a bird. Very Pax.”

“I painted this. Years ago.”

“Yeah? Oh Pax did mention he was worried you might want one of your paintings back. Maybe this is the one.”

Alex turned to Nikki, appearing confused. “What?”

“You burnt your collection,” Nikki said and was heartened when Alex smiled.

“But that has nothing to do with this! I did this years ago for his birthday.  He was obsessed with swans and falcons then.  Years ago,” he repeated.

Nikki waited, not sure what was going on in his brother’s head.  Nikki studied the painting too and since he didn’t know anything about art technique just gave his honest opinion about the falcon. “I’m not surprised he likes it. It looks alive, like it’s about to fly off the paper.”

Alex looked abashed and suddenly younger.  “Thanks.” He placed it back on the shelf.  He let out a laugh. “I’d forgotten…” he shook his head. “Come on. Let’s go to the club.”  And he glanced back at the painting again before they left.

 


	10. Barrayar | Taurie’s Interview|Taurie Gets the Blues

 

In a dimly lit room Taurie was made to wait.  She stared at the water in front of her and the stain it made on the grey table. She’d awoken in the room, slumped on the chair.  The last thing she remembered was entering the bathroom stall to change from her day of work at the cafe. She hadn’t felt whatever had knocked her out. Didn’t recall the journey to this room. She thought she’d been kidnapped even when the woman with the bald, scarred head identified herself as ImpSec - Agent I. She told Taurie not to speak, for her own sake, that another agent would be interviewing her. Taurie asked to call her parents. The request was refused.  _I can be brave. I can be brave._ Another Agent, smaller than the other agent entered. She looked too young to be an agent and had short black hair and bright blue eyes. She explained how everything would be recorded and logged. She told Taurie how she’d arrived at the safe house and then Taurie wished she had been kidnapped when Agent B turned to Agent I and said, “Report.”

The agent related how Taurie was dropped off by her driver every weekday at the university campus; she’d enter and go straight to the bathroom where she would change her clothes, alter her eyes to blue and don a long blonde wig. Then she’d leave by a different exit and she’d start work at a Kia’s – a small café far off the university campus. After work she would return the same way and change back and be picked up by the driver to take her home.

Agent B explained that although Taurie may have considered her deception benign the ID she was using was produced by a gang who dealt in illegal arms and chem smuggling; that selling high-tech IDs to rich kids was a sideline to fund their main activities. To hammer the point home she played her a vid of the bodies the gang often left behind through some of their jobs. Taurie vomited into a bowl that had been placed on the table and neither of the agents commented on it. Agent B then continued. Explaining how the gang had been caught, including the student involved selling the IDs.  Taurie clutched her icy stomach. Irene. Taurie had had no idea Irene’s family had moved because of this. Moved or incarcerated somewhere?  She’d heard so many rumours but not one thing about the IDs.  How had ImpSec kept this quiet? Hope and dread battled in her. 

“Your ID was one of the last left not activated, until now. We tracked you through the ID,” Agent B said simply.

“I didn’t know about any of that,” Taurie said, her throat parched. She made to lift the drink and the glass fell from her grip. Agent I picked it up and refilled it. Taurie swallowed the water which felt heavy in her stomach and throat.  “I’m sorry but I didn’t mean any harm. I didn’t do anything with it but work as someone else. That was all. Just work in a café.  I won’t use it again.  I didn’t know about all those things.”

But that wasn’t the end of it.

 

Miles knew very well why he’d been kept in the dark but that didn’t make it taste any less bitter or disperse the anger.  Weeks of surveillance on his daughter without interference, his or anyone else’s. Miles entered the room ready to be solid, strong and came close to falling to pieces at the smell of vomit and Taurie’s pale face as she locked eyes on his face but she stayed where she was.  She’d been crying. He threw Blue a look and she gave him one of her own; Miles forced himself to remember Blue’s past and her obsession with giving second chances.  He had to trust her. Miles sat beside Taurie and squeezed her icy hand. He stared at her. “Everything is going to be alright. Do you understand?”

“I’m so sorry, Da, I-“

“It’s going to be alright,” he said in as matter of fact tone as possible. He held her eyes and Taurie nodded.

Blue sat opposite and signalled to the other agent with the fierce scar; she moved and sat at the back of the room, took out a knife and began to pare her nails with it. Miles knew all about this Agent Indigo and her knives and was furious at her being there. It was overkill having her there to scare his daughter. Indigo met Miles’s stare with one of her own. Miles gained some slight satisfaction when it was Indigo that broke eye contact. Blue gave Miles a hard look before she spoke. Alright, yes, he knew that Indigo would be part of this; she was in the original interviews.  Blue explained how she’d informed Taurie about her ID. 

“There’s no evidence linking her to any illegal activity,” Miles stated. “All this is overkill.”

“She purchased and used a pseudo ID but after all the surveillance we agree that it’s a minor offence. She has admitted and apologised for her severe lapse in judgement. Were you aware your daughter was using a pseudo ID?” Blue asked Miles.

“Of course he didn’t know,” Taurie said. 

Miles stared at Blue and bit back a retort; Gregor’s words in his head. _Trust her._ _Quick and clean, Miles. The best way we stop this molehill turning into a planet.  So try to be less…Miles._   Gregor was not worried because his auditor would not make it more difficult, would he?  So Miles answered the questions because they were to keep a record in case anyone came looking. So he admitted- no he didn’t know about the ID, no, he didn’t know his daughter was using it to work in café, no he did not know she was not attending the course.

Blue took a flimsy out of a file and slid it across to Taurie.  “Recognise this?”

The letter stated Taurie would no longer be attending the arts course and that the funds were to be transferred as a gift to a student who couldn’t afford the course. 

“So Count Vorkosigan, you weren’t aware your daughter Taurie forged this document, and transferred district funds under your name and using your seal?”

Taurie’s hand went limp in his and he registered her shock. Last night Ekaterin had brought up the new penalties for misappropriation of district funds, pretending she’d read something new about it and how it had all come from the Vorsmythe case. Taurie hadn’t reacted. She hadn’t seen that that was what she’d done. Until now.  Miles rubbed her hand with his thumb. But Miles was surprised. This question Blue should have asked Taurie when she was alone and she knew it.  Blue wasn’t taking any chances with his daughter.  Taurie was of age; she had committed the worst kind of fraud.  She had no legal right at all to do what she had done no matter the intent. If anyone saw this interview Blue would be raked over for making such a rookie mistake.

“There is no forgery,” Mile stated, squeezing his daughter’s hand.  “Taurie had my permission.” _Retrospectively._ “It’s not unusual for my daughter to be involved in philanthropic causes.  Giving someone else her course place is just who she is.” And that was true of Taurie. She wouldn’t have wanted it to go to waste.

Blue raised her eyebrows. “So you _did_ know she wasn’t doing the course? Are you changing your answer?”

She knew damn well he wasn’t and couldn’t change his answer.  “Taurie informed me the funds were for a course but I did not know that she was giving up her own place.”

Taurie said nothing until Blue asked her to confirm if it was true and Taurie answered that it was and with the way Miles had worded that last statement it was indeed true just not the _full_ truth.

Blue nodded. “I’m not going to sit in judgement on how you run your district Count Vorkosigan but perhaps closer scrutiny on how your accounts are administered would have prevented this deception and future deceits.”

“That’s not fair,” Taurie said, her voice shaking. “The accounts are audited independently, we Vorkosigans have nothing to hide.” 

The accounts were something else that Ekaterin had mentioned. Yes, it would’ve come out eventually and by the look on Taurie’s face she was only just realising that too although what she said about the accounts was true but the rest wasn’t. Vorkosigans had plenty to hide but they were family secrets not District secrets. But he was proud of his Taurie.  And the more he thought about it, now he knew it was close to being over – _my God, my daughter got one over on me . My Taurie._ Miles started to relax and clamped down on a smile.

“Is this everything?” Miles asked in as bored a tone as possible. “I’m sure my daughter has been more than cooperative.” 

“We will have to deal with your employer,” Blue said, ignoring Miles. “You understand you can no longer work there and I would avoid entering the premises. Even if they don’t know what you look like.”

“What will you tell them?” Taurie asked.

“You’ve had to leave the planet due to a family emergency.”

“They have my contact details.”

Blue smiled and it even lit up her fake blue eyes. “No they won’t.”

“I left a jacket there.”

“No you didn’t. Leave it to us.” She paused before asking, “Do you understand what you’ve done?”

“It won’t happen again.” She looked at the letter and back at Blue.  Blue ended the interview and closed off the recording. She turned to Indigo who nodded and left the room.  Blue faced Taurie.

“You will not speak of this to anyone except your parents.  This is not only your second chance, Lady Taurie but your father’s.”

“Da hasn’t done anything!” Taurie said angrily.

Blue nodded. “No, he hasn’t but your actions however small and innocent have come close to jeopardising his career and reputation.”

It was more effective than a slap. Taurie looked at her father, guilt washing over her face.

Blue leaned forward. “Swear it on your name that you will not discuss this with anyone else for _all_ your sakes.”

“She doesn’t need to do that,” Miles said.

“It’s alright, Da. I understand.” Taurie swore it on her Vorkosigan name and raising her chin said, “I understand what it means to give the word of a Vorkosigan.” She looked surprised at her own words.

 


	11. Barrayar | Taurie Makes a Decision| Ivan’s Made His Decision

**Vorkosigan House**

After the apologies and tears, Taurie couldn’t explain it but in answering  her parents’ patient questions Taurie’s sense of unbelonging came through keenly, as did her fear at voicing these thoughts because of all the anxiety Alex had caused finding his own way.  “I didn’t want you to think I was giving up the course because of Alex.  I should never have signed up to it. I just felt I had to do something. So I thought it was easier to just not tell you.”  She didn’t blame _him_ or anyone for that but it did seem that everyone was so sure of themselves and she thought if she was someone else – not a Vorkosigan – it would help to see who she was; what she wanted.

“But even having a different identity it was still the same really, I was still running into myself.” Taurie said. “I don’t know if that makes sense.”

“Perfect sense,” Miles had said. What had he done with his alter-ego by Taurie’s age?  Nothing as innocuous as working in a café that’s for sure.

Ekaterin rested a hand against Taurie’s cheek. “I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t come to us because of Alex. It should be the opposite, Taurie. We would rather know, my love.  There is no single path set out for any of you, not by anyone. We were never troubled by Alex’s change in direction but that he suffered for it every time no matter what we said. We don’t want that for any of you.” 

There was both hurt and relief at seeing Taurie’s own relief at hearing this – something Ekaterin and Miles had tried to get through to their children but it seemed other things had gotten in the way.

“Being a part of this family has a weight to it,” Miles said, “It has its advantages but it’s never going to be easy.”

Taurie nodded. “I know.  I see that. I don’t expect easy. I think I took that weight on without thinking it through. And I understand why that weight is important because of the position we have.  And I know there is one thing I really want to do.” And she turned to her mother because this was more her department.  “I want to know more about running the district. I can’t believe I did something so stupid with that letter.  I want to know about more about the nuts and bolts of how we affect people’s lives.  I’ve never considered it properly until now. I’m not saying this is all I want to do with my life,” she said hurriedly, “but it’s something. It’s a start.”

“It’s a fine start,” Ekaterin said and she and Miles wondered what else their children had in store for them.

 

**

In the library Ivan stretched his feet out and sipped his wine in silence. Miles seated opposite, his feet resting on a footstool, was preoccupied with something but Ivan didn’t mind.  He missed this, the library with its comforting scent of books and antique furniture.   Would his kids like an old fashioned library like this when they got a more permanent home or would they have all moved away by then? _Everyone’s growing up too fast._

Yes, sometimes he liked silences but only in small doses and not when his thoughts started to go down unwelcome roads.

“Taurie took the non-twins out yesterday,” Ivan said. Stating the obvious was usually a good opening to annoy Miles but he didn’t bite. Just brooded into his glass. “Very good of her,” Ivan continued.  “She didn’t even blink or question when I told her of the extra security that would be with them.”

“She’s a good girl,” Miles said with a nod, “a good daughter.”

Ivan stared at him. “Something wrong?”

“Yes but no,” Miles said. He raised his eyes.  “Anything from your in laws?”

“You haven’t heard the latest? Udine is claiming Shiv is ill and needs to see his daughter and grandchildren.”

“Ill?”

“Some nebulous illness involving the heart. Meaning he can’t travel and that we’d have go to Jackson’s Whole.”

Miles sputtered on his drink. “After what they just did?”

“Exactly so although they’re not sorry for that. Same thing as it always is.” In a way it was a comfort. Ivan knew where they stood. His in-laws belief that anything they did was justified because it’s the Jacksonian way.  The IDs, attempting to abduct the children off planet, bribing the nanny – all of it was they insisted to ‘protect the children’. To take them without anyone knowing meant Arquas enemies wouldn’t know either. Of course they would’ve informed Ivan and Tej _after._ They weren’t abducting them. These were _their_ grandchildren and they had every right to see them. If Ivan wasn’t such a difficult son-in-law they wouldn’t have had to resort to such methods. So which was it, Ivan had asked, him being difficult or to protect the children from their enemies?  He hadn’t received a reply.

“I told them that would happen over my dead body which is probably what they want at this stage,” Ivan said with a sigh.

“What’s your answer?” Miles asked.

Ivan grinned. “I’ve told them that we’ve suddenly changed our minds, no kids will be there but we will be but with extra visible security and also hiring local security when we get there.  It’ll look like a small army.”

“You would hire locals?” Miles asked incredulous before letting out a chuckle. “Ah of course you wouldn’t but if you said you were and the other houses discovered it they would take that as a provocation or a potential threat.”

“Would they?” Ivan asked. “Well. That’s none of my concern. We’ve not received a reply yet.”

“Is Tej worried?”

“About Shiv? Of course. They know how to push her buttons.” He leaned back into the armchair, recalling the argument they’d just had.  “She’s not speaking to me because I’ve told her the kids are never going to be allowed to see her family for a long while.” Although Tej not speaking to him never lasted longer than a few hours. 

“Even Amiri?”

Ivan shook his head. Tej’s brother was another story. He hadn’t returned to Jackson’s Whole for over two decades “I don’t count him as part of that. He’s been superb with the children and he always warns us if he hears anything.  He’s also on my side in this,” Ivan said. “He said the birth of the children has had a strange effect on his parents. But they’ve always been strange to me. I don’t see much difference.”

From the moment the children were born his in-laws critique of their parenting had never wavered.  Ivan hadn’t cared and Tej had tried not to care.  Then one day Udine stated in front of the children that if they’d had their genes edited by her they would have been ‘better’ but that there was still time, still much that she could teach them that Ivan and Tej were incapable of doing being too similar in their unambitious outlook. Udine would provide the balance that the children badly needed.  

Ivan’s clear glimpse of what Tej’s upbringing had been led to him stunning Udine (and Tej too apparently) with a scathing lecture and threat that if Udine or anyone in the family ever spoke to his children like that again they would never see them again and that she was never going to be allowed to see them alone until he was satisfied she had proved she knew how to behave. Pax’s sudden awareness and anxiety about his beauty had part fuelled Ivan’s reaction; luckily Pax and Allie had been too young to understand Udine’s words.  Coupled with the fact Ivan still refused to allow the children to set foot on Jackson’s Whole no matter how ‘safe’ his contradictory in-laws said it was now Udine accused her son-in-law of poisoning the children against his grandparents. Everything was Ivan’s fault.  

“No matter what happens, no matter what her family say or do I’ve had enough. And if they want to see Tej it will be on our terms.”

“You mean your terms?” Miles asked.

“Like I said, I’ve had enough. Tej has too but –“

“You’ll be the one they’ll hate.”

“Keep hating, yes. Let them.  Anyhow enough of them.” Ivan waved a hand as if to dismiss the subject.  “I want you to look at something.” Ivan activated the remote console he’d brought with him and scanned his hand on it.  He accessed the file and looked across at Miles’s enquiring gaze.  “I’m sending it to Gregor before I send it to Galactic Affairs.  I know better than to blindside Gregor. I’m sending it regardless of what you say but your eye on it would be appreciated.” Ivan handed Miles the console.

Miles read it with a frown and a small gasp.  “You’re sure?  You’ve got some balls requesting a specific transfer.”

“As one of my staff is fond of saying  - in for a penny, in for a pound.”

“That’s some pound. What if Gregor calls your bluff?  And let’s face it – this is going to be Gregor’s call.”

Ivan shook his head. “It’s not a bluff. Regardless of what’s said I’m either resigning or transferring to a position of my choice. Escobar needs an ambassador without children and more trade staff, especially with recent developments. My family have suffered enough.”

Miles angled his head, eyes searching. “But everything you’ve achieved.  We finally have a mutually beneficial relationship with Escobar. The terraforming – don’t you want to be involved in that?”

“I _was_ involved.” The trade minister has been next to useless, doubling Ivan’s work and Gregor trusted Ivan to carry out what was required. Well Ivan and his staff had done it; he felt like he’d lost years not just with his family; years of time, sleep, sex –  he couldn’t blame Gregor for that although Tej did.

“The groundwork has been laid,” Ivan said.  “The Escobaran methods aren’t going to change, and I have passed on everything to make it smoother for my successor – God help him but I’m done with this job sucking the life out of my family.” Ivan thought about his children. Oh yes, he was very sure about this decision.

Miles pinned him with his eyes. “Ivan, think about this – people will say you couldn’t hack it.  No one will believe you’re doing it for your family.  If Gregor refuses your transfer and accepts the resignation no one will be offering you anything of this level again.”

Ivan stood and knocked back his wine. “I know.”

It hadn’t been an easy decision, but nothing was going to change on Escobar. Everyone going on about all he’d achieved and what he’d done. And nothing about what it would cost and continue to cost if he stayed there. 

“Gregor is going to try to talk you into staying. The Presidente made no secret you were part of the success. Gregor will offer extra staff – staff who know how to handle the Escobarans.”

Ivan let out a short laugh. “I was promised staff after the trade minister returned home and took his staff with him. Excuse after excuse - budget cuts, staff needed elsewhere. There isn’t anything the emperor can say to change my mind.  I know it was bad timing.  I accept that but even with the staff it’s not the place for my children.” He turned back to Miles. “And as for the Presidente she’s not going to risk her planet for personnel. No one is indispensable. Except maybe your father.”

They did a silent toast with their raised glasses.

Miles handed Ivan the console. “Their loss but your gain regardless. You look surprised.”

“Aren’t you going to chastise my choice?”

“Putting your family first is an ambition I can get on board with.”

Ivan held up a hand as his wristcom chimed. “Speaking of family. I have to get this. What is it, son?”

Rohan’s face hovered above his wrist. “Dada, are you in a meeting? I can call back if you’re in a meeting.”

He smiled. “It’s fine. I’m just talking to your Uncle Miles. Is everything alright?”

“Yes but I want to put Dendarii dragons in Romeo and Juliet but Moira said I can’t and that I’d need to ask Shakespeare first but he’d dead, Dada. And Allie said not to pester her when she’s in the lav.”

Miles chuckled into his hand. Ivan so used to these questions asked what he always had to ask first.  “Is this for school? I don’t remember seeing that.” Surely they were too young for that play. “But I remember we agreed you would do the assigned homework before you did something else.”

Rohan had had a habit of writing the homework he wanted not what he was assigned to do.

“It’s not summer homework. I did that all already and you checked it.   I read a quote and then read the play and Allie helped me but it’s horrible, Dada and I don’t like the ending so I want to put Dendarii dragons in it. But I like some of the words - _Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine, That all the world will be in love with night._ They’re beautiful words aren’t they?”

Beautiful words – Rohan collected them and wrote stories around them.

“Yes they are.  Well Moira is partly right.”

“Told you so!” Moira shouted. “Let me talk to, Dada.”

“No, I’m talking first. Then you can talk. Does this mean I can’t do it,” Rohan said in such a woebegone voice Ivan struggled to keep a straight face.

“Yes, you can do it. You have to put down that it was originally written by Shakespeare and that you’ve made changes. Just like you did with the other stories you changed. It’s the same for plays.  I’m sure Shakespeare won’t mind you putting dragons in it.”

“ _Dendarii_ Dragons,” Rohan corrected and he was all smiles again. “So did you know Shakespeare, Dada?”

Miles burst out laughing.

“How old do you think I am?” Ivan asked. “Alright. Report.”

“Oh, Dada!” Rohan said but he looked pleased.

“Two minutes of verbal or two minutes of animation or two hundred written words on when and where Shakespeare was born, and how old he would be today if he was alive.  And how much older than me he would be too. You can add anything else you want but it has to be about Shakespeare’s life and you remember the other rules.”

Rohan grinned, nodding. “No jargon!”

“And all acronyms spelled out once at the beginning and only used when _absolutely necessary_ ,” Moira yelled. “Can I do the report too, Dada.”

“Yes. Go ahead. Was that all you wanted to ask me.”

Rohan nodded.

“Does Moira still want to speak to me?”

Rohan looked behind him and shouted loud enough for all of Barrayar to hear, “Moira! Do you want to talk to Dada?” After a pause Rohan said, “Moira said she’s busy now with the report and she’ll call you when she’s free.”

Ivan had already heard Moira’s equally loud reply clearly and he laughed. “Alright.” It was a relief that he and Moira had finally reached a normal place where she wasn’t testing him all the time to see if he was going to leave or let her down.

“I’m going to go now. Love you, Dada. Bye.”

“Love you, son. I’ll see you at home.”

Ivan looked at Miles. “I don’t know what you’re laughing at – you’re the same age as me.”

“But I obviously don’t _look_ that old. Dendarii Dragons, eh?”

Ivan knew that as much as Miles accepted the Dendarii Dragon theme park’s success, the history of how it came to be developed was still a sore point between Miles and Mark.  “They love the theme park, Miles.  They’ve been twice already.  But they like the dragon trail the best.  All that mythology around the wormhole collapse releasing dragons on to Barrayar and how they’re hidden away in the mountains. That’s a lot more than it was last time. Who started that stuff?”  

“I don’t know. Probably one of Mark’s marketing staff.  What’s with the acronyms and jargon restrictions?”

Ivan grinned.  “I told the children how adults don’t always get reports right first time and mentioned the acronyms and jargon and how I sometimes get my staff to rewrite their reports.  Now the children always mention it. How long this delight at writing reports will last I don’t know. It’s strange though that that sticks in their heads but getting Moira to pick up her clothes off the floor still requires a daily reminder.”

Miles laughed and then sighed. “Lock the door. I want to tell you something that happened with Taurie.  I’m giving you clearance but not Tej. You understand?”

“Understood.”

“And – something else about Taurie, an idea for you and Tej to discuss.  It was Ekaterin’s idea.  If she has time I’ll ask her to join us.”

Ivan hadn’t seen Miles like this for a while. “Are you alright, Miles?”

Miles let out a strange laugh.  “I’m getting there, Ivan.”  Miles locked the library door and re-checked the security settings.  “Do you think our children will ever stop surprising us?”

“Oh yes,” Ivan said.  “When we’re dead.”

Miles laughed long and hard.


	12. Earth |The Troll Club |Dancing, Sex and Epiphanies

Pax made his way to the nightclub Nikki had chosen. The Troll Club wasn’t one he often frequented but Pax wasn’t keen on most nightclubs. He liked dancing and socialising now and then but he always ended up in fights through no fault of his own. Nightclubs in particular tended to bring out the extremes in people and as a dancer Pax couldn’t afford to risk injury. 

At least Nikki wasn’t on the main dance floor; he’d taken a booth on the balcony which had smaller closed off sections leading to a few music and elite pleasure rooms.  But when Pax saw Nikki he took a detour back down to the main floor. Nikki was preoccupied with someone; maybe the same person he’d booked time with but Pax doubted it. They usually stayed in their rooms.  Pax tucked his hair behind his ears to make sure his earrings were visible. Most people would know what they meant and if they didn’t they’d look it up on their comms. Pax avoided eye contact with anyone; he could feel the eyes on him sometimes, often he could tune it out.

 “Pax! Finally! You have got to see this,” Alex said, mouth wide and laughing.  He grabbed Pax’s arm and began to weave him through the dancers to the back where there were two large music rooms for the performers.  “I was holo-sketching the podium dancers and this singer came on stage and it’s Uncle Ivan! His doppelganger. Told Nikki to come down and see. You have to see this - what’s wrong?”

Sketching? That cloud that had enveloped Alex had gone. This was a different Alex. Pax looked down at Alex’s hand to check the tab which was no longer green but half amber. No way near red yet.

“I’m not drunk. Not that drunk. You’ll see what I mean. Oh damn!” Alex said.

The flashing sign at the entrance screamed FULL CAPACITY.  Alex looked across at the nearest booth and grinned at the two men who scanned Alex and Pax with frank, open stares.

“Do you mind if I borrow your table-vid for a minute?” Alex asked. “I want to show my cousin something?” Alex’s gaze rested on the man with the large cobalt blue eyes and lopsided grin who was staring from Alex to Pax and back again. Blue eyes nodded and indicated to the tiny space next to him with his hand. The other fellow just fixed his eyes on Pax in a way that made Pax’s skin want to shrivel from his bones.

“I’ll stand thanks,” Pax said inflecting his voice with as much ice as possible and exhibiting as hostile a body posture as he could.

“I’ll sit,” Alex said and squeezed in next to blue eyes and was practically sitting on his lap. “This alright?” Alex asked.

Blue eyes moved to look at Alex more fully.  “What did you want to see?” he asked, in a strong Vervaini accent, his mouth close to Alex’s cheek.

Alex pulled slightly back but whispered, “Now there’s a question.”

“Can we just look at this musician?” Pax asked. It was weird watching Alex flirt.

Alex brought up the music room which allowed you to project the music to your table from the other rooms for an extra fee. Pax didn’t activate his ear buds. He didn’t want to listen but he frowned as he watched.

“He doesn’t look at all like him,” Pax declared. It didn’t seem to take much to get Alex drunk.

“Think thirty, forty years ago. You’ve seen the portraits of him and my da in their ancient younger days. Forget the hair colour.” 

The fellow had light brown almost blonde hair under the lights; his face and broad, tall build was a little like Da, Pax supposed and when the fellow suddenly grinned it did remind him a little of his father.

Alex burst into delighted laughter, reading Pax’s face clearly. “See! I told you. Nikki! Where have you been? Look – Uncle Ivan’s past doppelganger.”

Nikki agreed it looked a bit like him but didn’t have time for a longer study as the singer soon disappeared and they only caught his stage name of J. There was no way to reverse or record the performance either since the club had mechanism in place to prevent that. Pretty soon their table drew a crowd and Nikki looked on amused as Pax was unable to blend into the background.  Alex soon disappeared into one of the downstairs bookable empty rooms with Sol, the startling blue eyed Vervaini. The other fellow – Lix – became persistent and borderline aggressive when Pax didn’t want to do the same but Pax stood his ground and he left before Nikki got involved.

“Those fuck-off earrings usually work?” Nikki asked as they made their way to the pleasure area to wait for Alex.  Nikki had seen Lix head the same way and he wanted to make sure there would be no trouble.

Pax lifted a hand to his earlobe and fiddled with the Do Not Approach coloured stones. “Some people take it as a challenge. Even when I was on Beta Colony.” Pax sighed.  “It’s better than nothing. You look like you had a good evening. What was her name? I’ll make a note.”

 “Reesa. Definitely worth the price.”

Nikki felt like he’d unwound at last. He’d picked a surrender package, he hadn’t even wanted to speak and he hardly did which was what he needed and Reesa knew exactly how to service him into bliss. Then after he’d met an old friend he hadn’t seen in a while who gave him a different kind of buzz.  They exchanged comms details but who knew what would happen.

“Didn’t you have a good evening?” Nikki asked.

“Yeah but -” Pax shrugged. “It’s all so temporary. It’s not like having a girlfriend. I don’t want to talk about it,” he added and Nikki kept his mouth shut. Pax got unreasonably angry when Nikki pointed out how lucky Pax was to have women falling into his bed.

When they reached the clinical grey waiting area of the bookable rooms sure enough Lix was arguing with the guard in the foyer because he couldn’t get through the barrier scans.  He also had a few people with him. Lix whispered to them and they laughed as they looked at Nikki at Pax. Especially Pax.

“It’s not automated?” Pax asked surprise to see a guard, ignoring the looks from Lix and co.

“It is but they always have someone around; this club has a high health and safety rating. I can see why.” Nikki’s jaw tightened. “That fellow’s trouble.”

Lix was insisting the room had been booked for three and he wanted to go through no doubt to meet Sol and Alex. “It’s room 12. Just let me through.” He offered the guard a bribe who ignored him.  A few minutes later an older bald hulking man covered in tattoos arrived. He gave Lix a hard look.

“If your friends made a mistake they have to change the booking.” Nikki and Pax started at the man’s thick Barrayaran accent as he spoke to Lix. 

“I want to book a room then,” Lix said.

The man grabbed Lix’s hand and shook his head at the flashing red. “No reds. You know the policy. Leave this area now or we make you leave.”

He indicated to a man and woman who appeared at a side entrance. Swearing profusely, the Lix fellow shot Pax a look before he left, a peculiar smile on his face as his friends scanned Pax up and down and mouthed _later_ in a way that chilled Pax’s stomach. Nikki took a step forward. Pax placed a firm grip on Nikki’s arm.

“Leave it. It’s fine. He doesn’t know who I am or where I live unless Alex tells him.”

“Alex is not that fucking stupid."

“Then it’s fine.”

The hulking guard walked over to them and close up they could see the deep lines around his eyes but it was hard to gauge his age. He wasn’t young though that’s for sure. “You booked a room?” he asked.

Nikki shook his head. “We’re waiting for a friend.”

The guard looked to where Lix had left and turned to Pax. “You’re trouble. He has stupid friends. You leave the club when your friend returns.”

Nikki stared. “Us? Get _them_ to leave. They’re the shitheads who want to cause trouble.”

The man folded his arms and returned a stony look. “You want to speak to manager?”

“It’s fine, Nikki,” Pax said in resigned tones.

“Yeah I want to speak to the manager,” Nikki said, surprised at Pax. He was usually more stubborn that this.

The man smiled. “I am manager and owner although I’m not usually here. Lucky day for you?” Suddenly he laughed.  “Trouble like your fathers,” he said, “although they paid for the damages.  I don’t want damages.”

Nikki and Pax were too stunned to speak for a moment. “Wait. What – you don’t know who-”

“Nikolai Vorkosigan, stepson of Count Vorkosigan” he said pointing at Nikki, “and Lord Padma Vorpatril, son of Ambassador Lord Vorpatril.” He pointed at Pax. “We make it our business to know the Vors who come here. Especially High Vors. Vors always trouble.” But he sounded amused. Then it hit Nikki. Of course. The Troll Club used to be popular with expat Barrayarans at one time. Good God how old was this guy?

“I am Marcus,” he said and nodded in formal Barrayaran greeting.  

“You must have seen many changes,” Nikki said but the man laughed again.

“Entertainment, drugs, sex. Nothing changes.”

“What did they do?” Pax asked. “My father? Do you remember?”

“I bet it was over a woman,” Nikki said with a grin.

Marcus said it was and seemed to grudgingly admit that it wasn’t all Lord Vorpatril’s fault that he’d caused a riot and how he was very polite, and insisting on paying for all the damages the next day which Marcus didn’t accept. They wanted to know more. Nikki wanted to know what his own father was doing there but then Marcus got called away. 

“You leave soon?” he insisted more than asked, looking at Pax. “It’s safer for you. Don’t be stupid.”

“I’ll leave soon,” Pax said.

Nikki faced Pax. “This happen a lot?”

“All the time. I pick my battles, Nikki. These ones aren’t worth it.”

 

Alex wanted one dance before they left, insisting they all leave together and Pax and Alex pushed him on to the dancefloor.  They waited at the bar where conversation could be had and the music could still be heard at the right pitch to be enjoyed. Pax spent a lot of time politely but firmly refusing more drinks from men and women until Nikki put an arm around Pax and said sharply, “He said no.”

Pax turned away to hide his laughter, nearly spilling his drink; his pride at being helped overtaken with amusement.

“Shush, they’re not going to buy this if you keep laughing.”

“Sorry and thanks.” He moved closer to Nikki but knew it wasn’t going to last. Pax’s friends had tried that before and for many they saw it as an extra challenge.  “You know. It was strange him calling you step-son. I always forget Uncle Miles isn’t your bio father.”

Nikki sipped his drink. “I never forget.” He smiled. “It’s a reminder of how damned lucky I am that Mama married him.  Look at that, it’s like he’s hearing a completely different song.” Alex danced around the floor now closer to them.  Others were also looking at Alex with the similar bemusement. Nikki stared in wonder. “It’s like he’s dancing _against_ the beat.”

“Or to the beat of his own drum,” Pax said with a grin.

“Something he should’ve done long ago.”

“What? Oh. You mean his art degree. I don’t know what stopped him,” Pax said, he’d always done what he wanted. He couldn’t imagine anyone stopping Alex from doing what he wanted as well. “No one would’ve stopped him.”

“Alex stopped himself, Pax as he’s always done.   Looks like the Vervaini duo are having another tiff.”

Sol was arguing with Lix at the other side of the floor, and with a parting shot that caused Lix to be held back by his friends, Sol walked off headed towards them; his eyes on Pax, and Nikki instinctively stood in front him ignoring Pax’s _I can take care of myself_ mutterings.

“You should leave,” Sol said.

“Are you threatening us?” Pax asked, walking out from behind Nikki.

Sol took a step back, holding his palms up. “I’m not threatening you. Lix and his companions are.  They’re going to try and follow you home or – fuck, you truly are stunning.” His eyes scanned Pax’s face and form in naked appreciation and as if he didn’t know where to rest his stare.

“My genes thank you,” Pax muttered and moved back behind Nikki.

“Aren’t you his friend?” Nikki asked Sol, jerking his head in Lix’s direction

Sol tore his eyes away from Pax and looked back at Lix, answering Nikki with a soft, “Ah once. Tonight was a mistake. Well, not a complete mistake.” He smiled as he watched Alex. “Damned cute. Shame he’s still hung up on his ex.” He looked at Pax hopefully.

“He’s not interested,” Nikki said.

“I can speak for myself,” Pax snapped, “and also um yes, not interested.”

Sol told him Alex had his details in case either of them changed his mind and left the club.

“Guess he’s not interested in me,” Nikki said, feigning hurt. Pax’s laugh was cut short and he gripped Nikki’s shoulder. “Alex,” he said. Alex was frozen in the middle of the floor, staring into space. Pax stepped forward just as Alex fled the floor and headed towards the exit. 

They found him seated on a bench not far from the club, the clouds had finally broken and Alex was soaked to the skin. They stood opposite him as the rain pelted them all, welcome in the still lingering heat. Alex had this strange look with a grin and kept shaking his head.  “I’m an idiot, and an idiot, and an idiot, and an idiot.”

Nikki stared at him. “Add another idiot,” he said, “I like odd numbers.”

“I like even numbers,” Pax said, following Nikki’s lead. “Add one more.”

Alex threw back his head and laughed.

“What’s brought this on?” Nikki asked. Now was the time to push. Alex’s eyes were glistening but not with tears.

 “I’m going back to Escobar,” Alex said and Nikki’s heart sank.  “There are things I need to do but I need to go home first.”

“Home? To Barrayar?” Pax asked.

Alex laughed softly. “Yes.”

Nikki breathed out.  A breath he felt like he’d been holding in for days.

Alex matched Nikki’s long breath out. “I need to talk to Mama and Da. I need – we’ll see how that goes.” He looked into the distance, a determined steel gleam in his eyes, reminding Nikki of their father. “But tonight I’m going to send some comms.  I have to make amends. My friends, the Profs…I left things in a mess. It’s about time I dealt with it.”

“What about your ex?” Nikki asked.

Alex shook his head, sprinkling droplets everywhere.  “Him. Oh God. I am an idiot,” he said softly, words tumbling out. “He’s not my art and my art isn’t him. He was – part of it that was all. An important part but not everything.  I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to see it.  He’s sent me a few comms.  I’ve not viewed them but I’m going to. I can do that now.”

“Access them after you send your…amends comms,” Pax said, fearing what those comms from Alex’s ex were going to do Alex. He loved his cousin but he didn’t want to go back to that hovel.

“That’s the plan,” Alex said. “I don’t even know what I’m going to say yet. The university did so much for me.”  He scrubbed a hand over his face as more words tumbled out. “I can’t explain it. I know that’s what everyone wants – an explanation, an answer but I can’t explain why I ran. Why I destroyed everything. I had to get away. Nothing mattered then.  It matters now. I want to carry on with my art degree. I’m not – this is what I want.” He laughed. “This is what I want.”

“That’s enough, go with that,” Nikki said.  “Maybe sober up some before you send anything.”

“You don’t owe anyone your soul, Alex.  People will understand.” Pax searched Alex’s face and startled, observed out loud, “You’re still in love with him even after –”

“It wasn’t all bad.” Alex gave a shrug of his shoulders his face transformed and lit with light.  “I was myself. Felt like the first time ever. He saw me,” he said it with a kind of wonder. “It was perfect for a little while.” The sudden ache in Alex’s voice cut through the words and pounding rain. “But I wasn’t enough for him. He warned me how it would it probably end,” Alex added with a wavering smile.

“How convenient for him. Sounds like a prick,” Nikki said bluntly and Alex let out a small laugh.

“He never pretended he wasn’t. Come on lets go.” He stood up and staggered as Pax steadied him.  “It’s time and also we’re being watched.”

Nikki was surprised he’d noticed in his state but then he shouldn’t have been; situational awareness had been drummed into them all from birth. “It’s probably that Lix. Anyone tries anything they’re going to get a fucking shock when we _and_ ImpSec’s finest descend on them.”

“Only if we don’t deal with it,” Pax said. “But they’ve got an extra watch on me. Between your father and my Da’s paranoia about Mama’s family God knows how many are out there. I think I spotted two agents in the club after that I stopped looking.”

“Maybe four,” Alex said. He looked at Pax. “Jacksonian issues again?”

Pax sighed. “Yeah.  I’ll tell you why at the apartment. Da said I could and I got a message from Allie I need to share. Let’s wait I want to do this here.  I don’t know what they’re waiting for.”

But it was Marcus who approached.  “That Lix fellow is passed out.  His friends won’t be following. Goodnight.” And he walked away.

Nikki frowned. “Well that was odd and disappointing. I was looking forward to pounding on that Lix’s face.”   

Alex angled his head. “Max?” Alex called loudly.   “Come on, Max. I know you ignored my orders and you’re out there.”

Max turned the corner, giving them all a sheepish look. “I wasn’t tired, m’lord.”

Alex burst out into fresh laughter. “Let’s go home.”

 


	13. Barrayar | Rohan’s Question| Ivan’s Made His Decision (Again)

 

**Vorkosigan House**

Tej hadn’t been honest with Ekaterin about everything. If she had she was sure Ekaterin would’ve postponed the small brunch party for Tej’s sake but Tej wanted to see what would happen. Perhaps it was petty but it hadn’t stemmed from anything petty. She and Ivan had had their last argument about Tej’s attempts for Ivan to see a medic ever since Ivan said he’d be far better if Tej didn’t keep _nagging him like Dowager Dragon._ So for three days Tej had stopped _nagging_ him; had stopped speaking to him altogether.  

What with Lizzie and Allie needing to visit some ill, elderly lady friend of Lizzie’s in the Caravanserai, the brunch party was even more intimate than they intended. Taurie was there too but quieter than usual.  Perhaps it was best it was so small. Allie was losing patience with Moira more and more these days and Tej already had a headache from Moira trying to coax Rohan to talk to her and complaining about it to anyone who would listen.  But Moira still refused to apologise for stealing and hiding Rohan’s toy frog and for making Rohan think he’d left it on the shuttle. The discovery of it weeks later hidden amongst Moira prized ‘fluffies’ – soft toys of various animal appearances – was the last straw for Rohan. 

Rohan pushed his plate away a few inches. His signal that he’d finished eating and usually that he also had something to say.  Probably to ask to go the bathroom. He turned to his father. “Are you and Mama getting a divorce?” Ivan’s fork clattered as it fell on the plate. Tej was relieved she’d already rested her cutlery.  Before anyone could respond Rohan continued in the same curious tone, “Do I have to live with Mama because you’ll be working late? Will you live next door like Dil’s Dadas?”

Tej flinched at the flash of devastation on Ivan’s face. Surely he wasn’t taking Rohan’s questions seriously. It was bound to be some stupid gossip he’d overheard.  The divorce rumours were heavily toted on Escobar when Ivan was spending more time away and with the Presidente than with his family. Rohan was never worried about those rumours because his best friend Dil’s parents were divorced and Dil still saw both his fathers almost every day; he couldn’t see much difference.

Moira face lit up.  “Does this mean I get two birthday parties?”

Miles coughed into his napkin but Rohan frowned. “I don’t want two birthday parties.”

“No one is getting two birthday parties,” Tej said. 

Ekaterin cleared her throat. “Perhaps some more dessert?”

“No thank you,” Moira said, “and that’s not fair, Mama. Just because Rohan doesn’t want two.  I think I should be allowed a say in it. Hah! Rohan you spoke to me. That means we’re friends now and you can play with me.”

“ _Some_ people think I spoke to them,” Rohan said looking up at the ceiling, “but _some_ people are wrong as I was speaking to Dada – not to a mean, lying stinky feet troll thief.”

“Rohan,” Tej snapped. Rohan looked down at the table, his cheeks red and then turned to his parents and then to Ekaterin and Miles and apologised in a whisper for his language.

Moira rose from her seat. “You should say sorry to me!”

“Enough,” Ivan said, startling everyone with the edge in his voice. “Rohan, let’s have a chat.”

Moira grinned sensing victory as her father and Rohan left the room.  “Rohan’s going to get it now. He was very mean to me don’t you think so, Taurie? He should’ve said sorry to me.”

“Why?” Taurie asked bluntly.  “Have you said sorry for stealing his frog?”

Moira scowled. “Didn’t steal it. I just borrowed it.”

“Borrowing without asking is stealing,” Taurie said. “This is not a debate, Moira. It’s a fact. But if you think it’s okay I may come round and _borrow_ one of your fluffies when you’re not home.”

Such threats and reasoning never worked before on Moira but Moira looked at Taurie warily and gave her cousin one of her hard stares which Taurie gave in return. Moira looked around for sympathy and getting nothing stabbed her dessert with a fork muttering about the unfairness of her life.  Rohan returned to the table five minutes later all smiles much to Moira’s obvious disappointment and Tej’s increased apprehension. “Where’s your Da?”

“Gone to the bathroom.  He said I’m very observant but you’re not getting a divorce and he’s not living next door and I don’t have to have two parties because you’re not getting divorce so what’s the point? What’s the reason?”  Rohan would often say ‘what’s the point? What’s the reason?’ in a rhetorical way as a conclusion and not everyone was sure what he meant but they knew it was often better not ask him to elaborate.

“Can I still have two birthday parties?” Moira asked Tej.

“No,” Tej said, “you’re stuck with two parents and one birthday party. Get over it.”

Five minutes later Tej rose. “Excuse me.” She pointed at the non-twins in turn, noting the fierce look on Moira’s face and  Rohan looking a little too smug for Tej’s liking as he continued to ignore his sister. “Behave,” Tej said firmly to both of them.  Rohan’s power had gone to his head. It was time to rein them in but it would have to wait until later. Just as Tej was about to hunt out her husband, Ivan returned, “Ah ready to go?” he asked it in a pointed way but Tej had already got the message when she saw his tussled hair and the flat look in his eyes.

“Yes, let’s go.”

No one spoke on the way home. Ivan kept his eyes closed with his head tilted back against the seat; Moira was sulking with loud sighs, Rohan was engrossed in a book and Tej bit her tongue – until they arrived home.

**Vorpatril Residence**

The children parted to their respective rooms and Tej spoke to Anjelica about dinner. They were definitely not going out tonight.   After checking in on the children, Tej sought out Ivan in the bedroom. He was sitting up on the edge of the bed, elbows on knees, head in hands massaging his temples. He’s been tugging at his hair again. Tej leaned against the dresser opposite.

“I cancelled the dinner with your parents,” Tej stated.

“You speaking to me now?” he asked tiredly without looking up, his voice sounding faraway.

“Depends.  What did our Rohan observe this time?” she asked.  

Rohan had kept a journal as soon as he could communicate; he observed everything and after patient research he would often give quite devastating insightful assessments. It was probably what made him a good writer at such a young age.  Rohan’s writing was something else she and Ivan had a dire need to discuss.  Ivan raised his head and at his look she knew she’d guessed right. He studied Tej’s face in a way that brought home to Tej how long it had been since they had had moments like this.

“He gave me his facts,” Ivan said.  “Me and you not sharing a bedroom just like Dil’s parents.  I told him my sleep patterns keep you awake.”

But they both knew the truth.  Ivan wasn’t sleeping at all but that wasn’t the only reason they were sleeping apart but whatever Rohan had said had had far more impact than anything she had. “Go on,” she urged. 

“He said we weren’t ‘kissy huggy’ anymore. That me and you didn’t have our one day out each week when Allie would take the non-twins out for dessert.  Oh and he told me not to worry about all the bedtimes I wasn’t there, as he looked through his diaries.  He’s sure he can compile full statistics and that when he’s speaking to Moira he’ll tell her when I’ve finally made up for it.” 

Tej winced. She had meant to warn Ivan about Rohan doing that but she hadn’t thought he’d actually come up with a figure. 

“He’s right. I’ve failed those kids. Nothing I’ve done has brought us back to how it was.” 

“You’ve not failed,” she said appalled at him using that word and at the certainty in his tone. “Ivan, come on,” she seated herself next to him. “But you know it’s going to take time for the children to get used to you being around like you used to be but you didn’t fail – you tried. I know how much you tried and how much you’re doing for them now.” _But not for yourself._

And none of it, thought Ivan, had been enough. “It started with Pax,” Ivan said. 

“ _That_ wasn’t your fault. You can’t keep blaming yourself for that, Ivan.”

But Ivan didn’t see it that way. He should have known about the climate on Escobar; he hadn’t foreseen that the friction that lay between the Presidente and the outgoing Ambassador could affect his children so soon. But they unfortunately discovered quite quickly how much the political families had tentacles in all that was prestigious on Escobar, especially in the arts. At 17 Pax had the maturity and ability of a professional dancer twice his age and a magnetic presence that had little to do with his beauty. When the elite Escobaran Star Ballet Company readily accepted him no one was surprised; when he was then swiftly rejected it was obvious that it wasn’t to do with any _Escobarran only_ rules of the company but a political swipe at Barrayar through the Ambassador’s family. It was normal petty Escobaran politics. This was before the Presidente had taken a shine to Ivan but it was too late for Pax. Pax wanted to dance with the best and although he was invited back to Escobar, by then he’d quickly risen through the ranks at the Royal in London and was being courted by other companies.  He knew it was right to stay on Earth professionally, the family supported him on that but personally he was terribly homesick – homesick for Pax being for wherever his family were; Ivan hadn’t seen him in person for nearly a year. It just wasn’t good enough.  They’d all become fragmented.

“I’m losing us in this.” He faced her then, eyes more focussed.

“You’ve not lost the kids and you’ve not lost me,” Tej said. “Is that what you were thinking? I’m not going to try for a divorce again just yet although I’m sure I could get one now.  That was a joke, Ivan.” She sighed at the look on his face.  “But you have lost something – your sense of humour.  You know this holiday wasn’t going to be an instant fix. It was the start. We told the kids things would be back to normal to give them something to look forward too.” And she’d been looking forward to it too but all they’d done in any time alone was argued.

“I’ve spent a lot of time with them,” he said defensively but he knew even as he said it that Tej was right.

Tej nodded. “Which is great but you have to give them time to get used to the fact that things have changed.” She took a breath. “Thing is, Ivan they’re not fooled. Everything else about you has stayed the same.” Ivan stiffened. “You’ve been trying so hard to micromanage everything you’ve lost yourself.  You don’t realise how tightly wound you’ve become – “ She clenched her fist, “Like this…so rigid.”

“ _Rigid_?”

“I don’t expect you to be untouched by these years on Escobar but I miss your humour, Ivan. I miss my Ivan.”

“I’ve been trying to get things back, Tej. Don’t you believe me?”

“I do but,” Tej shook her head. “You’re misunderstanding me. We don’t have to go backwards for things to get better.  Things are different. We move forward but you have to want to. You have to make a start on yourself.” _Which is what she’d been trying to tell him for weeks._

 “Good God.” He shook his head.  “Micromanaging? Rigid?”

“Don’t forget humourless,” she added. But he wasn’t denying it now. His defensiveness was eroding. “You did what you had to do on Escobar; it just spilled over into everything else. Like how you dealt with my parents.” Tej gripped his hand. “Just listen. My parents were wrong but they’re not monsters, Ivan. They haven’t seen the kids for two years.   I’ve told Dada how much he’s disappointed and hurt me by their methods and it’s made a greater impact than what you did whatever you believe.  Your way of handling them with steel and humour was always more affective but your latest methods have just become more like the Baronne.  You don’t even talk to me about it like you used too. You stopped talking to me about a lot of things. Like why you’ve not sent your reassignment request.”

There was a long silence before Ivan responded. “I had a plan.  We were all going to be back to normal before I sent that request.  That was my plan.”

She raised an eyebrow. “When were you going to tell me about this plan?”

“You didn’t need to know,” he said and she continued to stare and he blew out a breath. “Alright fine. I’m an idiot is that what you want to hear?”

“Yeah but we’ll let it go this once,” she said and earned a less restrained laugh from her love. “And pre-Escobar our normal wasn’t so normal, Ivan. Remember that?  The difference was you didn’t act like you’re alone in keeping this family together – we looked after each other.”

Ivan stood and ran a hand through his hair in irritated fashion. “What about you? Why didn’t you tell me how you felt about me micromanaging and me being like this?” And he clenched his fist.  “How long have you felt like that? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Tej  stood, reached up and began to neaten his hair with her fingers.  “Because I’m not perfect and stopped talking to you too,” she said softly, trying to combat the churn of emotions.  “We got stupid, Ivan.” Ivan was silent, his head heavy against hers and slowly he relaxed.  “But you’re more stupid than me,” she added and Ivan laughed in a way she hadn’t heard in a long while.

“I am stupid,” he murmured. He looked her in the eye. “How much have I taken you for granted in all this?”

“As much as you needed too,” Tej said. “And not as much as you think.” And feeling the need to inject some levity she added. “Sexually you’ve still been here even though…” She looked down. “I do miss it.”

“Since when do you not look?”

“Not the same when it’s not saluting me or inside me.” Ivan was unable to hide how humiliated he felt that his lack of libido had not resolved itself so she added, “Not that I have any complaints of how you’ve kept my body entertained in my sexual peak.” And that was the truth but those times together had been occurring less and less.

“You’re at _another_ sexual peak?” Ivan asked with a strained smile.

“I have many.”

“You know my…inactivity – this – has nothing to do with you.”

No more hiding. Tej angled her head and asked, “How can you know that for sure, Ivan?”

Ivan searched her face. “You don’t really think that? I’ll have to prove it.”

And this is what did it.  Ivan made a call on his wristcom to Mat, his medic, letting Tej hear the call and she tried not to laugh at Ivan’s face when Mat said he had space to see Ivan tomorrow for a full medical.

“If I’m going that early, I think it’s about time me and Allie have our traditional breakfast Caravanserai trip.”

“Oh, Ivan. She’ll love it.”

 

Ivan ran a hand through his hair, undoing Tej’s work but his expression swelled Tej’s heart. “It’s about time,” Ivan said, “you’re right. It’s going to take time and I’ve wasted too much.  I’m sending that request to the emperor and that report to the Ministries. No point writing that damned thing if I’m not going to do anything with it. Got to make a start now.”  Ivan wasn’t going to be one of those fathers who looked back and wondered when he’d run out of time with his family. He’d met those men. No. Escobar had taken too much time from them already.

Tej left him to it, trying not to show how relieved she was. It was as she suspected  - once Ivan had decided to do move forward things would start falling into place quickly. It was just the way he was.  When she returned much later she found him fast asleep on the bed and she nearly wept in relief.


	14. Barrayar | The Vorpatrils and the Fluffies

 

**Vorpatril Household**

Allie returned home from a mostly pleasant albeit quite bleak morning with Madam Dimitrou having been unable to give her any good news.  Lizzie had gone to work and even though Allie said they needed reinforcements Lizzie, stubborn as ever, still said she’d think about it. 

It was oddly quiet as Allie walked towards her bedroom. Rohan’s bedroom door was closed but Moira’s was partly open.  She looked in carefully and could hear sobbing; she was about to walk away when Moira caught her eye but Moira unusually didn’t say anything; didn’t wail about anything just stayed on the floor amongst her fluffies, clutching her favourite Madam Mia hare.  Allie frowned, cursed herself as she moved back and went into the room. 

“What’s wrong this time?” Allie asked.

Moira hiccupped and wiped her eyes. “Did you get it too? Rohan sent it to everyone. I said I was sorry and he sent it anyway. Said I didn’t mean it but I meant it. I said I was sorry.”

Allie sat down on the floor. Moira looked genuinely distressed and Allie reminded herself that she was only a child for all her precocious ways.  “I never received anything from Rohan and you know I see all your comms.” Allie had been nominated gatekeeper after Moira and Rohan had caused a planetwide lockdown with their ‘just playing’ far too realistic kidnapping distress call that Rohan had scripted and Moira had sold convincingly, but Allie didn’t remind Moira about that – not today anyway. “What are you talking about?”

Through hiccups and sobs Moira told her that Rohan said he’d written a story about an ugly, mean, stupid troll thief, called Moira and sent it to everyone and told them it was about her. 

“He even sent it to Nikki and told - told him I’m a thief but I just wanted to play with the frog and Rohan never gave it- it a name either and _I_ did and now no one will speak to me and I can’t run away because I’ve got not got enough money and Dada said I’m not allowed to go on my own anywhere and Dada’s in bed and Mama said he’s not dying but it’s not night time and in one of Rohan’s stories – “

“Woah, woah. Stop.” Da was in bed?? Allie quickly checked her wristcom. Nothing from Mama. _Don’t overreact, Allie!_ “One thing at a time.” She turned as Tej appeared in the doorway. “Mama, what’s going on?”

Rohan at his mother’s side looked at Moira with an equally distressed look and tear stained cheeks.  It looked like they’d overheard the entire exchange.  Rohan stepped into the room. “I didn’t send that story. Mama said you’re really sorry.”

“You didn’t send it?” Moira was joy personified. “You mean it?”

“I erased it for keeps. You can play with my frog but only when you ask me. And you’re not allowed to run away. Are you really sorry?”

Moira nodded her head vigorously. “You didn’t send it to Nikki?”

“No. It’s gone now. I didn’t like the story anyway. Can I tell Dada I didn’t send it and Moira’s not running away?” Rohan asked Tej.

“Not right now. Your father is asleep.”

“But it’s not dark,” Moira said. “Dada never sleeps when it’s not dark. Are you sure Dada isn’t dying?”

Tej just about smothered her laughter and sat them both down.  Allie waited too – she wasn’t worried but something was different; Mama looked different. “No. Your father is not dying. For a long time your Dada’s not been able to sleep properly. But today he’s catching up with it. So he may have a lot of naps in the next few days.  You probably won’t remember but when you were younger there were many, many times your father used to sleep during the day,” Tej said a touch drily.

Moira stood, her watery eyes wide. “Mama! Why didn’t you tell me this before! I can help Dada sleep.” She threw her arms up. “No one tells me anything!”

“I can help too,” Rohan said, giving his mother an accusing look.  

**

Allie waited in her room for things to settle down. Anjelica was busy in the kitchen preparing the evening meal and giving Mama an update. It had been a relief that Anjelica still agreed to travel with them. She was more than a housekeeper and cook – she was able to gauge the mood of the household and know when to step back. She took all the craziness of the Vorpatril household in her stride.

Tej walked into Allie’s room after a knock on the door and Allie, meaning to be calm, ended up blurting out, “Is Da alright?”

Tej placed the tray down, on the nightstand, with its cups of tea and many biscuits and slices of cake.

“He’s fine, and hoping to take you out in the morning before an appointment he has. That alright? It’ll be early?”

Allie had been waiting for the right moment to ask her Da about their day together but as much as she was looking forward to it she suggested, “Perhaps you and Da should spend the day together.”

Tej picked up a plate and piled on her favourite lemon and cinnamon biscuits. “Don’t worry about me and your father – ah so you have you been worrying. We’re going to be okay. Look I want to talk to you about some things but I can tell you have a question so ask that first and then we’ll get to mine.”

“Alright. Is Pax with Nikki?”

Tej dropped the lemon biscuit on to the plate and Allie smiled. “I knew it! I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Tej said simply. “How did you figure that out?”

“And I bet Nikki is with Alex, right? They’re together?”

Tej was impressed. “Yes.”

Allie looked disappointed. “You’re not going to try and lie?”

“Your father and I agreed if it came out we wouldn’t lie and the Vorkosigans agreed. We’re only keeping it quiet as we don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.  The Vorkosigans are very close too.”

“I know Mama. Want to know how I figured it out?” Allie asked eagerly. 

Tej laughed.  “Go on.”

Moira’s fear of Nikki seeing Rohan’s story had made something click for Allie. One of Nikki’s messages back to Rohan about wormhole demons had contained all the elements that would soothe Rohan’s fears. As well as Nikki’s testimony of never seeing anything like a demon, he’d sent some facts about Wormhole hallucinations and some fairy tale like stories people had written about creatures guarding the wormholes to make sure everyone had safe passage.

“Fact and fiction, just what Rohan needed to calm his fears. But it was pure Pax. He gets Rohan.”

It had worked so far at calming Rohan down but the test would be if it carried on.  “What does that have to do with Alex?” Tej asked.  Ivan owed her a dollar; she’d said Allie would figure it out soon.

“Nikki recently said he was going to be out of comms range for a while but that reply arrived in days. It means he cancelled his job and Pax would need a damn good reason not to be here. He’s been looking forward to being here with us and he’s been vague about why he isn’t here. I know it isn’t a girl because he can never keep it to himself if he thinks he’s found _the one._ Again.”

Tej thought about her poor boy and his romantic misadventures.  “I don’t think he’ll be giving his heart so easily after what happened with that woman.” Tej tried to moderate her tirade on that deceitful bitch who had broken her son’s heart because such tirades poisoned her day and she was having the best day she’d had in ages. But oh she missed her Pax. It had been too long since they had seen him in person.

“I think it will do him good, Mama. I don’t want anyone to get hurt but it’s made Pax more careful.  He’s stopped terrifying women with his long term plans for a start.  No woman wants to know how many children anyone wants on the first date or the pool of potential names he’s already picked out.”

It wasn’t practical for Pax to have a family so young especially now his professional career had taken off so rapidly on Earth. Pax would realise that himself, at least Tej hoped he would.  Perhaps his rejection from the Escobaran Star Ballet company had been a blessing in disguise; there were certainly more opportunities for him on Earth but it was so far away.  Tej felt Allie’s curious eyes on her and smiled.  “You know our Pax, always been a serious soul, eager to settle down.” She sipped her tea.

“Like most Barrayaran men,” Allie said rolling her eyes.

Ivan had never been like that Tej had discovered after their marriage but it was true about many Barrayarans were. “It’s good that _you_ know that,” Tej said.

Allie groaned. “Daniel isn’t like that if that’s what you’re getting at. He’s happy for us to have our summers and – he knows I see other men when I’m away.”

Tej wasn’t fooled; there was something that her daughter was either hiding from her mother or hiding from herself.   “So if next summer Daniel is with someone who isn’t you and your summer thing is over that would be acceptable to you?”

“Of course!” Allie replied her voice pitching high. “It’s what we agreed.” She gulped down some tea. “And I don’t want to talk anymore about Daniel. I just bet Da’s got a uterine replicator on standby for me; tell him not to worry will you. I tell him but I can tell he’s worried.”

Ivan was baffled by the status of Allie’s relationship with Daniel and he agreed to let Tej instruct him on what he could and couldn’t say about it to Allie and Daniel for fear of alienating his daughter. Allie reached over and squeezed Allie’s shoulder. “Don’t be angry at him for this. Your father worries about your happiness. He doesn’t want you to get hurt. Look on the bright side – it’s not so much the pregnancy but that you know you can come to us and yes,” she smiled, “transfer any baby to a uterine replicator as soon as you can.”

Allie waved a hand. “I know. I know it’s because of that Irene,” she said sadly. “God that stupid girl. I would never be that foolish, Mama!”

They both went silent. It had been an appalling incident when Irene Chevalier went into labour at a ball in the Barrayaran Embassy on Escobar; the girl was more terrified of her General father’s reaction than anything else.  She had hidden the pregnancy and gone into denial about it.  But it wasn’t only because of Irene that Ivan had this terror. Every time they visited Barrayar, Lady Alys would give detailed vivid descriptions of his birth; it would somehow _always_ come up in conversation and had started after Lady Alys began to write her memoir. Ivan said those still against the proliferation of uterine replicaters on Barrayar should be forced to listen to his mother.

“By the way,” Tej said breaking the silence, “don’t tell the Vorkosigan children about Alex unless they figure it out.”

“That’s not fair””

Tej shrugged. “Not my rules, love. You have to respect how the Vorkosigans are dealing with it.”

“Or _not_ dealing with it?”

“It’s not that black and white. Now I want to tell you some things that happened today.”

**

Ivan rubbed his eyes, blinked and rubbed them again thinking he was still dreaming. He was surrounded by his daughter’s fluffies and Rohan’s nightlight sending patterns of shooting stars around the ceiling.  He sat up slowly, disturbing the fluffies with some of them falling off the end of the bed. He stayed there; staring at them letting the panic subside as he saw the note from Tej on the bedside. “I’ve taken your wristcom. Everyone is safe and well and where they should be. T x” The time on the nightlight stunned him.  It was just after midnight. He’d slept for over ten hours after sending off those messages to the emperor and ministries.

After a shower he sat on the edge of the bed mulling things over when Tej came in, not looking in the least tired. “Good sleep?” she asked.

“Despite the fluffies. You know those things give me the creeps.  How did they end up in here?”

Tej sat next to him and told him about the conversation with the non-twins. Ivan was quite touched and also relieved the children were now on speaking terms. Rohan apparently had been more upset that he nearly caused Moira to run away. 

“Moira has moments of unselfishness that are quite stunning although you didn’t get Madam Mia.” No one was allowed to hold Madam Mia but Moira.  “I know you hate these fluffies but I couldn’t tell her.”  Ivan understood and would tell Moira that they’d already worked their magic and was sure his daughter would be relieved he wouldn’t require the company of her menagerie again.  “Rohan is using his back up night light.”

“He needed it?” Ivan asked. “Nightmares or busy head?”

 “Busy head.” That’s what they called it when Rohan couldn’t rest his thoughts. It had been a long time since they had found it adorable when Rohan first declared _I have a busy head._ But what it meant they had to help him through the mental exercises that helped him to put aside his ideas until the next day; to try and get him to sleep. It was another thing his family had had to deal with without Ivan. Rohan still preferred Tej or Allie to comfort him rather than his father and Ivan couldn’t blind himself to the fact that Rohan had become troubled with Ivan’s absences; without Tej and Allie, Ivan didn’t want to contemplate how much worse it could have been.  But things were going to be different. Tej was right, he just had to be patient. They spoke about the nanny situation, not that they could do anything until Ivan’s next position was confirmed but they had a partial plan.

“Allie looked in on you a few times. I had to tell her about Rohan’s divorce question before she heard it second hand and I could tell it had crossed her mind too.”

“She never said anything to me,” Ivan said.

“Me neither and she told me Pax is concerned about all the extra security you keep layering on him. He’s doing well, Ivan.  He’s shown he can handle things on his own.”

“That was never an issue,” Ivan said, proud of his son’s maturity.  “But we’ll speak to him about all this when he comes home.  Things are going to be different,” Ivan said, more to himself and then caught Tej’s expression.

“What? Don’t look at me like that,” Tej said.

“Like what?” Ivan asked, taking in Tej’s bright grin; he’d not seen that in so long.

She laughed. “Like I’m insane. I’m just…pleased things are happening.”

Ivan nodded. He felt that too. “So why don’t you want me to see my wristcom. Who do I have messages from?”

Tej took it out of her pocket and handed it to him. “I wanted to give you time.  I called ImpRes and told Gregor that you weren’t available and then I put the kids on and made him to talk to Moira who said if he sent his Armsmen over to take you away she’ll set her fluffies on them. She also told him that she’s going to be a general or a judge so they better watch out because she never forgets names.” Tej smiled. “Our little angel.”

Ivan laughed. He read the short message. “Appointment at the residence but I’ll still have my time with Allie. I’ll have to reschedule that medical which I will,” he added before she could say anything.

“I know you will. Don’t be so defensive. Any clue as to the emperor’s mood on this?”

Ivan lay back on the bed. He could already feel sleep taking him again. “No but I know what to expect. I know what I – we want for the family and for us but I may be retired earlier.” Ivan turned to face her as Tej lay beside him, her long curls framing her face against the pillow.  “How would you feel about that? Living on Barrayar earlier than we planned, if the other plan falls though.”

“I told you I’m happy with that plan.  I’ve not changed my mind and we could travel to see Allie and Pax wherever they are.” She hoisted herself up on one elbow and Ivan reached up and entangled her hair in his fingers. She smiled. “I like it here so do the kids.  I’m not your Aunt Cordelia, Ivan.”

“I’m that transparent?” he asked, unable to stifle a yawn.    

“It makes sense she doesn’t want to settle here but I don’t have anything like her past. Barrayar has always been good to me.”  

“You forget we nearly died here?” Ivan asked.

“Yeah but that was a blast, wasn’t it?  And I’m Jacksonian and I have you. Now that’s cleared up I’m going to sleep.”

“Here?”

Tej rested her head against his chest. “Right here.”

 


	15. Barrayar | Ancient Rites and Kitchen Cake| A Solution!

 

**Vorkosigan House**

“You want to go to my Da?” Lizzie asked.

Allie sat on the large kitchen trestle table and swallowed her citrus and chocolate ice cream before answering. She pointed her spoon in Lizzie’s direction. “Look, we’ve hit a dead end. We’ve gone through everything.  We need help. Why can’t we go to Uncle Miles? He’s great at thinking outside the box.”

“That’s nice,” Lizzie said, ignoring her question, and stroking Allie’s bronze and amber bracelet.

Allie grinned and held it to her cheek. “Matches my colouring. Da bought it me from the Caravanserai market.  Woke me at the crack of dawn to take me out and point out where he was born.”  

“So that’s why you couldn’t meet me this morning. Doesn’t Uncle Ivan always take you to his birthplace?”

“It’s our tradition; we buy unhealthy pastries while we walk around. Da gets a kick out of it.” And it was good to see her father enjoying his food. She’d missed that.   Although the main reason she couldn’t meet Lizzie earlier was that her father had left her unsteady and tearful with one of the most honest chats they’d had in a long while. This was after he thanked her for sacrificing her time to support them when she should’ve been enjoying her year out before college. For Allie it hadn’t been easy but with the nannies leaving one after the other Allie had to stay. And it allowed her to assist her mother with her ambassador wifely duties giving her a view of the sharp end of Escobaran Barrayaran relations. It was an education college would never give her.

“Did you tell Uncle Ivan about all this?” Lizzie asked.     

“No, I didn’t tell him anything. This is your call which is why I was thinking of your da. We have to do something.”

Lizzie closed the kitchen door before speaking. “Telling Da about Uncle Mark will just cause problems like last time. That’s why I don’t want to say anything.”

Ah now they were getting somewhere.  “What problems?” Allie asked.

Lizzie grabbed a spoon from the drawer, jumped up and sat next to her.  Allie picked up the carton and scooped out ice cream into another plate; she handed it over to Lizzie waiting patiently for her to speak and decided she may as well finish off the rest of the ice cream.

“You weren’t here when Uncle Mark wanted to build the theme park,” Lizzie said.

“The Dendarii Dragon Park? Everyone loves that place, don’t they?”

Lizzie looked at the closed door before edging closer to Allie and dropping her voice. “Uncle’s proposal got leaked before Da knew about it so everyone found out, and my parents had to do a full consultation as they’d promised to do with anything like this in the district.”

“Ah. So it was like he’d forced their hand?”

“Uncle Mark said that wasn’t his intention but anyway Grandma said she wasn’t going to interfere but she took Uncle Mark’s side over Da’s too and well a lot of stuff was said. We even overheard it and usually they’re good at keeping that stuff to themselves.”

Allie knew the built park was a lot smaller than the proposed one and of course she’d heard there had been friction between her uncles but no one had told her it had been that bad. Lizzie hadn’t confided in Allie at the time and when it came to things within the family the Vorkosigans could close ranks like no one’s business. She’d felt it with Alex. The way everyone danced around him it was like a banner proclaiming DON’T SPEAK HIS NAME.  This was Lizzie all over though. For some things she waited until it was all over before she spoke about it. Allie couldn’t understand it but pushing Lizzie to talk about anything closed her off more so Allie tried not to do it. Alex was Lizzie’s confidante in the family so Allie continued not to push.

“The Dowager isn’t one to hold back her opinion,” Allie said, “or so I’ve heard. I’ve not personally had much to do with her.”

“Well these days I only know what she’s like from her travel vids.  It’s been a couple of years since we’ve seen her in person but she keeps in touch.”

Allie had overheard her father say that he wouldn’t be surprised if his Aunt Cordelia never set foot on Barrayar again. She was enjoying seeing the galaxy with her children.  “Yeah Da said she’s busy with her new family,” Allie said diplomatically.

Lizzie waved her spoon and laughed. “Don’t let my Da hear you say that; he doesn’t like them being referred to as the ‘new’ family I think for our benefit but we know things have changed and we’re fine with it.  We know she cares about us,” Lizzie said hurriedly. “Grandma says she’s doing all the things she never got to do and that just means we don’t get to see her or my new uncles and aunts as much now but believe me,” she pulled a face. “I’m fine with not seeing those precocious brats.”

Allie snorted a laugh. “Aren’t they in their teens now? They’re hardly brats.  Alright, so I take it you don’t want to ask the dowager’s advice.”

“Are you kidding me? Ask her and not tell Da? No way.  God knows how long it would take for her to get the message anyway. No, we have to do this ourselves.”

“But what about your Mama?”

“It’s the same thing. I’d have to tell her to keep it from Da and then she’ll tell me I should trust him and it’ll come out. I don’t want to create any friction between anyone. The same with telling your parents. Let’s see what we can do without them and if we can’t think of anything we’ll ask them. But come on, between us we should be able to think of something. And why are you always eating?”

 Allie licked the spoon and placed the empty plate down on the table with a clatter. “Because I’m always hungry, grumpy pants.”

They both turned to the door as it opened.  Taurie walked in, pausing before walking in with a more determined stride. 

“What are you doing here?” Lizzie asked sharply.

“You don’t own the kitchen,” Taurie said. “You want privacy go to your room.”

“Not on your course today?” Allie asked.

Taurie turned her back to them as she looked through a cupboard. “Oh that.” She cleared her throat. “I’m not going anymore. Gave my place up to someone else. It wasn’t for me.”

“Since when?” Lizzie asked incredulous. “And isn’t it too late to give your place to someone else?”

“No,” Taurie said shortly. “Don’t worry I’ll be gone in a minute.”

“No one’s asking you to go,” Lizzie said. “For God’s sake. We were just asking about your course. You’re always so damn defensive.”

Taurie opened her mouth and the stopped. “You’re right,” she said in more measured tones. Lizzie stared at her stunned. “But I’ve given you my answer now. The course wasn’t for me and I gave up my place. I don’t want to talk about it because I should’ve done it sooner.”

“Why didn’t you?” Allie asked.

Taurie ran a hand through her curls which for once were loose around her face.  “I didn’t want to make waves but I should’ve said something. Just because we’re annoyed and worried about Alex it doesn’t mean we should be putting things on hold.”

That sounded like she’d talked about this with someone and it was obvious to Allie that there was a lot more to Taurie’s decision but now wasn’t the time.  Allie was just thrilled that someone else had mentioned the elephant in the room that was Alex. “I quite agree,” Allie said lightly.  “I’m sure whatever Alex is going through isn’t pleasant but the sooner he gets his act together the better. Don’t you agree, Lizzie?”

Taurie looked at Lizzie and shook her head. “Lizzie’s never going to admit out loud that she’s angry with him.  Never mind. No one says you have to. Now I need some food.” She opened the fridge and Allie pointed at Taurie to Lizzie and Lizzie just shrugged, still frowning at her sister.

“Are you busy, Taurie?” Allie asked. “Because we could do with a fresh brain on something. Truth is we need help.”

Taurie turned, not hiding her suspicion. “ _My_ help for what?” she asked. “I’m not doing anything illegal.”

Allie laughed at Taurie’s sudden serious demeanour. “It’s not, well not _yet_. Oh don’t look so worried. I’m just kidding. We’re trying to do a good thing. A lot of people may lose their homes if we don’t. Well, be relocated but it’s the same thing.”

Taurie gave Lizzie a questioning look and Lizzie nodded. “Allie’s right but it’s complicated as it’s part of a larger development most of which is great – new clinic, school and housing but it’s the flower housing we want to stop.”

“Flower housing?”

“It’s what they’re calling it as those streets are all named after flowers.” And she explained about Madam Dimitrou. She moved to Taurie’s side and peered in the fridge. “I wish Ma Kosti didn’t have today off but she’s left enough for a brainstorming session. Let’s take some food to my room and I’ll get you up to speed. So um…was Mama alright about you giving up the course?”

Taurie nodded. “Yes, Da too.”

“Great,” Lizzie said.  “Anyone want summer soup?”

“Ooh yeah. I’ll get the bread,” Allie said.  “And get some of that orange cake I saw and those pastries.”

 _And the fridge_ Lizzie mouthed to Taurie rolling her eyes and Taurie smiled. They loaded the food on to the table and as Lizzie went to fetch a tray Taurie said with a small laugh, “You know if you’re trying to stop a development you could invoke the _Clameur de Haro._ ”

“What’s that?” Allie asked.

“Clameur –“ Lizzie froze and mouthed something, dropping the tray with a clatter. “ ‘Haro. Haro. Haro. A l’aide, Votre Majesté, on me fait tort.’  Oh my God! I remember that,” Lizzie said. “Why do I remember that?”

“I’m glad there was no food on that tray,” Allie said, picking up mixed berry pastry from the table and munching on it. She activated her wristcom and began to search for more information.

Lizzie said, “It means –“

“Hey language queen here,” Allie said, “I get the gist - _come to my aid for someone does me wrong_. That sounds old.”

“It is. Alex told us about that law,” Taurie said, sounding surprised she remembered it.  “It’s an ancient rite that was used to stop construction.   Alex researched it when he was writing a paper for his degree. The _other_ degree. Sneaky sod. He got us to do some research for him as if he was doing _us_ a favour so we demanded payment when it was done.”

Lizzie laughed. “I forgot about that.  He bought us cake after.”

“ _Expensive_ take out cake from The Pelican,” Taurie said.

“They don’t do take out,” Allie said. “They’re extremely snobby about it!”

“Alex got them to do it,” Lizzie said. “I don’t know how.”

Allie made a mental note about that. She had no issue with Alex’s lack of comms; she figured he needed the space badly if he’d cut everyone off but if he returned home when she was still here she was quite willing to make him feel a little guilty if she was going to get take out cake from The Pelican.

“And anyway that clameur is ancient feudal law,” Taurie said. “It’s probably been revoked.”

Allie scanned through files on your wristcom. “There’s too much here. You said Alex already did a paper on it? I doubt things have changed in a few years.  We need his paper.  I’ll have to ask him.”

Taurie broke the silence. “He’s not answering comms.”

Allie gave them both a hard look. “Maybe he’ll answer them now,” she said trying to inflect her voice with as much suggestion as possible and wiggling her eyebrows.

Lizzie stepped forward. “You _know_ something.”

Allie threw up her hands. “You got it out of me. Pax and Nikki are with Alex and he might be coming home very soon.  I’ll tell you how I found out in a minute but first we have to send this message then we talk.” She froze and then let out a loud, “Hah! I have an idea and it’s giving me goosebumps.  Oooh I have a _great_ idea. Involving the emperor.”

Lizzie shook her head.  “They’ve already tried all those official avenues. Do you know how many of these appeals ImpRes receives?”

 “Official isn’t going to cut it. We don’t have the time and we can’t take the risk. We need something different and now we have the clameur. See where I’m going with this?”

Lizzie’s eyes almost darted from her head. “No! No! No! We can’t.”

“Yes, yes, yes! It’s just what we need.”

While the cousins argued Taurie waited and finally let out a loud whistle to get their attention. “You’re both forgetting something.”

“What?” They asked in unison.

“ _You_ can’t use the clameur. You’re not the ones losing your homes. But you do owe it to the people who are to tell them about this. This is their decision but we should suggest some kind of plan to go with it.”

“We?” Lizzie asked.

Taurie nodded. “Yeah, we. God! Have you left any food, Allie?”

 

**

_“Here’s a copy of my paper. I hope it gets to you soon. I’m coming home.  I know I owe you all many apologies and a lot of cake. I love you all. Stay out of my room.  Alex x”_

 


	16. Barrayar| SPACE| Simon’s Blue| The Boys and Venus

 

**Safe House**

Miles waited and watched from the corner.  Agent Blue wanted to see her ex-boss, as she called him, alone but this was as alone as she could be for all their sakes.  Blue had never asked Miles for a favour before and he agreed because Blue offered nothing in return.   So in a different safe house Blue sat beside Simon Illyan and told him what she’d told Miles – that she was leaving Barrayar for a long time, maybe for good.  She was finally retiring from the field (again) and would be based off Barrayar on her other home planet. 

Even after his cardiovascular issues there was something peculiarly ageless about Simon’s thin face but Blue would never tempt fate by accosting Simon in his own home by surprise; it wasn’t something she felt easy about doing anymore and she didn’t want to be alone with him if something did happen.  Blue never took risks.  They spoke in low voices and Miles couldn’t hear everything but it had a feeling of permanent farewell.  When they stood to leave, Simon asked about Blue’s son and Miles noted her hesitation before she spoke.   “He’s well and so sane I wonder if he’s really mine.”  Simon said something which made her laugh and gasp. “Don’t make me weepy, boss. I’m too old for tears.” But she stroked his thinning silver hair. “We’re both so old now.”

Simon snorted. “You’re not even 50 yet, child.  Let me see you,” Simon said touching her wig. “Last time.”

She nodded. Blue checked the area was secure (again) and took off the wig and the lenses. Simon looked at her short cap of dark chestnut hair and she laughed. “Still expecting to see my unruly long hair? I’ve not been that woman for ages.  It’s alright. I lost my hair in battle. Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell someone and they can write a ballad about it.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “A kiss from one of your first Daughters. I’m sure your Lady will permit it.”  And she hugged him for a long while before he left. “No regrets,” she whispered. “You were meant to find me, remember?”

Miles accompanied Simon home and waited as Simon asked Miles to give him a few minutes.  He was silent in the back and broke the silence with, “She still believes in fate. I could never understand that. Goodnight, Miles.”

When Miles returned to the safe house she was back to being Agent Blue. She sat on the clinical grey sofa cross-legged and smiled. “I just wanted to talk to you about Taurie before I left.  She could be a possible recruit when she knows herself better.  That surprise you?”

Miles couldn’t define the equal parts dread and pride warring inside him.  “You’re warning me?”

“You have clearance for this but you won’t be informed if we do approach her. It’ll be her decision and she’ll be permitted to talk to you about it. If it happens I don’t want to blindside you.”

Miles wondered if they’d approached Helen. No, surely he’d know.  “What age are you recruiting at these days?”

“It depends. I was about Taurie’s age when Illyan recruited me but yes, I wasn’t _young_ like her; I was young in different ways. People said I was wired wrong.”

“Except for Illyan.”

“Except for Illyan.” She smiled.  “I was one of the first in his project but you know that.” She rubbed her eyes. “No more trips down this mine laden memory lane today.”  She jumped off the sofa smoothly. “And I know what you’re thinking but your eldest daughter isn’t someone we’d recruit. She’s not the right fit for our team.   A talented woman but not for this work.”

Miles pointed his stick at her. “How can you be sure? Because she’s service trained?” Blue, like Simon, continued to recruit from the less official channels. Miles thought it was a prejudice of the original Daughters – as they were still nicknamed – but Blue insisted there was enough going through that traditional pipeline already.

“No, Miles this is over twenty years of experience speaking,” she said drily. She fixed him with a long stare. “Do you disagree?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said now tapping his stick. “Not my call. Is it still only women?”

“Yes.”

“Not tempted to recruit your son?”

Her acidic look nearly caused him to stagger.  “My son and this life are completely and utterly separate and still none of your business. I keep my private life private for a reason, Miles. I don’t want any of this to touch him.”

Which Miles understood but he couldn’t help but point out, “But his middle name is Simon. Isn’t he curious about who he was named after?”

Her smile was peculiar. “I gave him many names. Stop fishing, Miles. You don’t have the right.”

Miles gave her a small bow of apology and she hugged him. “I will miss you, Miles. Pain in the arse that you are. Look after that amazing family of yours.”  

   

**Luxury Cruise Ship Venus**

“Told you,” Nikki said as Max gave the nod that the suite was safe.

“After that soup can you made us ride in it’s what you owe us,” Pax said.  

Nikki was as good as his word and had got them half way through their journey home in record time in a ship that Pax swore was being held together by tape. No matter what meds they took Alex and Pax insisted they felt every wormhole jump. Nikki seemed oblivious and amused by his family’s reaction.  But Alex was at least distracted by his creative bursts which were only disappointed by everyone refusing to pose for him.  They then transferred to a luxury liner and into a suite. 

Alex dropped his bag and art kit on the floor, his eyes falling on the large scarlet carpeted room and scanning across to the gold drinks bar at one end and a small gold piano in the middle.  Nikki was already checking how well stocked the bar was. “There better be some decent booze and munchies here too.”

“That stuff isn’t included,” Pax said, hanging up his jacket and toeing off his shoes. He threw himself down on the plush sofa. “Told you we should’ve food shopped at the port.”

“We didn’t have time to shop,” Alex said.

“Probably cost a fortune and…” whatever else Pax said was muffled into the cushions and in a brief time he started to snore.

Alex shook his head at his cousin. He rolled his shoulders and stretched to get the kinks out.  “God, this suite is tacky. I have to make a vid of it.”

Nikki munched on a chocolate bar and went off to explore.  “Three bedrooms. Pax, want the bed?  Just snore if you want the sofa. Great. You keep the sofa.” Nikki whooped. “Water shower, kids. I’ll try not to use your share. Check your messages.  Should be a decent signal on this ship.”

Nikki returned a short while later refreshed and changed into his off-work Silver Space Pirates t-shirt and loose sports trousers. Max was in the corner on a float chair watching something on the vid but with a full view of the room and without raising his eyes Alex firmly ordered his Armsman to freshen up.  It was a relief to see Alex sketching again, large art pad up on a portable easel, biting the inside of his bottom lip in concentration.  Nikki stepped barefoot across the warm carpet, avoiding various drawing tools Alex had bought. Alex had gone art shopping after he’d sent off his many messages before they left Earth.  Pax and Nikki had accompanied him on that shopping expedition; no one could sleep that night anyway and Nikki still wasn’t comfortable leaving his kid brother alone.  Not yet.

Pax was still sleeping and it was then Nikki realised what Alex was sketching. He groaned. “Did you move him?” Nikki asked. Pax lay on his side, facing Alex, his head resting on his arm.

“Pax is very posable when he sleeps.  Perfect artist model.”

“Without his permission? You know what he’s like. Just don’t start another fucking fight. Not in here. I’m enjoying this suite. Fight _outside_ the suite.  ”

“Pax’ll be fine. I have a strategy.” Alex raised his eyes and closed the pad. “Don’t look so worried. I’m starving are we going out or eating in?”

“Not tired?”

“Tired, wired.  Hungry. Room Service. Let’s stick with room service. I’ll take a shower first. Get me anything. But don’t order me anything –”

“- with greekie cheese. I know.”

He walked towards the bathroom and stopped. “But Pax likes cheese so get him something.”

“Alright.”

“But not too much. I think he’s on some kind of weird dancer’s diet.”

“I’ll get an assortment.”

“Yeah but not-“

“Just take your fucking shower!”

Alex walked away and laughed “So narky, bro. Get me a berry chocolate milkshake too.”

 

They sat on the bar stools, eating from the array of dishes. Alex babbled as he often did when sleep wasn’t coming.  He wound down as food consumption sapped him and conversation veered from the cost and size of Silver Space Pirate nutty choc bars on different planets to mutual acquaintances.  Alex peered at his own shoulder, picked up a damp hair strand and stared at it as if he suddenly realised how long his hair had become. The reddish tinges in Alex’s dark hair reminded Nikki of their mother.

“You get any more messages from home?” Nikki asked.  Alex hadn’t said anything specifically about their parents – the omission bothered Nikki.

“No update from the girls on what’s happened,” Alex said. No personal messages from his sisters but he could hardly complain about their lack of replies.  “But Sophie Vorrutyer has put up her latest VS episode on the party scene.” At Nikki’s look Alex shrugged. “She has some witty observations and managed this time not to annihilate everyone with her critiques.  Perhaps she’s becoming less self-absorbed.” Although she was sporting a blue and brown bronze hairstyle and talked at length about her new look before anything else.

“Or she’s trying to make amends,” Nikki said. “She pissed a lot of people off at her party.”

“Yeah so when are you going back to work?”

“Trying to get rid of me?” As casually as he could Nikki asked, “So apart from Sophie’s show you had anything from Da?”

After a long pause Alex stopped tapping his fork on the plate and said, “Mama and Da have sent very neutral written messages.  I don’t know what they think but I don’t think they’re being honest.”

Nikki snorted. “You want honesty from them you have to give it in return.”

Alex started at his brother’s accusation. “I’ve always been honest.”

“Horseshit.” Nikki turned around and leaned back on the bar on his elbows, staring in front of him and avoiding Alex’s eyes as if he was an animal easily threatened. “You’ve lied to yourself so convincingly over the years that no one’s fucking known what it is you wanted to do.  But they’ve always supported your choices and not because it matched what they wanted for you.  They thought it was what you wanted. _They_ have been honest.”

Alex jumped off the stool. “You don’t think he’s disappointed I didn’t go to the academy? I know he is but he won’t ever say it. We’ve never really talked about it. Not that it matters.”

Nikki sighed. This conversation again. “Perhaps he was disappointed at first but only because you convinced us all that it was what you wanted and we all knew you would’ve been a great officer. But then you were on your way to being a great engineer.” And now he was on his way to being a great artist. Nikki had no doubts on that score. “The only thing Da gets disappointed by is people standing in the way of talent. How many times have you heard him say that?  Do you really think he would stand in your way?  Have you ever known him or Mama to do that with anyone?”

“Never,” he said quietly

“Remember that when you see them.  Alex, you have to get over this. The only one who has a problem with you not going to the academy is you.  You’ve attached so much fucking significance to it you have to find a way of dealing with it.”

“I have –“

“No you haven’t. _You_ keep bringing it up. You need to talk to Da about it because it’s still riding you.  When we go home you and Da need to have that fucking conversation or it’s just going to come up again.”  Might as well get it all out. “Mama thought you might have gone to stay with the Dowager.  For good. She thought Barrayar may be the issue.”

“What?” Alex sat back on the stool and picked at a pastry. “No. Grandmother sent me a lot of supportive messages, and a long list of therapist contacts.” They shared a smile. “She told me where she would be if I needed her and I know she’ll always be there for us and that’s great but it’s different. She has kids to take care of.”

“You’re very close to her though,” Nikki said and watched as Pax started to stir on the sofa.

Alex smiled. “Yeah but that doesn’t mean I want to live her or her new family. Small doses, Nikki. Grandma is too exhausting otherwise. And things have changed a lot.”

“Yeah poor Da still keeps going on how things haven’t changed.”

Their da was overcompensating for something his children didn’t care about. The Dowager’s grandchildren all saw her less and less in what they saw as the normal scheme of things as everyone had their own lives but they kept in regular contact.  It was enough for them but Miles had been the one caught out about how much his new siblings would have to absorb so much of his mother’s attention and change the family dynamics.  It was inevitable.  Alex shook his head. “Grandmother is great but she has some prejudices about Barrayar I don’t think she’s ever going to shake off.  When I talk about Barrayar she says I remind her of grandfather.” Alex grinned. “I can hear the echo of it in her voice –“

“Barrayarans!” They both said in Betan accents.

The Dowager had a different kind of baggage when it came to Barrayar. Nikki never realised how much until he read her first memoir. No one felt that Barrayar was ever going to be the Dowager’s home again. She raised her children on Sergyar, Beta Colony and other planets. Barrayar was now for brief visits or occasions.

Pax startled them with a yell of pain. He sat up massaging his neck.  “Are we nearly there? What time is it?  God. I must’ve slept funny. Got a kink.”

“Must be the sofa,” Alex said.  “A shower will settle it.  I got you some Loukoumi.”

“ _I_ bought the Loukoumi,” Nikki said.

Pax’s eyes fell on the art pad on the easel opposite the sofa, and froze. Nikki braced himself.

“Take a look. I drew you while you were sleeping,” Alex said casually, sliding slowly of the bar stool. “I didn’t want to wake you. Just exercises. Don’t want my muscles to atrophy.” He sighed. “I probably won’t do anything with them but no one will see them if you don’t want them to.” He walked over to his bag as Pax’s eyes bore into him. “And I did this for you from your description and the vid you showed us.” Alex pulled out a small rectangle paper and handed it to Pax whose face went from fury to stunned pleasure.

“That’s amazing. I mean it’s really – it’s amazing.”

“Your bird of paradise. I get it right?” Alex asked enjoying the emotions playing over Pax’s face.

“You know you did. Is it mine?”

“Sure.”

He looked at the art pad and back to Alex. “Just don’t do that again without asking me first and don’t use them – I don’t want to end up displayed somewhere.”

“Absolutely.”

“Don’t think I don’t know what a sneaky, crafty bastard you are, Alex.”

Alex grinned. “So what are we going to do about Nikki, Pax?”

Nikki frowned. “What? Hey I’m the only one without any issues here.” Nikki’s glance took in both his brother and cousin.

 “I don’t have issues,” Pax insisted moving to the bar.

Alex squared up to his brother. “I’m talking about your fucking swearing, Nikki.”

Nikki stared at his brother who stared back and Nikki as always was the one who broke eye contact and looked away. He laughed and asked, “Is it offending your delicate fucking sensibilities, Alex?”

“I don’t have issues,” Pax muttered again and examined the coloured blocks of Loukoumi carefully. “And we’re thinking of Aunt Ekaterin.” He sniffed. “These smell nice. Not too overpowering.”

“We’re nearly home, brother,” Alex said. “And you know what Mama’s like. Remember that dinner party and you said you had your language under control?”  

Nikki winced recalling the accidental words that came out.   “Come on. It’s not that bad.”

“You say that evert time and you know it is and you know Mama.” Alex folded his arms and said in mock serious tones, “I think you know what to do.”

Nikki sighed. “Alright. But you better not fucking tell anyone about this, Pax. Only Alex knows about this.”

Pax wiped the sugar from his mouth and swallowed another cube of Loukoumi. “What are you going to do?”

“It’s time for me break out the Lady Alys.”

“Oh.” Pax stared. “Wait. _What?”_

 


	17. Barrayar| SPACE |The Plan| Breaking Out The Lady Alys| Ivan’s Visit

 

**Barrayar**

Lizzie and Allie told Madam Dimitrou and Fred their plan; well they tried to. After agreeing to wait until they’d finished talking Fred instead punctuated their speech with question after question.  Allie calmly answered each question; standing on Lizzie’s foot when she noticed Lizzie’s curled fists.  They all needed to be on the same side for this and as annoying as Fred’s interruptions were they ended up clarifying and cementing the plan.

In her sewing corner Madam listened and didn’t say a word. Lizzie knelt by her chair and asked her what she thought of the plan.  Madam put aside the ruby red scarf she was embroidering and shook her head. “It’s too much.  I can’t do that. _Any_ of that.”

“You won’t be alone in this,” Lizzie said, her heart sinking. “There’s time to rehearse it and we will be right there.  You’ll be perfect.”

“In front of the emperor?” Madam said, paling. “And all those people? What about Fred? Fred could do it.”

Allie shook her head. “It won’t work with Fred. We need someone older to pretend to look a little frail, generate sympathy and empathy.”

“And Fred looks like he would beat people with his eyebrows,” Lizzie said, “and enjoy it.”

“Thanks.”

Lizzie gave him a sharp smile.  “You’re welcome.”

“But you heard my nana she can’t do it so don’t harass her.”

“I’m not harassing her,” Lizzie said, furious at the suggestion. “We would never force you to do anything you don’t want to do would we Allie.”

Allie was distracted by the fleeting look of amusement on Fred’s face. So fleeting she thought she imagined it. “No, of course we wouldn’t.”

“Thank you, dear,” Madam Dimitrou squeezed Lizzie’s hand. “Thank you for understanding, girls.”

“But it’s a good plan,” Fred said, “so we should get someone else. How about Madam Henriette, Nana? Her house is under threat too.”

Madam Dimitrou let go of Lizzie’s hand and sat bolt upright. _“Henriette?”_ she asked.

“Hasn’t she acted in some amateur dramatics?” Fred asked. Lizzie turned away to look out of the window and avoid eye contact with Allie. “No point wasting time. I can go and ask her now, Nana.”

“She sounds perfect,” Allie said, “what do you think, Lizzie?”

Lizzie mumbled something as Madam Dimitrou now stood. “You can’t. She’s at her – she’s away today and she’s no good for this. Can’t keep anything to herself, such a gossip and she only acted in that one production.  I admit she has a passable pretty face but that doesn’t make you a good actress. That’s the truth, girls. Looks aren’t everything. Not that you two have to worry about that. No, Henriette is no good for something so important.”

Fred stepped towards the door. “But, Nana she’s the only other person who could possibly replace you. Let’s at least give her a chance.”

“I’ll do it,” Madam Dimitrou said diving to the door with her back to it. “Stay where you are, Frederick. You know nothing of these things and I won’t inflict Henriette on you all.” She raised her chin. “It’s my duty.  I’ll do it.”

 

On the way home they walked through the Great Square, avoiding a harassed looking teacher trying to inform a school party of young children about their surroundings; some of the children were too busy gleefully pretending to starve to death in the imitation stocks.  Lizzie looked across at Allie and grinned. “Ah the good old days,” she said. Allie remembered playing in those stocks too and not understanding how real they had been at one time either.  

They stared in the direction of where a platform would be erected to host the emperor and his family for the Escobar War memorial ceremony. It would be filled with families and dress green uniforms and after the poignant speeches always turned into a festive affair with overpriced food and drink stalls.  Lizzie picked out their spot where they were going execute their plan.

“You really want to add music to the plan? Isn’t it complicated enough?” Lizzie whispered.

“Why are you whispering?  Yes, I’m sure about the music. It’s Pax’s idea and he’s right. We have to choreograph this like a dance. Have something stirring but not too mawkish. In the background. It’ll help.” Allie looked up at the clear blue sky and shaded her eyes against the sun. “The weather’s supposed to be fine too.”

“Well we’ve got thirteen days to coach Madam Dimitrou and get it right.” Lizzie hoped it was enough time and that Madam Dimitrou wouldn’t change her mind.  Lizzie raised her eyes picturing the hover-vids that would be out on the day sending out a net feed of the memorial event live across Barrayar, and to the Embassies across the Galaxy. And also sending out Madam Dimitrou hijacking the event. A thrill of goosebumps caused Lizzie to shiver and she and Allie exchanged grins.

“It’s perfect,” Allie said.

Lizzie frowned and whispered, “Don’t jinx it.”

“You worry too much and stop whispering!”

**

**Luxury Cruise Ship Venus**

_Do not accept an invitation to visit any place of public entertainment, with a man with whom you are but slightly acquainted,_ _unless there is another lady also invited._

“This is where I’ve been going wrong,” Alex drawled, staring at the ceiling, blowing out a smoke ring.  “I need to take a woman with me on my dates.”

Pax stayed in his lotus position and watched Nikki and Alex; both of them smoking reef greens and listening to the refined tones of Lady Alys.  “Are you seriously saying listening to my grandmother’s books curbs your swearing?”

“It’s not so much what she says, it’s the way she says it,” Nikki said with a serene smile.

Lady Alys’s books on old customs and traditions had developed a cult galactic following. It amused and thrilled his grandmother no end; there was even a galactic wide fan club which Da would have liked better if it didn’t reinforce the ignorance some people had that Barrayar hadn’t moved on. Lady Alys accused her son of losing his sense of humour and Pax had to admit that he’d noticed that too with his father.  No so much a lack of humour but an excess in seriousness, especially in the way he worried about them all.  Mama’s family made it difficult with trying to take the non-twins but Pax knew his grandparents would never hurt the non-twins. His Jacksonian relatives were just so… _Jacksonian._  And with the amount of security Da had already placed around the family it was doubtful the kids could go anywhere without him knowing. Allie had said Da just needed a holiday but her comms had suggested things hadn’t changed that much and that he and Mama still weren’t back to themselves. Pax shook his head. The idea of his parents not being together was impossible.   

_Be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gentleman. A prior engagement will, of course, excuse you, but if you plead fatigue, or really feel it, do not dance the set with another gentleman; it is most insulting, though sometimes done._

 “It _is_ insulting,” Alex said, “Lady Alys is right. But I’m done anyway with men for now. I need to concentrate on other things this summer.  Can’t be distracted. You sure you don’t want a hit, Pax? It’s clean.”

They’d bought the legal albeit overpriced reef greens in the ship’s gift shop. Pax ended up buying more gifts than he intended for his family with the shop’s steward overriding the automated pricing and giving Pax a generous discount and checking the items against the strict custom restrictions they’d be subject to when they arrived home. They changed those rules all the time and they were easily checked but Pax found on some occasions it was easier to let people think they were being helpful and he had received a great discount after all which Nikki said was wasted on Pax since he over tipped the steward.  

Pax sipped his wine. “I’m not polluting my body with that stuff. I don’t care if it’s clean.” Pax thought about his upcoming tour and the role he’d auditioned for and won; he wasn’t going to risk it.  He doubted his cousins would understand the significance of his new role so he’d keep it to himself rather than being embarrassed trying to explain to his cousins.  “You do know you’ll have to leave all your drugs here. You’re not going to get it through customs.”

Alex waved a hand. “I always do a clear out before I dock home.”

“These ships must make a fortune on what people have to ditch before they reach the Imperium.” Pax had a sudden flash of a particularly stunning view where he could guarantee to be alone.  “I should still have time to get some camping in,” he murmured to himself. Pax always spent a couple of days in the mountains on his own. It was his reset button but after he’d spent time with his family. He had to make the most of the short time they’d have together.

“Already ditching us?” Alex asked.

“We’ll all be busy with our own plans. I doubt we’ll see much of each other now unless there’s another wedding, funeral or Imperial event Da can’t get out of.”

Alex looked like he was about to disagree but he waved a hand. “Alright. Maybe. But we’ll keep in touch better.” Alex’s smile dissolved at whatever he saw in Pax’s face; he slowly sat up, his sharp eyes more focussed than Pax had expected them to be.  “You don’t think so?”

“I think we have to be realistic,” Pax added bluntly. Things would go back to the way they were and Pax wasn’t stupid enough to think that Alex would want to give him time once they reached Barrayar.  Pax wasn’t a child anymore looking for his cousin’s attention.  “Just because we’ve spent this time together I don’t expect anything.” And here Pax faltered, not sure what else to say but Alex continued for him -

“You don’t expect anything from me is what you mean?  Right. Thanks, Pax.”  Alex stood up. “I’m going for a walk.”

Nikki turned to Pax after Alex left, closely followed by Max. “Do you always have to be so damn honest?”

“Oh fuck off, Nikki,” Pax said, not sure why he was angry or at who.

“Hey, language.”

_Think of this, you who are tempted to use improper language, and never let a vile word disgrace you. An oath never falls from the tongue of the man who commands respect.  Honesty, frankness, generosity, and virtue are noble traits. Let these be yours, and do not fear. You will then claim the esteem and love of all._

**

**Barrayar**

Ivan’s meeting with the emperor had not been about his position but about their respective families.  The only reference to the report was a discussion on an aspect of the Escobaran education treaty which many people overlooked - the brain drain occurring on Barrayar. The Escobarans knew what they were about. Barrayar was catching up to the galaxy faster than anyone expected and Escobar were quite willing to sweep up the talent. It was, as Gregor pointed up, up the Imperium to make sure Barrayar was an attractive enough prospect not just for galactics but for Barrayaran students to want to return home with their qualifications.   Ivan’s request for reassignment wasn’t mentioned but Ivan left with an unspoken understanding. 

The following day he had a very different meeting.  His fact heavy report to the Trade, Cultural and Galactic Affairs ministers on how embassy staffing in many of the embassies was wholly inadequate for the current Imperium, resulting in lost opportunities and mismanagement hammered a lot of nerves; many ministers assuming Lord Vorpatril had finally shown his true colours with ambitions extending to all their jobs to the highest level.  The knives were out but the emperor had his own methods as he ‘appeared’ to watch it all unfold, giving the ministers and their staff enough rope to hang themselves or show themselves worthy of their positions.

Ivan’s second meeting with the Prime Minister and the trade and galactic affairs ministers continued long after Ivan had left the room he was sure but gave him much to think about. Ivan’s only regret was that he hadn’t done this sooner.   Tej’s words echoed around him head and he laughed out loud. _Rigid? Humourless?_ He’d show her.  He’d have to time it just right…

 

**The Women’s Guild**

Tej was still surprised that her accidental research on the connections and evolution of ‘Dance and Language on Barrayar’ had gained so much attention; it thrilled her and made her laugh that she was being asked to give talks on her favourite passions.  Her family back on Jackson’s Whole just wouldn’t understand why anyone was making a fuss. But here she was having just given a talk in front of a wide age range of women, many prominent in VS society including her mother-in-law. 

The petite receptionist with the severe eyebrows that made her look like she was always frowning looked particularly severe as she approached Lady Anthea, Lady Alys and Tej.

“M’lady Anthea, may I have a word?”

“A chairwoman’s duties never end,” Lady Anthea said brightly but she couldn’t hide she was displeased at being pulled away from her conversation.  But her whispered conversation with the receptionist caused Lady Anthea to stop and blurt out, “A man? Who? Really Cynthia you should know better! Not even the emperor is permitted to set foot in these –what?”

Whatever Cynthia whispered caused Lady Anthea to go several shades of pink which was nothing compared to the colour she went when Lord Ivan Vorpatril walked into the guild dining room.  A collective gasp went around the room except from the oldest dowagers. “Is that young Ivan?”

“Cheeky boy interrupting our meetings but always offering to bring me my tea,” Lady Voryan said.

“That was over fifty years ago, Esther.”

“That is a long time to wait for tea,” someone quipped before they were silenced.

“Ladies,” Ivan said with a polite deep bow to the gathered ladies. “Mamere,” he said striding over and kissing her cheek. “Hey, wife,” he said, grasping her hands and bringing her to her feet to give her a different kind of kiss. “So how did it go?”

Tej, struggling to keep a straight face with the taste of chocolate and berries in her mouth from Ivan’s tongue, just about managed not to giggle. She nodded. “It went well. You having a slow day, husband?”

Ivan winked at her before reaching down and kissing his mother again, clasping her hand “You did say I would always be safe here and that I would always be welcome.”

“That was when you were _a child_ ,” Lady Alys said.

“But aren’t I still your child?” Ivan asked with a dazzling smile.  

Lady Alys shook her head at her son, not a strand of her coiffed silver hair falling out of place but she pressed her son’s hand with her own.

“And I’m very grateful for the Women’s Guild in adopting me,” Ivan said loud enough for everyone to hear.   It looked like the older ones were looking on Ivan fondly and the rest were trying not to burst into laughter or waiting to take their cue from the chair who was wisely waiting to see what Lady Alys would say; Tej had quickly sussed that her mother in law would be the forever unofficial chair of their guild.

“It is a pleasure to see you all but I won’t interrupt you any further,” Ivan said and Tej recognised the glint in his eye.  “Besides, right now I need my wife.” And he picked Tej up, hauled his laughing spouse over his shoulder and staggered out with her.

“Has Ivan gone to fetch me my tea?”

**

**The Vorpatril Residence**

Allie returned home after picking up the non-twins from the Vorkosigans where Taurie had been on babysitting duties.  Taurie was becoming a new favourite having helped do a re-enactment of one of Rohan’s scenes from _Romeo, Juliet and the Dendarii Dragons_.  And Moira decided Taurie couldn’t be that bad as she listened to Moira’s battle plan for one of Rohan’s battles; Rohan didn’t like designing battles.   Taurie had been both impressed and disturbed by Moira’s strategy and willingness to sacrifice many fighters. “But Rohan wouldn’t let me kill that many,” Moira explained to Allie with a heavy sigh.

“You can’t kill everyone,” Rohan said indignantly, “otherwise what’s the point? What’s the reason?”  

While they talked about realism in war and _‘well Taurie said…’_ Allie with a quick hello to Anjelica shoved the kids towards the kitchen and went upstairs to find her mother. She stopped halfway down the hallway hearing noises coming from the guest room where the door was partially open.  “Oh, my bear! That’s a rigid I don’t mind at all.”

Urk. Allie closed the door herself but could still hear enough to know her parents hadn’t noticed. She flew down the stairs and interrupted her siblings talking Anjelica’s head off. “Alright kids we’re going out.  For cake. Come on.”

“But I want to tell Dada about –“

“No, no, not right now. Mama and Dada are busy. Alone time busy.” She exchanged a look with Anjelica, who nodded, looking both amused and pleased.

“Is it junk food cake time?” Rohan asked, eyes wide.

“Yes,” Allie said and they both jumped up and down and cheered while Allie wished to God that her parents had soundproofed the guest room as well as their own bedroom.  And at least this time she hadn’t walked in on them screwing on the bathroom floor.  After that incident, because she was with her school friends, Allie and Pax had insisted on some ground rules for their frisky parents which included closing the damn door. Allie smiled; she’d just add this incident to all the other ammunition she had to be used in appropriate circumstances when her parents were being…parents. But most of all she was glad that what her parents had said hadn’t just been to ease her mind; things did seem to be finally getting back to normal for her family.  She couldn’t wait to tell Pax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotes assisted and sourced/adapted from The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness by Cecil B. Hartley and The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness, by Florence Hartley


	18. Barrayar| Homecoming|The Plan is Not the Plan

 

**Vorkosigan House – Library**

Tej turned over the pages of the large antique Encyclopaedia of Birds that used to mesmerise Pax when he was a child. Miles and Ekaterin had both found it soothed Pax when he was feeling left out as he often did as Alex got older and Pax never seemed to quite get on with the other Vorkosigan children.  Tej raised her eyes. “Are you sure? Isn’t it worth a lot?”

“Depends how you judge such things,” Ekaterin said.  “Pax is the only one who has ever appreciated that tome and we think of it as his.”

“It’s very generous of you but I can’t take it. Give it to him yourself when you see him. It’s your gift to him, Ekaterin.” Tej sat back down in the deep sofa and picked up her tea.  She looked up at the ceiling. “So, what do you think our girls are up to? Do you know who this woman is that they keep visiting?”  It was only the fact that Allie wasn’t going alone to this house that kept Tej from worrying.

Ekaterin glanced at the door and edged closer, dropping her voice. “I have a clue from Kareen.  She’s a regular monthly correspondent but has sent me two comms this month. The last one mentioned that she knew Lizzie was involved in some housing issue and that she hoped Lizzie wasn’t disappointed with the outcome and if there was anything Kareen could do to explain to let her know.”

“Housing issue?”

Ekaterin explained she had discovered where Lizzie’s patient lived and it hadn’t taken long for her to find out about the Nouveau Maison development.  She showed Tej the details on her mini console and pointed out who the company logo belonged to and Tej was impressed. “You think our girls are going to scupper Mark and Kareen’s investment?”

“I don’t know but we know our daughters.  I cannot see them objecting to the clinic or school or that side of it; it’s the ones being relocated into the faceless housing while their own will be used for tourists or richer occupants.”

Faceless housing with better conditions, thought Tej, but she could see whose side Ekaterin was on. Tej could appreciate it but for herself she knew it was dangerous to become too attached to any house due to the nature of Ivan’s work.  Even their home on VS never felt truly theirs.  As for her old family home Tej had a permanent ambivalence about it.

“Why haven’t they come to you or Miles – ah,” Tej broke off.  “I see.”

Ekaterin nodded. “Which is why I’m not mentioning it to Miles or the girls for as long as I can. I think we should leave them to it and I admit it’s the first time in a long while that Lizzie and Taurie have been civil to each other and I don’t want to get in the way of it.”

“Yes, Taurie and Allie seem to getting on well too.”

“I don’t think anything they do will be illegal,” Ekaterin said as if to reassure to Tej.

“Really?” Tej asked. “That’s a shame.”

 Ekaterin laughed. “You don’t mean that.”

“I just think it’s good sometimes to go against the grain; a little brush with the law can build character; focus your thinking.” Tej expected Ekaterin to protest but Ekaterin looked thoughtful. “Just don’t tell Ivan I said that,” Tej added.  “This Ivan may not laugh – yet.” At Ekaterin’s neutral look and because Tej knew Ekaterin was too discreet to ask she elaborated.  “Things are so much better and Ivan’s having a full medical today. It’s long overdue.”

Even though sexually things were starting to get back to a mutual norm neither of them were fooled. There were underlying issues that needed to be addressed and Tej hoped that Ivan talking to his old medic friend Mat, someone he hadn’t seen in years but trusted in his service days, would be just the person.  He needed someone unconnected with the last few years.  “I won’t tell Ivan about Allie’s involvement in this. Let’s trust them and see what they do. Besides Ivan’s already concerned about this on and off thing Allie has with Daniel Vorbretten.”

“You know he was promoted to Lieutenant?”

“Oh yes.  Tatya told me. She’s trying to find out what’s going on between him and Allie as Daniel hasn’t been very forthcoming.”

Ekaterin sighed. “To tell you the truth Tej I don’t quite understand the status of their relationship either.”

Tej let out a laugh and sighed.  “Join the club. When one of them forces the issue it’s going to be something I’m not looking forward to. Allie doesn’t see it. She thinks she’s prepared for anything.”

A rapid knock on the door disturbed all conversation and Lizzie rushed in, her light long jacket floating behind her.  “Ah we’re going out. Won’t be home for dinner.”

“Are you going to a party?” Tej asked, even though she could see clearly they were all dressed too casually for a social occasion.  “Can I come?”

“We’re just going around town, you know,” Allie said vaguely. “Visiting some friends. Don’t wait up.”

 “Don’t do anything I would do,” Tej called after them.  “I don’t think you could handle it.”

“I’m never sure what she means by that,” Allie said to Taurie as they left.

 

~~

Alex and Max entered the house in the very early hours of the morning. Nikki said he’d follow later, that there was something he had to do.  So Alex, his heart in his mouth, had to face his parents alone; trying not to second guess the reception he’d get and all the questions he’d be forced to answer.  They were waiting at the bottom of the stairs; Mama in an elegant shimmering dressing gown and Da in rumpled trousers and tunic.  They stared at each other. “Well,” said Alex, dumping the one bag he hadn’t left to be delivered.   “I know I – oof,” And warm arms were around him and a familiar perfume. Ekaterin moved so he could embrace his father fully. Miles smudged the tears away from Alex’s cheeks with his thumb.  “Alright?”

“Yeah, you know - better.” Alex wiped his eyes on his cuff.

Miles turned and clasped Max’s hand, telling him to go home and to take a month’s leave. Alex shook Max’s hand too but held it firm for a while, knowing Max would be uncomfortable with anything else. “Sorry I was such a bast – chore, Max.”

“I don’t know what you mean, m’lord. It is an honour to serve you.”

Alex watched him go. “We should clone Max.” He turned back to his parents.  “Nikki said he had something to do. I don’t know where he’s at.”

“I know. Do you want to go straight to bed? Are you hungry?” Ekaterin asked.

Alex laughed “You know, I was going to say that I needed bed, needed time but I don’t. What I need is to talk. Now. Is that alright?”

It was more than alright.

**Vorpatril Household**

They had parted ways at the shuttleport. Pax wanting to make his own way home, and Nikki not protesting due to Pax and Nikki speaking to each other only when they had to. No arguments, no fights just a stubborn silence.  The whole thing had left Pax with a heavy feeling like a slick residue of something he couldn’t remove which he couldn’t understand since he’d only spoke the truth to Alex. But when he arrived home his surprise to see everyone up overwhelmed all the other emotions, especially one particular site.

“Da, you’re _cooking?”_ The embrace and kiss from his father powdered Pax in flour. He tried to reconcile his father’s thinner frame which didn’t look or feel like him with the subtle musky cologne, the twinkle in his eye, and that grin that was so much his father.  “Welcome home early breakfast!” Ivan grasped Pax’s chin in his firm warm flour dosed hand. “I am on the best get fat diet in the galaxy,” he said dropping his voice, “Doctor’s orders so don’t worry.”

“Which means your father has to make blinis from scratch and use every utensil he can find,” Tej said. “Come here, son.” And she squeezed him hard, but even with his smile she saw something in his face that made her say, “Later we talk but it’ll have to wait until we’ve eaten your father’s cooking.”

The non-twins rushed in in their pyjamas. “I missed you monsters,” Pax said picking one up in each arm and they shrieked with laughter infecting Pax too. He sat them down on the counter.

“Not in the flour, Pax!” Tej said.

“There isn’t anywhere without flour,” Pax pointed out laughing.

“I can make these as good as Anjelica,” Ivan insisted as the dough stuck to his fingers and refused to take shape. “Hmm. What do you think the problem is, kids?”

“Maybe the flour is broken, Dada,” Rohan said. 

“Needs chocolate,” Moira said.

“I think you’re both right,” Ivan said with a serious nod. “Broken flour and chocolate – makes sense to me.”

“And red berry sauce,” Moira said, “so it looks like blood running through it!!”

Pax ruffled Moira’s curls. “Not changed a bit have you, you ghoulish brat.”

“When are you giving us our presents?” Moira asked.

 Pax laughed out loud again.  “Definitely not changed.”

Allie surveyed the chaos with a loud tut as she walked to her brother and gave him a swift hug. “Back here five seconds and look at the place but it’s about time.”

“What happened to your blue,” he said pointing to Allie’s now bronze gold curls.

“I fancied a change,” she snapped.

“Nothing to do with Sophie Vorrutyer copying your look?”

“You know about   - oh shut up.”

Pax looked around the kitchen with a grin.  _I’m definitely home._   “Come on, Da. Let me help you and I’ve got some great news.” He’d been holding on to it for weeks. Now he could tell the people he knew would most appreciate it. 

His parents exchanged looks. “We’ve got news too but we were waiting until you came home so we could tell you all together. But you go first Pax. We insist.”

 

**

Allie transferred the call to her comconsole in her bedroom and closed the door on the loud laughter and chatter she could hear coming up from the kitchen.  “You seen Alex?” Allie asked.  “Is no one asleep?”  Taurie and Lizzie in their pyjamas faced her from Lizzie’s bedroom with Lizzie holding her raggedy old bear.   Allie felt her joy disperse at the expressions on their faces.

Lizzie waved a hand. “No,” she whispered, “He’s downstairs talking to Da and Mama.  Never mind him. _We_ have a serious problem.”

“We’ve run out of time,” Taurie said. “We have to do something now.”

“I think I have a plan,” Lizzie said, “But whether Madam Dimitrou will be able to carry it out I don’t know.”

“Woah, woah! Wait!” Allie said, “what are you two going on about?”

 “Tomorrow Prince Xav will be at the breaking ground ceremony for the new clinic,” Lizzie stated.  “I only know because Irene told me and how she was relieved none of the siblings had to attend. It’ll just be him representing the family again.”

Allie must have looked confused because Taurie added, “It’s being named after the emperor’s mother.”

“It’s not just because of that.” Lizzie placed her bear aside, “it’s a fully funded free clinic. It’s one of Xav’s causes. _This_ was one of the selling points of the Nouveau Maison development package. The Ministry of Health has their stamp on this. The Health Minister is going to be there too.”

Allie understood the panic and her heart sank.  “It means they’re starting work early.  So have you told Madam Dimitrou? Or Fred?” Allie asked. “She’ll have to change part of her speech. We don’t want anyone to think they have a problem with the clinic. God we need a new plan!  What I don’t understand is why they’re bringing it forward.”

Taurie raised her brows. “Are you serious? It’s obvious – they’re scared something is going to happen. It’s not just the Dimitrous who have been trying to get the decision overturned.  You don’t think we’re it do you? There’s a massive pressure group trying everything they can for an appeal. Maybe the Dimitrous leaked our plan – by accident,” she added hurriedly at the look her sister shot at her.

“No, they wouldn’t.” Lizzie froze but Allie caught the guilty look on her face.

Taurie saw it too and gave her sister a sharp look. “Lizzie?”

Lizzie tugged stray strands behind her ear but they floated back out again and she blew at them irritated. “I didn’t tell anyone.” She left the bed and returned to her bed jamming two pins in her hair.

“But?” Allie asked.

“Look it’s – there’s no way but I may have told Uncle Mark and Aunt Kareen not to be surprised if some of their plan fell through.”

“Lizzie!” Allie gasped. “Are you serious?”

“I didn’t tell them anything else! I just said lots of people weren’t happy no matter how they saw it.”

Allie was incredulous. “And you didn’t think they’d pass this tidbit on to the rest of the investors or look into it? This is a multi-million project of which the houses are only a small part as you keep reminding us!”

Lizzie folded her arms and stared down her cousin. “And they know about the appeal so it’s not new information.”

Allie let out a strangled cry.  “But they know now your involved and –“

“Alright! Alright!” Taurie said. “This is getting us nowhere.  It doesn’t matter. We’re still in the same place. The traditional legal routes aren’t getting anyone anywhere. We’re still back to the clameur which is legal but ancient and it can still be used.  Just tomorrow.”

“No,” Allie shook her head. “It’s Xav. He’s such a damn stiff he’ll probably have the Armsman cart off Madam Dimitrou and slap her around.”

Taurie snorted a laugh, and Lizzie glared at her cousin. “That’s not fair and not true! He’s not like that at all.”

“He nearly killed Pax.”

Lizzie groaned, rolling her eyes. “For God’s sake, Allie that was years ago and he didn’t nearly kill him.  Stop exaggerating and Pax was hardly innocent. They had a fight that got out of hand.”

“Yeah because Xav is older and has a filthy temper.” Xav’s punch had caused Pax to fall back unconscious after he knocked his head on the edge of a bench and it wasn’t something that Allie could forgive. For a few seconds she had genuinely thought her brother was dead.  He had quickly recovered with no permanent damage but that wasn’t the point.

“He _had_ a temper,” Lizzie pointed out, “that incident scared the shit out of him! And you broke his nose!”

Allie raised her chin. “Yes I did, serves him right.”

Taurie looked from her sister to her cousin, tempted to break both their noses. “As I said last time,” Taurie said slowly in even tones, “this isn’t your decision. It’s Madam Dimitrou’s.  Allie, you haven’t seen Xav as much as we have. He’s not the same person he was ten years ago. Are you?”

Allie nodded. “I am. I was as amazing then as I am now,” she said with a smile, “but I will cede to your judgement on this since we don’t have a lot of time or a lot of choices but if he hurts anyone-”

“I’m sure you’ll be there to break his nose.”

“Damn right.  Now we have to think of a new plan to take to the Dimitrous and put it in action in a few hours. Great.”

“The plan is the same,” Lizzie said, “It’s just the place has changed. It’s limited spacing at the site they’re doing the ground breaking but there is a way we can have Madam recite the clameur. We have to at least try.”

“Let’s hope she and Fred see it that way,” Allie said. “Oh damn! I have the kids today. Pax wants time alone with my parents and I promised to take the kids.”

“You have to leave them at home!” Taurie said.

Allie recalled the look on Pax’s face when he asked her and Allie shook her head. Pax needed this time with them. “No, it’s fine. They could be useful.  I’ll keep an eye on them. Don’t worry.” Allie thought about Pax’s news and her parents but knew the timing was wrong to tell her cousins. 

“We’re not going to have near as much publicity,” Taurie said.  Prince Xav’s duties were deliberately low key events.  Minimal publicity for security and politics sakes; very few people on the day and most people only found about the event _after_ the event.   

“I have an idea about publicity too,” Lizzie said. And they stayed up talking about the new plan. Taurie going to her room to avoid suspicion and then Lizzie received more news. A message from her Uncle Mark and Aunt Kareen. “They’re arriving on Barrayar today. I don’t believe it.”

“Of course they are,” Allie said with a short laugh. “And have you looked at the weather report for today?”

 


	19. Barrayar|SophV, Stink Bombs and the Clameur de Haro

**Chapter 19**

_Well hello my fellows, it’s SophV here bringing the highs and lows of VS.  As you can see it’s another unpredictable summer’s day in VS. Will we escape those rain clouds? Can we trust the Weather Centre after their Winterfair snow prediction disaster? But we’re not here to discuss that today.  What am I doing here you may be wondering apart from showing off my triple tone riding coat from the new Cynthia line…_

Allie was beginning to despair. “Seriously? She’s our best shot? With _my_ hair,” she added. “And SophV what kind of spelling is that when it sounds exactly the same!

“Give her a chance, Allie,” Lizzie said.  

Taurie agreed. “Sophie has a huge audience and I know she wants to cover more serious issues.” But Allie could hear the doubt in Taurie’s voice. They were watching her on Allie’s wristcom projection around the corner from the event. They’d agreed to stay out of the way but to stay nearby in case they were needed. The wind whipped up a strong scent of rain in the muggy air and they all raised their eyes at the gathering clouds.

Sophie, with a small introduction to why everyone was there, showed the minister’s speech and the stabbing of the spade into the rubble before he ceded his place to Prince Xav; his wavy red gold hair dancing in the wind. He began his powerful speech on the honour of the clinic being named after his paternal grandmother. Allie admitted that the husky tone of his voice and his manner of speaking was more attractive than the minister’s monotone speech.

But a great as the speech was - “This is taking too long,” Allie muttered.  They needed an audience! Sophie wasn’t enough.  They needed to do this before the rain drove people away – now they’d got an eyeful of their prince they were unlikely to stick around.

“Alright time for phase one.” Lizzie sent a message to Fred with a reminder to tell his grandmother to activate her mic.

 

Behind the secure almost transparent barrier, Madam Dimitrou, in a neat knee length blue flowered dress, clasped the arm of her grandson at the front of the crowd, and at the squeeze of his hand she told him to leave her alone, loud enough for people to hear. “I will be alright. No one will be able to see with you at my side, Frederick. Take the children.” She sounded wooden and uncertain but at least she got that right.  She’d been practicing everything she wanted to say all morning. Her heart was pounding so loud it worried her but she practiced the breathing exercises the girls had taught her.   Fred moved away with a look of concern with Moira and Rohan close on either side as they set off the stink bombs Allie had bought for the occasion.  The wind was in their favour and the smell caused the people around Madam Dimitrou to move away from her – it was like a spotlight and she was directly opposite Prince Xav’s albeit a few meters away.  Sophie was close by and had been warned not to say anything about the smell and not to move. The kids ran around the corner to Allie’s side, grinning like lunatics. “We did it, Allie, we did it.”

“You were both perfect. Now you have another important job. Sit on that bench, don’t move your butts and eat this chocolate,” Allie said, handing them each a bar. Moira opened hers straight away but Rohan didn’t.

His brow furrowed. “Is this a trick?”

“No, it’s not,” Lizzie laughed and then her eyes widened as she watched Sophie’s show.  “It’s _Aunt Kareen_. What the hell is she doing here?” Lizzie turned to the children and then Allie. “Do you think she saw the kids?”

“No way,” Allie said lowering her voice, “and even if she did she’s not seen them in over two years. She won’t have recognised them.”

While the Prince’s speech continued Sophie was showing the crowd and there she was – Kareen Koudelka, tall, sleek blonde hair, and with an unreadable expression. They all looked for their uncle and couldn’t see him. “It doesn’t rain but it pours,” Allie muttered. A fat drop of rain landed on Allie’s neck and the sky darkened. “I was kidding!” she said. “I think the Barrayaran goddess is cranky; she better not help Aunt Kareen sabotage this.”

“Sabotage our sabotage?”  Taurie asked dryly.

“You know what I mean!”

Taurie pulled the hoods up on the children’s light raincoats. They thanked her in between chewy bites, even Moira.  

“Aunt Kareen can’t possibly know what we’re up to,” Lizzie said. “And-” They looked up again at the crack of simultaneous thunder and lightning. Allie quickly seated herself between the children while Rohan muttered he wasn’t scared but both children watched the sky in wide eyed fascination. Even Prince Xav paused his speech –a pause a touch too long as Madam Dimitrou fell to her knees, activated her mic and quite clearly recited the clameur as rain pelted down. The girls all gasped. “It’s too soon!” Lizzie said. She was supposed to recite it at the end of the prince’s speech but it was done; it seemed to be alright until a guard removed Madam Dimitrou’s mic and hauled her to her feet.

“Damn it. She’s not finished,” Lizzie said about to charge around the corner.

Taurie grabbed Lizzie’s arm. “No, wait. Look.”

Sophie’s excited commentary showed Prince Xav had rapidly closed the distance, he signalled and the barrier was dropped, and then he deftly raised Madam Dimitrou to her feet as he clasped her hand.  He waved away the guards again after having them place a hover umbrella above her head. But the guards formed a circle around them far away enough to give them space but close enough to combat trouble.  Fred was pointed out by his grandmother and waved forward to her side by the prince and that’s when they saw Kareen again; she was permitted to offer a handkerchief to wipe Madam Dimitrou’s soiled knees.

“How the hell did she get there so quick? What _is_ she up to?” Allie asked.  Kareen moved away and allowed the Prince, Fred and Madam Dimitrou to speak together but no one could hear anything.  Meanwhile Sophie was giving the perfect description of the history and use of the clameur that Lizzie had given her and Allie had to admit so far Sophie was doing a fine job. Fred suddenly pointed down the street and Xav spoke to two Armsman who did not look happy but nodded.  They all began to walk down the long avenue flanked by Armsman and guards.

“What are you doing?” Allie asked Lizzie who was speaking into your wristcom. “Don’t tell me to shush. Do you think Aunt Kareen will sabotage this?”

Lizzie far from looking disappointed with the way events had unfolded was grinning.  “Soph? Go to this address and remember what I told you. Yes I’m sure that’s where they’re going!  Trust me she and Fred are telling them about the housing development. Don’t forget to say how they’re supportive of the free clinic and – no, I don’t think you’re an idiot but you better hurry or you’ll lose your exclusive.”

“It’s down to them now,” Lizzie said.

“How risky is it if we follow?” Taurie asked. “We could just be part of the crowd?”

“Allie,” Rohan said, “how long do I have to sit on my butt?”

“What?”

“I need the lav,” he said.

“Me too,” Moira said, “Can we throw a stink bomb at the prince?”

“Shhh,” Allie said, “I told you not to say that word and no. I’ll take you to the lav.” She turned to her cousins. “You two go. I should take them home too before we corrupt them further. Let me know if anything outside of Sophie’s show happens.”

But Rohan rushed to Allie’s side and so did Moira as two stocky guards in the VS livery had turned the corner and now eyed the children. Lizzie and Taurie moved close to Allie.

“Disrupting an Imperial event is an offence,” the blond one said stiffly.  He was younger than his salt and pepper haired partner who gave the blond an exasperated look. It was gone quickly and they went back to their intimidating stances but Allie was never fazed by men in uniform; she’d been raised around them. She always saw past their symbols; her parents had made sure of it.  Allie turned sideways and shifted each of her siblings round at the same time. “Taurie, can you take the kids to Nico’s – they’ll let them use the lav there.”

The blond guard stepped forward, “Now wait-“

“I’m sure,” Allie said loudly to Taurie ignoring him, “that these fine guards have no intention of speaking to the kids without their parents present,” she emphasised the last words.  “Not that they need to speak to them at all.” Moira, with her ringlets poking out from her hood, looked as angelic as ever but gave the guards one of her hard, frank unblinking stares causing the older guard some amusement and the younger one to tug at his collar. Allie held on to Moira’s hand as she bent down to look Rohan in the eye. “Hey worrywart. This is just a misunderstanding about Sophie’s show. That’s all. You don’t have to be here and we’ll clear this up in a second then all go home, alright?”

Relief flooded Rohan’s face and he nodded and neither of the kids said a word as Taurie took their hands. “I’ll try and be quick,” Taurie said but Allie mouthed, _take them home._

The guards had a recording of the children activating the stink bombs. Lizzie smiled and asked for their names and to see their ID. Lizzie and Allie made a point of studying the IDs long and hard before they became exasperated and put them away. Salt and Pepper asked for Allie and Lizzie’s names but it was obvious the guards had scanned them already and they knew who they were. Allie only volunteered one piece of information – that she was in charge of the children so that Lizzie wouldn’t try to take the blame. “You had no right to scare them. You’re lucky my mother isn’t here.”

Whatever they were about to say was stalled by their comms. “But, sir we have – yes, sir.” The blond muttered something about _privileged Vors_ and told Lizzie and Allie they could leave but that their families would be hearing about the stink bomb incident.  Lizzie and Allie both had to bite their tongues to stop themselves from laughing.

They all met up Nico’s café. The familiar scents of fresh baked bread and rich coffee were a welcome albeit temporary balm even with the strong undercurrent smell of damp as many had come in to escape the rain. There was nothing more from Sophie yet but Lizzie was sure that Madam Dimitrou’s house would be the final destination. “We just have to be patient,” she kept saying more to herself than anyone else. Allie had other concerns.

“Rohan wouldn’t leave without you,” Taurie said apologetically, as Rohan stuck himself to Allie’s side again.

Allie ruffled his rain damp curls but she could see the worry wheels spinning in Rohan’s eyes.  “I told you it would be fine. We can talk about it at home though if you want,” she said knowing that Moira would have a million awkward questions. “You two go pick three cakes each and we’ll take them with us.”

“And some Loukoumi for Pax?” Rohan asked.

“Yes, I’ll get a box for all of us,” she said cutting off Moira’s request for Loukoumi too.

They watched them go to the counter to choose from the large cakes and oversized pastries that Nico’s was famous for. Rohan kept turning around to check on Allie and she gave him her best all is fine smile. The children only talked about which cakes to choose. They knew all about public and private conversations after some horrendous incidents on Escobar. Lizzie quickly filled Taurie in on what happened.

“Who do you think got the guards to back off?” Taurie asked quietly. 

“I don’t know,” Allie said, “but my parents are going to kill me.”

“Ah there you girls are.”  They spun around to meet their grinning Aunt Kareen. She kissed them all on the cheek and said, “It’s about time we all had a chat.  Taurie, have you told them?”

Taurie shook her head as Allie and Lizzie rounded on her. “Told us what?”

 


	20. Barrayar| Beginnings...

 

At the Imperial Ballet School, after going through security and acting like he was expected, Alex made his way to where the younger children were having their classes.  He hadn’t thought he’d be seeking Pax out so soon. But after waking in the late afternoon to a house near empty except for staff – his parents both at meetings, his siblings nowhere to be seen – he’d gone to the Vorpatrils. His uncle and aunt were affectionately scolding and kindly dismissive of his apologies for ignoring them when he was on Escobar.  They were so genuinely happy to see him he wondered at how he could’ve cut them off like he had with all his family.  It was there that he heard Pax’s news; the Vorpatrils assumed Alex already knew that Pax had an upcoming tour with Ether-Tak’s Swan Lake – the contemporary production that had even toured Cetaganda to acclaim. Pax would be in the rotation of principal dancers for the tour on Earth. Alex was stunned.

 “He was probably waiting to tell us first,” Aunt Tej had said, but Alex doubted that was the reason. Pax hadn’t spoken about his career at all – not that Alex had asked him; Pax’s manner didn’t invite questions and Alex admitted that Pax had been partly right when he’d accused Alex of treating him like a child. Alex couldn’t help thinking of him as his ‘young’ cousin.   Pax hadn’t been home to interrogate – he’d agreed to speak to the dancers at the ballet school about his career and to assist a class for the summer school children. 

Alex hadn’t gone straight to the school, he’d initially gone into town but there were barriers up due to some kind of incident at an Imperial event. He’d immediately searched on the VS gossip net and seen Sophie’s latest episode about the clameur and had burst out laughing in the middle of the street. Prince Xav was now having tea in the house of the woman who had invoked the clameur! Alex was impressed but couldn’t see anything about his siblings or cousins on the net to show they had been behind it all, and that he was sure was a good sign.  The lack of comms from his siblings irked him but he had no right to expect anything so he kept telling himself. He had to be patient as his mother had pointed out. And it was time to move on, his father had quite rightly added.  Alex had a few weeks before he had to return to Escobar and he wasn’t going to waste them moping about the past.  That’s why he had gone to see Pax.

Alex was met by a group of parents who were waiting in the school’s corridor outside the rehearsal studios.  From what Alex could gather from the grumblings and the strained staff responses, Pax had kicked the parents out.  Two members of staff with tight forced smiles were corralling the crowd into a separate waiting area.

“I didn’t realise parents watched the classes,” Alex said.

“They don’t usually,” The woman with almost protruding blue eyes said.  “They came to see Lord Padma Vorpatril.” She stared at Alex for a few seconds noting his generic visitor badge.  “I’m sorry who are you? Can I help you?”

“Famous, is he?” Alex asked. “Lord Padma?”

Her eyes widened. “Our most famous pupil  - ex-pupil. The star of Ether-Tak’s Swan Lake.”

“Not yet he isn’t, Esther,” the other woman said but smiled proudly as if Pax was her own son.  “But he will be.”

“I have a message for him,” Alex said holding her gaze. “He’s expecting me. I’ll go straight through.”

“Yes of course. I mean –“

Alex waved his hand as he walked off. “No need to show me the way.”

 

Through the small vid-viewer outside the studio Alex watched Pax, clad in black tights and a t-shirt, looking the most relaxed and comfortable Alex had ever seen him. He was with a group of young boys adjusting their limbs with an open smile. “That’s excellent but you’re leading too much with your shoulders. All the force comes from the lower half of your arms. From fifth position…”

Alex was dazzled by the coordination of the children and their ability to follow the instructions of the dance combinations. The class mixed up with the girls on the other side of the room and Pax answered various questions. Alex was tempted to go in and capture some images but with children he’d have to ask permission and he didn’t want to disrupt his cousin. So he left the building and waited outside, pulling up the hood of his raincoat as another shower descended but leaving as quickly as it dropped; the alterations in light through the trees drew Alex’s eye.   A short while later Pax interrupted him taking various images through the canopy of leafy trees that lined the driveway.

“What are you doing here?” Pax asked bluntly.

Alex turned. Pax had changed into a casual but smart navy blue jacket and trousers with matching raincoat.  Even as a child Pax was always so…coordinated.  Alex had just thrown on some black trousers and a t-shirt. Also many of his clothes didn’t seem to fit anymore. Alex didn’t want to explain that he was tired of the friction and wanted to start again with his young cousin. Why should Pax believe his words anyway? Actions counted more especially with Pax, as they should with anyone.

“Aunt Tej told me you were here.” Alex smiled. “If you don’t have plans we have to go out for a drink to celebrate. Ether-Tak, eh? That’s fantastic! Galactic congrats.”

“Oh! Thanks.”

“Your parents told me your news, they were trying to explain it but even _I’ve_ heard of Ether-Tak,” he said answering the look of surprise on Pax’s face which Pax was failing to hide.  Alex was going to labour the point but he figured the dig had done the work and he added, “And Uncle Ivan made me eat some leftover blinis he made.”

Pax laughed. “He’s very proud of them. Ah…don’t you have things to do today?”

“Yes, a drink as I said, if you’re free.  And keep me up to date about tickets. I’ll try and make your opening night. Didn’t realise you were so famous already. I saw all the parents you kicked out.”

Alex explained (since Pax seemed stunned into silence when Alex mentioned wanting tickets) that he’d gone inside; Pax glanced at the imposing building and turned back to Alex. “How did you get in? They’re very strict.”

“They are?” Alex shrugged. “Wasn’t hard. The parents give you a hard time?” 

 “No, they were just distracting.” Pax looked embarrassed. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I spoke to them after. They all think I’ll have some influence over their kids’ progress and careers. No one wants to hear the reality that it’s relentless training no matter how much you love it. And costly,” he added a touch sadly. “Not enough scholarships for the poorer students.”

Alex didn’t want to get into the issue of the systemic underfunding of the arts on Barrayar. Not right now.   “I think those kids will listen to you,” Alex said, “you were good with them.”

“You think so?” That made Pax smile.  “Thanks. I’d like to do that.”

“Do what?” Alex prompted since Pax wasn’t elaborating. “Teaching?” he guessed.

“Yeah and choreography.  When I have kids and my dance career has slowed down.” He looked at Alex warily as if he expected some kind of challenge, but Alex was impressed.

“You’ve thought that far ahead?”

Pax nodded.  “Yeah.  I want to be around for my kids but I don’t want to be old when I have them. So I’ve made some decisions and – ” He looked embarrassed to have said so much but Alex pretended not to notice.  “How were things with – at home?”

“Great,” Alex said and nodded.  “All good although I’ve not seen anyone but Mama and Da. You bring transport or do you want to walk?”

They agreed to walk and Alex got Pax to talk more about his career, and Alex filled Pax in on the clameur activity; Pax hadn’t heard anything more either so it looked like Alex wasn’t the only one being kept in the dark. 

“So do you have any other news that I don’t know about?” Alex asked half-jokingly but stopped in his tracks when he read Pax’s face.

“I don’t know. Da’s going to announce it this evening but I don’t think he’ll mind you knowing unless he told you already.” At Alex’s expression Pax laughed. “Looks like you don’t know. Da’s moving to a new post – Earth – the London Embassy.”

“Holy horseshit,” Alex said.  Pax was obviously thrilled that his family were moving to where he was but Alex had heard (not from Pax) that the Vorpatrils, especially the non-twins, had suffered because of how crazy the Escobar post was. “That’s a huge post, Pax – the Galactic Trade Committee talks are based there.”

Pax nodded.  “I know but Da’s served there before and he said he can make it fit with the family.” After a long pause he added in a dropped voice, “Mama said Da spooked the ministries over something he reported and they’re falling over themselves to make things happen so there won’t be issues like on Escobar. Da said it’s due to the emperor not him.”

“He would say that.”

Pax smiled fondly. “Yeah, that’s my Da.”

**Vorpatril Residence**

Lizzie, Taurie, Allie and Kareen had congregated in the kitchen while the non-twins went upstairs with their parents to have showers and be subtly interrogated.  Allie told her parents a short quick version of what had happened which ended up longer as they asked pointed question but nothing more was said. Her parents had done what they did best – left her to stew in her own mistakes before they reprimanded her about the children. Allie was mounting a defence in her head when her Uncle Miles and Aunt Ekaterin arrived.

“What are you doing here?” Lizzie asked.

“Fine way to greet your parents,” Miles said as they took a seat at the table. “We’ve come at your Aunt’s invitation. Apparently this is where it’s all happening.”

“Rohan is done,” Tej said walking in. She turned to the girls. “ _I_ told your parents although your mother already knew – some of it. I want Kareen’s side of this now.”

“Where’s Mark?” Miles asked. “Sulking?”

“Ignore him, Kareen. Go on. Ivan’s busy with Moira. I’ll fill him in later.”

So Kareen told her side of it. Kareen and Mark had disagreed on the relocation of flower housing.  After the appeals went in Nouveau Maison’s favour Mark said it was done. Those people wouldn’t be homeless and they’d have better housing conditions. He couldn’t understand the preoccupation of Barrayarans to live in substandard accommodation.  Kareen at first had been with Mark on this and slowly she began to feel torn – thinking of her own family home. And so she’d made a deal with Mark. She told Mark upfront that she was going to play both sides, that they should both think of an alternative and let the best side win.

It was Kareen who had contacted Taurie about the _Clameur de Haro_ and told her to tell her sister about it but under no circumstances to tell anyone where she received the information. Taurie had had too many other things on her mind to do any such thing until the conversation in the kitchen.  She had genuinely forgotten Alex had written a paper on it until the day she suggested it to Lizzie and Allie.

“What if we’d never asked you to help?” Allie demanded of Taurie.

“I’m sure I would’ve found a way to tell you,” Taurie replied, not wanting to think of what would have happened if she hadn’t.

“ _Do_ you have an alternative plan?” Lizzie asked her aunt. “What’s going on now? What did Uncle Mark say?”

“We have a meeting soon with all those involved. That’s what Mark is prepping for,” she said staring at Miles who just smiled. Kareen turned back to the girls. “With all the negative publicity you’ve generated around it, the health and housing ministries are under pressure to explain this.”

Miles snorted. “Not just them. The investors won’t want anything to threaten other opportunities.”

Kareen acknowledged this with a wave of her hand.  “Yes, but we now have a plan that should appease everyone and leave the flower housing untouched.”

Allie frowned. “There is no way anyone’s going to agree if it makes a loss.”

“Not a loss, less profit perhaps but well, we’ll see,” Kareen said, “but no one wants to be blocked from future investments and Barrayar currently is a lucrative pot.”

Lizzie scowled. “It’s all about the money,” Lizzie muttered. Miles reached over and patted her shoulder

“You won this one,” Kareen said gently. “Try and dwell on that.”

“Is Uncle Mark unhappy?” Taurie asked.

“Not with you.” Kareen laughed. “He’s only peeved that I won and that he owes me. Business is business.”

Lizzie exchanged a look with Allie. MK were an odd couple but it seemed to work for them.  Kareen left and a silence descended. Miles tapped his stick, his laser stare catching Lizzie’s eyes. “Don’t be so glum. Your Aunt Kareen may have given you the information but you used it to your advantage.  As she said, you still won, if the new deal goes through.”

“But you should never have involved the non-twins.” Ekaterin gestured to all of them. “That’s on all of you. You know those children well enough to know it wasn’t the right thing to do.”

“One of you should have left with the children as soon as they activated those stink bombs and _before_ the guards arrived,” Miles said, shaking his head. “Amateur mistake.”

Ekaterin sighed and Miles added unconvincingly, “And yes, you naughty girls involving the kids.”

“Yes,” Tej said, “if that hadn’t of happened Rohan wouldn’t be asking if guards are going to come to the house to take Allie away.” Allie’s guilt seemed to infect everyone and Tej persisted, “And Moira wouldn’t want to know why she can’t use stink bombs on all the people who are mean to her since she could use it today for a good cause. You will explain it to her, Allie and you still stay up tonight if Rohan has any nightmares or a busy head. You will also have to postpone any celebrations and come straight home from ImpRes.”

Allie understood but was sure she misunderstood the last part. Tej nodded to Ekaterin who continued, “Prince Xav wants to speak to you three girls and you will keep this visit to yourselves.”

“You will not share it with the non-twins because then Rohan will think something is wrong,” Ivan said walking into the kitchen and taking in the stunned expressions.  “Well don’t stand there catching flies. Go. Ground car is waiting outside.”

“And try not to hit him, Allie,” Tej added.

 

**Vorkosigan House**

Alex returned home to face Lizzie and Taurie inside his room. He could see they’d rearranged some things and messed up his bed.  Yeah, he was home.  Taurie gave him a hug. “Looking thin, brother.” Alex returned the embrace with affection.

“So people keep telling me. Busy day?” he asked as Taurie sat down on his bed. Alex hated people sitting on his bed. Fine, he thought, for one day he was going to put up with his sisters putting him in his place.

Taurie laughed. “A day like you wouldn’t believe.”

Lizzie stood and faced her big brother. She stepped forward and kicked him in the shin. Alex grunted but nodded.  “Alright, Sasha?” she asked. Only Lizzie still called him Sasha and Alex only let Lizzie continue to do so. It was good to hear it.

“Better,” Alex said. She gave him a quick hug.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about Nikki’s ponytail,” Lizzie said, shaking her head and seating herself on the bed.  “It’s just not him at all and you missed Mama telling him.”

Alex laughed and sat on the floor opposite them. “She did her thing?”

Taurie nodded and reported that her Mama had taken one look at Nikki’s hair, touched it and said in a despondent tone, “No, Nikki love. No.” And Nikki had seemed like 30 years younger when he’d gone, “Don’t start, Mama!”

“Sorry I missed it,” Alex said, “that and a lot of things.”

“Well, we’re here to catch you up,” Taurie said.

 

**Madam Dimitrou’s Residence**

A few days later, in the early evening, they were all celebrating the official confirmation that the flower housing had been saved. Madam Dimitrou and her family had already attended a few celebratory events but as this one was in her own home she allowed the kitchen table to be moved, and everyone spread out in the house and garden with all the families bringing food and drink.   Everyone there being some of Madam Dimintou’s family, all the Vorpatrils and Vorkosigans with a few Vorrutyers spread about too.

In the kitchen, by the back door, Tej and Ivan were discussing their earlier luncheon at Vorrutyer House which included a tour of the gallery and library conducted by Sophie who was now proud to point out her father’s Donna nude portrait and had even featured an episode about it.   “I swear to you, Ivan,” Tej whispered, “Donna’s breasts were following me around the room.”

Ivan choked out a laugh and Tej gave him grin and a hard look. He bent his head close to hers. “I never painted it if that’s what you’re thinking.  My artistic talents such as they were never stretched that far.”

“I did wonder.”

Ivan sipped his wine. “I did however draw the picture it’s based on.”  And Ivan enjoyed those rare moments of being able to shock and delight his wife.  

Tej laughed. “We will speak of this later after we’ve discussed when we’re kickstarting our next child.”

Ivan gasped and Tej patted his back as Ivan choked out, “We are not having another baby. I’m too old.”

“Your Aunt Cordelia –“

“Is not allowed to be used as an example.” Ivan went over to the sink and drowned a glass of water. “Haven’t you learnt anything these last two years?”

Tej smiled and kissed his nose. “Yes, I’ve learnt my husband is still an amazing father who puts his children first.  And remember how you only wanted two children? I was right about the non-twins, wasn’t I?”

“Yes but –“

“How about a year after we’ve settled in at the embassy? Just think about it? Great.” And she left Ivan standing there while she went out into the garden.

 

At the other end of the garden Lizzie watched her father and Pax conversing while the children, at their feet, chained yellow flowers.  “I wonder what Da and Pax can have to talk about.” Lizzie suspected, with a sense of bafflement, that Pax was Da’s favourite out of the Vorpatril kids even though her parents insisted there were no favourites.

Ekaterin could guess what Lizzie was thinking and observed, “Your father and Pax are two sides of the same coin – they have more in common than you think.”

Lizzie was incredulous. “Like what? Because it’s definitely not a mutual interest in camping and birdwatching.”

Ekaterin swept the beautiful light scarf Madam Dimitrou had given her over her shoulder.  “That’s not what I mean.  Superficially, their…concentrated, unusual appearances have made people assume who they are and what they should be. They’ve had to do more to prove themselves to people and learn to disregard what people assume of them. You’ve seen how everyone expects Pax to be some kind of social butterfly based on nothing but his beauty.”

Lizzie remembered guiltily her words to her father about Pax being born with the wrong face and said nothing but, “Oh, yes I suppose.”

“I’m going to see what Madam Dimitrou is doing. I hope she’s not in the kitchen again.”

“If she is she’ll probably show you the cup Xav drank out of.”

Ekaterin smothered a laugh. “Shush.”

They’d heard the stories several times from Madam about her glorious day and it did seem at times she was more happy about Prince Xav shaking her hand and liking her tea then her being the saviour of the flower housing. The girls own tea and cake with Prince Xav had been a lot more enjoyable than Allie had expected and she’d decided to forgive him for hurting her brother. The _Clameur de Haro_ was now being fast tracked to be revoked with other ancient laws which was a shame but it had served its purpose.

“You alright?” Lizzie asked, parting from her mother and walking over to Allie who was staring into space. “You’re very quiet today.”

“Just thinking over this summer,” Allie lied. Yesterday Allie had heard from Daniel that he was going to be serving at the embassy in London. She’d reacted badly, told him she was never going to marry him and Daniel had told her hadn’t had any intention of proposing to her which had led to a horrible argument. Her father had told it was a coincidence about Daniel’s post and Allie knew that but she felt that this was it now – that she and Daniel were finished. He’d been invited to come to Madam Dimitrou’s before their argument so she was glad he hadn’t shown up. Very glad.

“Eh, Allie, go easy on that cake.”

“What? Oh.” Allie had squeezed the cake in her hand and it had squashed and crumbled to the grass.  Allie brushed the crumbs off her dress. “The birds can have it.”

Lizzie took a guess and said, “I think it will be good that Taurie’s going to help out your parents while the new nanny settles in – whenever they hire her.” Taurie was thrilled with the whole arrangement.  “She’s not going to be there for long.”

But Allie nodded; she didn’t seem upset about Taurie going to stay with them. “I think it’s great too.” Taurie would only be sharing nanny duties with the family until the new nanny was hired and proved herself.   The Vorpatrils were determined that Taurie should also get to enjoy herself as much as possible on her stay on Earth.  Allie’s eyes widened.  “So that’s it.”

Lizzie had her back to whatever had caught Allie’s eye and was itching to turn around. Allie looked back at Lizzie. “Are you sure you’re not interested in Fred?”

“Very sure, why?” She laughed. “But Taurie seems to be more interested in Clement or at least he hadn’t left her side last time I saw them.” Although Sophie was with them too so it may have been nothing.

“Take a look,” Allie said with a smirk.

Lizzie casually turned around as she plucked a pastry from the buffet table and there was Fred with an open smile which softened his face and made him look less pirate like; his gaze fixed steadily on…Alex. There was no mistaking the body language as they conversed.

“Huh. You’re losing your touch,” Lizzie said with a grin. “You can usually call that. Oh look – your Daniel’s made it after all.”

 

Nikki had arrived late, the early evening sun casting bright light over the red buildings. It was too pleasant to go indoors and since Pax was seated in the shade, enjoying a drink on the bench a few doors down from Madam’s house, Nikki joined him. Pax’s gaze lingered a little too long at Nikki’s sans ponytail hair.  

“Got something to say, Vorpatril?”

Pax with laughing eyes, reminding Nikki of his Uncle Ivan, kept a straight face and shook his head. “Nope.”

“Crowded in the house is it?” Nikki asked knowing that Pax could only stand social occasions in small doses.

“Yeah.”

Nikki sent a message to Alex to bring him a drink.  Pax grinned and made a comment that Alex may be distracted and told him about the pirate vet Alex was flirting with.

“What’s going on there?” Nikki asked, raising an eyebrow at Allie and Daniel who were in the middle of the street; they were arguing, Allie making many gestures with her arms but then after a sudden, long embrace and kiss they returned to the house. Nikki looked at Pax who shook his head, “Don’t ask.”

To their surprise Alex shortly joined them, without the vet, but with a bottle of red and glasses for Nikki and himself. Alex poured the wine and after a traditional santé toast they sat in companionable silence enjoying one of the last warm evenings of the summer.

 

 

 

 


	21. Epilogue| Earth| The Troll Club| A Different Vor Path|There is Another...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING ABOUT THIS EPILOGUE: So the previous chapter ends in a nice, cosy way I think with a kind of closure but optimistic new beginnings. This epilogue opens up a can of worms (which I may elaborate on in another fic) but if you're the type who doesn't like this kind of open ended thing I'd maybe give this epilogue a miss. You have been warned!

 

**The Troll Club**

With all the music and colourful lights absent, the nightclub floor looked lifeless and dull in daylight.  Eve greeted the floor supervisor with a cheek kiss while he watched his cleaning drones spin around the club floors and rooms.   “Put some music on, please Tod, this place is like a morgue.” She frowned when she observed just where some of the drones were cleaning.  Tod gave her a sheepish look and Eve swore before yelling, “Da! Where are you?”

She located him in the back office alone.  He was swiftly out of his chair, his huge, muscled frame swallowing her in a warm embrace and mint cologne.  He asked her so many questions about how she was she pulled away laughing.  She looked up into his worried yes. “I’m fine, Da, well I was fine until I saw you re-opened the sex rooms.”

“Not sex rooms, pleasure rooms,” Marcus said, holding her at arm’s length.  

“You know it’s still illegal whatever you call it! The legislation hasn’t been approved and don’t say everyone is doing it because that’s not the point.”

Marcus waggled his meaty hand.  “Legal, illegal – it’s grey area.”

She laughed, exasperated. “It’s not a grey area. And calling them pleasure rooms makes no difference.”

“Who knows what they do in there? It’s private and we have no complaints! We have your beautiful security and we are safe, clean. We treat everyone well.”

Eve sighed. “I know, Da but that’s not the point either. You’re going to get prosecuted and sued -   _again_.”

Marcus grinned. “Never mind.” His grin faded a little and he examined her carefully; he reached up and stroked her hair. “You’re…alright?”

“Yes, I’m not hurt,” she said. She turned and closed the office door and her father patiently waited while she checked that no one could be listening.  “Agent Blue is off the field,” she stated.  Marcus snorted. “I mean it this time.” Which meant she wouldn’t be lying to her son anymore when she told him she was doing private security consultancy as that’s all she would be doing.  She would just continue to omit the part about it being for the Barrayaran Imperium. 

“It is your decision. They don’t deserve to have you. You’re too good for them.” Her father had been saying that since she became an ImpSec agent over twenty years ago, and before her father got started on his rant on that ‘sneaky Simon Illyan’ who lured his daughter away she asked about Jamie. Her father’s expression caused her heart to skip.

“What is it?” she asked. “I just spoke to him, he said he’ll be back soon.”

“Yes, he is fine.”  Marcus seated his bulk on the sofa; the light shining off his bald head. Eve joined him and Marcus continued, “his _other_ family – were here at the club.”

Eve was stunned. “ _What?_ How? Don’t tell me those boys came to the club?”

Marcus raised a thick eyebrow.  “You know?”

“Only that they came to London but I didn’t look into it.” It wasn’t her assignment and she knew for her own sanity she had to pull back from those families.  “I can’t believe it.” Out of all the clubs in the city they came to her father’s.  “Did they speak to him? What happened?”

 Marcus explained that Jamie wanted to sing a small set for fun, and one of the boys thought Jamie looked familiar. The others he said weren’t sure.

“Did you do anything? Did they speak to him?”

Marcus shook his head. “No, the music room closed so they couldn’t get in – I didn’t do it. It was full capacity. Jamie left after. You were lucky.”

Eve swallowed and breathed a few times in relief. “Lucky? It’s not up to me. I told you. I’m leaving it to fate now and if he wants to know who his father is I’ll tell him.” At her father’s dubious look she added, “I’m not going to put anything in his way, Da and – good God were they really here? And they _saw_ him?”

“It is not just that. Jamie said he’d decided something about his father and he will tell you when he sees you. You still want to hide him?” he asked bluntly.

“I stopped hiding him long ago,” Eve said defensively. She didn’t have to since she’d put measures in place to hide any connection between Jamie and his father before he was born.  But she’d not been stupid. She made sure ImpSec knew she was keeping her son away from Barrayar for the real fear he’d find out about her real job and be placed in danger.  There was also the real fear then that his father’s family would find out about Jamie but that she kept to herself.  It has been a fellow agent, the only who knew the truth, who had helped her strategise.  For a long while Eve wondered if Miles would find out but there was no reason for him to suspect anything. Miles could read people well but he didn’t know the full truth. With him and certain others she was hiding her son in plain sight.  

But when Jamie was older she told him it was up to him if he wanted to meet his father.  But yes of course she was careful.  She couldn’t help but be careful.  She’d never be able to cut all connection with Barrayar and she’d even ran missions involving his father’s family. It had not been easy to be close to his father and to have to hide but very little in her life had been easy.  Jamie had no idea the measures she’d gone to to keep his identity secret. “But if he’s decided he wants to meet his father I won’t stand in his way.”  She herself had searched out her own genetic father and been disappointed but she could understand the need to do it.  But she dreaded it.

She’d told Jamie mostly the truth; that she’d kept him away from his father for some reasons she couldn’t disclose. That his father was a good person but he didn’t know about Jamie and in order for Jamie to have the freedom she wanted him to have she wanted to wait until he was older, until it was safer for him to see his father.  His father’s family were influential and complex (to say the least) and that’s all she could disclose to Jamie.  Jamie, trusting his mother, had never pushed to find out for himself.  Not that he could’ve. Eve had made sure of it.

Jamie arrived a short while later and as they all had dinner in the large apartment she shared with her son she couldn’t help compare him to his father. At 23 Jamie was tall but not as tall as his father, but with the same broad build. Instead of dark brown colouring, his eyes were crystal green and hair a reddish brown.  But there was something about his features and expressions that bore a resemblance to his father but it would take a sharp eye to see it.   At least she had thought so. Perhaps he looked more like his father than she thought. All she saw was her Jamie. _My Jamie._

“Did Grandad tell you about the club I’m thinking of opening?”  Jamie had already opened one with his grandad; a very successful one in competitive Rio but now he wanted to go out on his own. This one would be in Rio too but a different part and different kind.  He gave Eve a printed proposal and she looked at the dates he hoped to launch his new venture.

“So soon?” she asked.

He nodded.  “I want you to look at it properly before you look at investing.  Don’t just say yes, Ma.”

Eve made a show of checking her funds on her wristcom which made Jamie roll his eyes, and she turned to her father.   “You’ve read it I take it?” she asked, getting serious. “Is it doable?”

“There is always a risk but the boy knows it. Just because we have had one successful club there –”

“But this is different; it has a restaurant,” Jamie said, his eyes shining, “but I want you to consider it seriously, before investing.”

She put it aside. She knew he would’ve done the research needed but she couldn’t concentrate on it.  “Before I look at it; do you want to tell me what you discussed with your grandad?” At his blank look she added. “About your father.” She tried to sound as neutral possible.

“Oh. That.” He leaned back in his seat and chewed on his bottom lip.  “I thought about it a lot. Meeting him and about what you said about him. It’ll affect my life a lot.”

 “It can’t not affect you. I can’t hide that but I don’t want to put you off meeting him just because of that. It has to be the right time for you. I think you’re mature enough to handle it.” _I don’t know that I am._

He nodded. “Okay but I don’t want to meet him. Not yet. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I have things I want to do and I don’t need that in my life right now.” He looked confused for a moment and shook his head with a smile. “I’m not explaining this very well. I mean I don’t want anything to risk getting in the way of what I have.” He reached across and squeezed both her hand and his grandfather’s. “What _we_ have. Does that make sense?”

Eve tried to hide her relief. “Yes and that’s fine. Whenever you’re ready and if you never want to get in touch with him that’s fine too. It’s your call, sweetheart.”

The rest of the conversation was about his new venture and Eve asked about his other investor in this. She trusted her father to look into it too but he knew and her son knew Eve would do her own checks. She told him she would prefer he delayed building this new club/restaurant – until she received a message, from the person who knew Jamie’s father’s identity. The message was that Lord Vorpatril had been appointed the new Ambassador at the London embassy. Eve’s heart dropped to her stomach and she decided to give fate a helping hand.  “Never mind what I said about waiting to start your new venture, Jamie. Go ahead and I may join you in Rio for a short while.”

 Jamie was thrilled, Marcus gave her a knowing look and Eve shrugged.  Now was not the time to risk Lord Ivan Vorpatril bumping into the son he didn’t know he had. Besides Jamie said he wasn’t ready. They would safely remove themselves from his vicinity. It was best for everyone. For now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters are of varying lengths! 
> 
> Huge thanks to my beta readers for their comments and support. Love you. Extra special thanks to Zoya1416 for sharp insights!
> 
> Oodles of thanks to all readers too - whether you like this or not, thank you for giving this your time. :)
> 
> And thanks to Florence + the Machine, and First Aid Kit for providing a soundtrack and inspiring the different turn this took.  
> Part of the soundtrack to this work - not required listening! But this is part of Alex's playlist.
> 
> [Rebel Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48ztymZHA_w)  
> [ No light, No light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATfUdaZQLMA)  
> [Cosmic Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gMq3hRLDD0)  
> [ Pure Feeling ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5yEpOw-YXw)  
> [What the Water Gave Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPfDXcszfak)  
> [ Letters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBKCq9O4Tvg%E2%80%9D%2)  
> [First Light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScVWkYZkZFk)  
> [ Heartlines](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WouoSftCIz8)  
> 


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